Struggling to cope (and conceive) after MC

[Starfish23]

Hello everyone, I’m hoping some of you may be able to give me some hope/advice. In Early November I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child. We weren’t trying to conceive but I wasnt being very careful as my periods hadn’t returned from my son (18 months) so it was all a bit of a happy shock! However, mid December I misscarried at 9weeks and had to have a d&c. I’m totally devastated. It’s all I can think about every day, which I know is very ungrateful when I have a wonder toddler to love. 7 weeks later and I’ve just started my first af since the mc. We did track ovulation and bd in the fertile week, but no luck. I’m guessing I’m just hoping for some words of hope or comfort from those who have been there. I hate feeling so sad all the time and I hate being so consumed with concieveing again, but I am so desperate to be pregnant again. Sorry for the ramble and thanks for listening. Xxx

@Starfish23 it's completely normal to be upset. I struggled for the first couple of months post mc. Its been 6 months now and I still tear up talking about it, it's just so unfair. Be kind to yourself x

No advice, but I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm really sorry It's bloody shit isn't it.

I had a MMC (and then a D&C) earlier this year. It absolutely broke my heart. I'm now 20 weeks pregnant again and although I am very excited and finally starting to feel a bit more confident about this pregnancy, I still think a lot about the baby we lost and have a little cry. I don't think you ever get over it.

I'm so sorry for your loss starfish. I had a MC in June 2014. I was around 9 weeks too. The pregnancy was a pleasant suprise and it would have been our first child. It's heartbreaking. It does consume your life, it was all I could think about. Going through a MC is one of the worst experiences I have ever been through. So don't feel guilty that you aren't 'over it' yet. Take it at your own face. I was very fortunate to then fall pregnant in the September of 2014 and I now have a wonderful 2 year old. It will happen. You will get your rainbow baby. Take care of yourself and let yourself grieve!

@Starfish23 I'm in a similar position as you after miscarrying at the end of December though I was only 6 weeks gone. I was hoping to conceive again straight away but no such luck. I can't really offer any advice but just wanted to say you are not alone and mnetters will make sure it stays that way. Happier times will come x

I can’t thank you guys enough for your kind words, it does help to know I’m not alone. Im so sorry for your losses also. It really really is shit and very unfair.
I’m trying to be kind to myself, but I find it hard not to feel angry, I feel like my body failed me. You are all right, I need to grieve and I don’t think I will ever be ok about what happened.
Birdie, that’s great news that you fell pregnant again so quickly! PrimeraVez, Congratulations on your rainbow baby!! I wish you all the health and happiness for the next few months, can I ask how long it took to conceive again? Mamabear, I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m right there with you. Let’s hope we get our rainbows soon!!
Xxx

Deffo @Starfish23. I think I'm struggling with it more since there's no way of knowing why it happened, if it will happen again, or indeed if we will even get pregnant again. I'm a scientist (although currently working in education) so rather black and white which does not help matters haha. I like answers!!!!

We will support each other here hun. Let's keep this thread going and hopefully we will have our rainbow babies soon x

Ok so just for the heck of it I thought I would use my last FRER just now. Totally wasn't expecting this. Not totally worried it's not going to stick as I would have thought it would have been darker at 10/11dpo and I'm having lots of AF cramps

Oooh Mamabear, you never know!! Keep positive! Fingers crossed for you

Ooooo mamabear!! This is very exciting! And the line wouldn’t necessarily be darker if you implanted around 8-9 days, I know it’s hard but give it another day and test again and I’m sure the line will be darker!! And that means you’ve conceived super quickly!!! It’s gives me hope! Im defo happy to keep this thread going, speaking to you lovely ladies has already cheered me up xxx

Hello, sorry to all of you who have gone through a MC. I also lost our 1st in early Nov at almost 11 weeks. We had even had scan and seen heartbeat which I had researched meant risk of MC dropped to something like 2%. Weren't given any reason other than one of thos things, although EPU was great and very kind to us. We are now trying again and this is the first month since where I feel my body is back to normal. First two "AF"s were very odd! Currently on CD10 and judging by last pregnancy I THINK I ovulate sometime between CD12 and CD18 so just waiting now! Doing OPKs and temping too. Will be taking a pregnancy test on Valentine's Day!

