DH just doesn't get!

[heavenintbebottomofaginbottle]

We've been TTC for 5 months (not long I know) but my DH just doesn't seem to get the concept of TTC.

When I stopped taking the pill we were very relaxed, when it happens it happens. But as the months went on I started logging my cycle and checking my ovulation, I want to know what's going on with my body after 11 years taking the pill!

My DH thinks I'm crazy and a baby will just happen when it's meant to happen.

Does anybody else have a far too relaxed other half? That when you stop taking contraception you are very much trying for a baby and not just having unprotected sex!

Yep and my dh won't really engage in much conversation other than we just need to dtd more! Helpful! That's why I come on here and read and help everyone here. We've been ttc for 15 months and contemplating going to the dr but dh doesn't want me to and I don't particularly want to. All I can suggest is trying to follow sperm meets egg plan and then punching on him when you get the positive opks. I've not even explained smep to mine would go straight over his head!

Obviously not punching! Damn auto correct I meant pouncing

Love this thread!

Every time I try to mention something about TTC to dh he just says I’m ‘over thinking’ and ‘stressing myself for no reason’.

I’ll get shot down in flames for this, but I always thought if you just had sex a couple of times a week, you’d get pregnant soon enough.
I’m pretty sure lots of people take that approach.

NC4now Yes, I stupidly thought this too until I had an ectopic, nearly died and then had a year of nothing happening!

Without wanting to sound patronising I told DH as little as possible. We followed the sperm meets egg plan, but didn't tell DH when we were meant to do it. I just left it as a spontaneous thing. Would that help?

@heavenintbebottomofaginbottle. Controversially i kept DH out of the loop too. He wanted it to be natural and I wanted to give it every chance so i did opks everyday without him knowing and then was particularly in the mood when the time was right. He never twigged and we got our BFP. He still tells me its great we didnt get wound up in ttc. Actually I took it all VERY seriously!! Mean maybe but he was happy and I was happy in the end.

Yup my DH is the same, he thought I was being mental with opks etc. So I just don't really talk to him about it now, just have the plan in my own head. That's why i love MN because don't really have anyone else to talk to. We are approaching the 1 year mark though so we're going to need to have a serious conversation soon
NC4now this time last year I would of thought the same but afraid for a lot of people it's not that simple.

My dp was exactly the same op! He was so chilled out about it all and I had to really explain ttc to him (I also had to learn about it myself, I was clueless). He has now (jokingly) nicknamed me ‘the spermcatcher’ as during fertile week I beg and plead for him to bd with me (he works awful shifts so isn’t always in the right mood at the right time) and if that doesn’t work I become very sneaky and he thinks he’s getting a lovely bj up until the last moment when I pounce, jump on top of him and steal his sperm We’ve been ttc for about 7 months and this is the first month he’s been really supportive about dtd in fertile week, I think the months of bfn’s have hammered it home that it’s not just going to happen if we ‘chill out’. We’re both knackered now as fertile week has eventually finished and I’m not going to lie, we’ve had some pretty uncomfortable and awkward sex this week . Reeeaalllllyy can’t wait till next month now lol

Oh I’m not saying it’s easy at all. Sorry if I sounded insensitive.
I got ‘caught out’ with my first pregnancy and was genuinely shocked. I remember thinking ‘but I thought you had to try for a baby?!’
I’m just not surprised that lots of men don’t give any thought to charting, timing, etc.
Must be very frustrating when you are desperate for it to happen, researching and planning like mad, and DH just thinks the stork will leave a baby under the gooseberry bush.

Sighs. My dh thinks that if you have sex a handful of times then BAM you'll get pregnant. He thinks that because we are on cycle 4 post mc that it's - and I quote "just not going to happen for us" He's quite pessimistic about it which can be a bit of a downer! It's been even worse this week because I'm a few days late with BFNs so far. He's acting like we are infertile! Even though I have explained time scales to him.

Sorry doesn't the Sperm need to meet the Egg anyway?!? Or am I missing a trick?

My OH didn’t even understand basic biology when we started ttc lol he thought you could get pregnant whenever. I had to explain to him there’s a tiny timeframe and that’s when you have to have sex. We’ve been ttc for 15 months with no luck and unless I remind him, he has no idea when my fertile week is. I think the concept is lost on men. At the end of the day, all they have to do is have sex. It’s us women who have to temp and do opks and chart and figure out fertile week and check out cm. My OH is very optimistic and keeps telling me it will happen but I’m a pessimist and I keep telling him it’s not that simple. Mind you, it’s hard to be the positive one when you’re having to have a hundred blood tests and a catheter shoved into your cervix and all they have to do is have a few tugs into a jar and apparently that’s too taxing lol.

Thank God I'm not alone with my clueless other half!!

I tried to subtly mention that you can't get pregnant 30 days out of the month, he was convinced sex equals baby instantly 🤦🏻‍♀️

This post is just what I needed to hear!!! Thought I was alone. Oh seems to think can get pregnant all month! He’s slowly got used to me using apps and letting him know it’s fertile week but it’s taken ages for him to be ok with that!

Totally given up on telling OH what point in the month we're on.

He's yet to notice that I can't keep my hands off him for certain weeks.

Or why I'm not happy when AF arrives, I just get "we'll just have to dtd more next month".

I just don't get how he's so clueless when he two best friends and brother have all gone through IVF with their partners.

I love that we can come on here and have a rant

I don't think it's a good idea to talk to men about opks etc either. It's not exactly a turn on for them and they won't get how you're feeling really. Better to vent on mumsnet! Hope you get your bfp soon, I'm sure you will.

I think it’s partly because we spend so long trying not to get pregnant and making sure contraception is all stitched up, they think one false move and you’re up-duffed.

@heavenintbebottomofaginbottle i eventually used the ovia fertility app and DH never knew i was tracking. We got bfp 2nd cycle from using the apo after 15 years on the pill. He thinks it was easy but I'd done ALOT of research to get to that point. I'm now in bed with 4mth old he adores. Totally worth keeping it to myself

@NC4now I think you've got it in one!! Forgetting to take your pill and all hell could break loose.

6 months off the pill and nothing

@Jellybabie3 I've been using the Flo app and its been spot on with everything so far. It's certainly made me notice monthly signs and changes that I had never experienced while being on contraception.

Congratulations on your lovely little new addition!

My DP was the same. Made out it was all a bit mumbo jumbo and that it will happen of we just have sex etc. Now that we have a baby I realised that the reason for this is that he was feeling like the wasn't producing the goods so to speak so was shutting down about the whole thing and trying to play it down. Might be something to consider

@redjoker good point

Absolutely the same! I haven't been tracking, but I've been getting....keener in certain weeks and he doesn't like me initiating things. He seems to think things will just just happen, but nothing will happen if we don't do anything to begin with!

I would think that it's the mum to be's prerogative to do what it takes to get pregnant. I'd go so far as to say if he has fertility problems she would be at liberty to go outside the marriage to get pregnant. All behind his back. I was married to an infertile man and wish I'd just gone and DTD with someone be else. He has also said since that he wishes I had done so.