So sorry to hear of your loss SophieStripe. We saw the heartbeat too, it does make it so hard when you’ve seen the baby and thought your were “safe”. Can I ask, what we’re your first two af’s like? I’m having my first one now, mine are normally 5 days, but this one is going on longer. Will be keeping everything crossed for a valentines baby for you!! Xx

So my first one I thought was normal, it came 4 weeks to the day after MC started, but went on for about 7 days, normally I'm 1/2 days v light 2 days heavy, 1 light. This was all very heavy and (TMI) some big clots that I think might have still been "stuff" left over. Sorry, that's very graphic! I OPK'd after that and never got a positive. 2nd AF came early for me, just 23 days after last one and was very light spotting. Didn't even need any tampax. I ovulated 4 days after that one stopped, confirmed with temps and OPK. 12 days after Ov, AF came. This time all seemed normal in terms of length and heaviness etc. Did start spotting a bit earlier than normal though. That's a lot of detail for you, hoping it helps. I'm now keeping everything crossed I ov in next 5 days and we manage to get pregnant!

Thanks SophieStripe and don’t worry about the tmi - no such thing with me lol. Sounds like they take a little while to settle down then. I’ve just finished my first af and it lasted nearly 8 days. I’m using an app and will start opks to give me an idea of when/if I next ovulate. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Any updates mamabear? X

Hi - I have literally spent the day in tears.....
I fell pregnant in September 2017, and we were so excited for our 12 wk scan, to then be told at the scan that our baby's heart had stopped the week before. To say we were devastated, was an understatement - never in my life have I felt so unbelievably hopeless. I had the miscarriage on the 4th December, to then need a D&C a week later due to retained tissue. I have bled on and off for what seems like forever and I was in considerable pain for several days after.

This month however, I thought we were back on track with my cycle, and had convinced myself we would be pregnant this month. As I did last time, I used First Response yesterday (5 days before I'm due) and there was a very faint line. However, a further test this morning and nothing.......
I know this happens to so many couples, but I feel the grief has been delayed somewhat and it's hit me today, thinking I'm yet again not pregnant.

Turns out I've had a chemical/second early loss. Feel ok about it as wasn't expecting to get another bfp so soon anyway but now really worried that this isn't normal and that something is wrong. Going to speak to the gp and see what she says.

How are you guys doing? Good luck to you all x

BellaBash, I know exactly how you feel. When I realised I had ovulated I managed to convince myself that after all the tragedy, we would be the lucky ones who would conceive straight away. So when my first af came, it was like going through the miscarriage all over again. I’m currently at home sick with a stomach bug and have spent all day googling how to get pregnant quickly etc etc and am driving myself crazy. However, it’s still early days and you’re not out until af arrives! There’s still a chance and I will be keeping everything crossed for you.
Mamabear, I’m so sorry to hear that! It’s horrofically common but that doesn’t make it any easier. I guess it’s still early days for us both. I’m still waiting to not feel so sad Xxx

I keep trying to tell myself 1 in 4, and maybe this was my ‘1’......but it makes it no easier to deal with.
The biggest thing I’m finding hard to manage, other than the obvious loss, is not ‘knowing’ or ‘trusting’ my body anymore.
You’re right though, it is early days and we need to stay positive.
Sending my thoughts to you all.

I completely agree BellaBash! With my first pregnancy it all went so smoothly (which I am very grateful for) that my husband used to refer to me (affectionately) as the baby factory. Now I just feel totally betrayed by my body and like I can’t trust it to do it’s job and I can’t trust any “sign or symptom” it gives me. But you are right, we have to stay positive. My best friend miscarried her first pregnancy and then fell pregnant again within 3 months, so I know there can be a happy ending for us. Hugs to you xxx