Losing hope

[MJHowe17]

Hi everyone, I'm new and thought I'd start a post.

Been trying 1 year, am 27years old and starting to lose hope. We gave up worrying and stressing months ago as it was getting too difficult, but I'm struggling even more now!

I keep track of my cycle, using an app. Also use OPK tests every now and again.

Is anyone else starting to stress and worry? Any advice to help keep me sane?

Hey @MJHowe welcome and sorry you've had no luck yet. As it's been a year have you looked into testing with your GP yet? X

@MJHowe17 im 37 and trying for first baby. Been trying for nearly a year too and finding this all so hard.
I really never thought I would hate trying to conceive but I really do. Its got to the point that there's tears every month. Just found out too that a friend is pregnant and it's just made me feel so down. I know it's selfish but I feel like it's never going to happen for me. Time to go to the docs in a couple of months if nothing happens. I really never thought it would be so difficult or stressful

@surreygirl1987 @Pumpkin18 I've started testing with the dr, bloods all came back normal and I have an awesome ultrasound next week to see if that brings up anything.
Hubby is doing tests too, today in fact, so we shall see what that brings!

It's so tough, in the year we've started trying, so many friends and colleagues have gotten pregnant. My sister in law had a baby too and I love my nephew to pieces, but it was so hard because I felt jealous that she got a baby and I haven't. It's ridiculous! I'm even envying characters on soaps on tv when they get pregnant!!! How daft is that?!

I'm trying to stay positive, but honestly, each month I get af, I feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. But we can't do that, if we want this, we have to persevere and it could happen at any time. That's what people keep saying anyway...

What do you do to take the edge off every month? I'm trying to distract myself these days with hobbies like reading or baking... keeps me busy when af is due and takes my mind of it for a while...

Can i join? I'm 29 (30 this year) ttc #1 been off contraception since March last year and actively trying, opks, tracking cycles etc since July.
I never imagined it would be like this, i've also have sooo many pregnancy announcements since we started ttc and i feel horrible because i want to be happy for them but i feel i'm just bitter and sometimes struggling to even hide it
I'm trying to stay positive too but with each af that shows up i feel like it's never going to happen.

@Merrz you are more than welcome to join!

It's tough trying to be happy for someone else who gets pregnant, I know that feeling all too well! It's the slightly false smile before being on your own and wondering why it wasn't you this time.

I didn't realise it would be this hard either, every month is tougher. Like I said earlier, we're not even pressuring ourselves anymore and I've stopped religiously testing with OPKs each month. But even then we're still getting our hopes up and feeling rubbish when af visits...

I'm loathe to say this as I hated hearing it when I was in your shoes, but honestly, chances are it will happen. Took me 18 months to conceive my first and have been pregnant 3 times since first month of trying.

That said, after 12 months DH and I both went and had testing that showed there was no underlying issue.

We did ONE thing different the month I got pregnant, and probably a total coincidence, but it was the only time we had morning rather than evening sex.

At your age you have about 70% probability of getting pregnant in a year, so not guaranteed by any means. By mid-30s the chances drop to 50% so it's basically a coin flip whether you'll get pregnant in a year. What worked for us was picking a month and making a commitment to do it literally every single day so as not to miss the window of opportunity. It was a chore but it worked!

I know about the % chances and you hat it more than likely will happen, but it's still hard. Especially when I know so many people who've gotten pregnant by accident while we've now been trying for over a year.

We are getting tested and hopefully that will show no underlying issues, but we'll have to wait and see!

Ohwhatbliss that's reassuring to hear and about the morning sex because we dtd on the morning of ov this month so hopefully fx that will work for me too. I did actually read somewhere that morning sperm are stronger or something so there might be some science to that!
It just worries me i've never had a sniff of a bfp. I know it's an awful thing to think and i wouldn't wish a mc on anyone, i can't imagine how hard that must be after a bfp but at least then i would know everything works
Me too MJHowe when we started ttc we weren't even in a huge hurry to have a baby and planned to just see what happened but once you actively start ttc being chilled about it is easier said than done! In the beginning i counted down the days for 2ww to be over so i could poas but now i just feel dread as af date approaches because i know the disappointment that's coming.

Yep literally just thinking the same thing today. Had an ectopic a year ago with one tube removed and no pregnacy since. I’m going to book an appoinment with the doctors. I just feel like a failure x

I feel the same!

I'm 34 and we've been trying since May but only completed 6 cycles as I had an abnormal smear so had to take a few months out!

I told my GP that we'd been trying for a year and so had blood tests which all came back okay. My DH is booked in for his swimmers test in March, so I would suggest moving with them if you are thinking about getting checked out due to waiting times!

My GP told me average time to conceive is actually 9 months so longer than a year isn't that unusual.

I'm also getting very jealous of others, which I feel terrible about. I had wanted to start my family in my early 30s so feel very annoyed with myself for not being firmer about it... 😞

My af is due on Saturday so I'm expecting another massive disappointment but trying my best to remain as positive as I can.

Anxiety is taking over a bit now now. Unsure whether I should take a break from these forums...

xx

I feel you. I’m 28 and been ttc for 15 months the with no pregnancies. We have both had tests done, all of which have come back normal so far. I’m due to have some more in the next few months but if they are clear too then we’re basically on our own. I’ve been pregnant twice in the past (off one missed pill both times) so the fact it’s taking so long this time is making me think that perhaps it’s just not meant to be. Wishing you lots of luck

I'm glad it's not just em that feels so disheartened. I've worried about being negative on here and being a bit of a downer, but it is rough.

I find it hard because we told our parents we were trying and now they expect it, which means it's not even just ourselves that think about it every month. I had to have a conversation with mother and mother in law to back off a bit, was making it even harder for us.

One way or another, I do believe all of us will get the child we want, even if we can't do it though pregnancy ourselves. That's what I keep reminding myself, that there are other options out there for us.

My friend had to have IVF to have her baby and that's what she tells everyone, you will get your baby eventually. She said from them starting trying she had a happy healthy baby within 2.5 years so although it feels like it's never going to happen now even if we need to go down the treatment route chances are it will happen in the not too distant future for us all.

@Merrz that's so true! I think it's just that when you're going through it, it feels like such a long time! In reality, 2.5years isn't long at all.

I know that for myself, if it came down to it, we'd try IVF, we'd be happy to adopt too. I just know that I want a child to love and care for, so however that child comes into my life is fine by me! (And DH, obviously )

I am nervous about the tests to find out if anything is wrong, but who wouldn't be? Not looking forward to an internal scan if that's necessary! I do envy main having their swimmers tested as their only test! One for them and what feels like a million others for us ladies! Not fair at all haha

It's awful isn't, as soon as you start TTC and it doesn't happen you start seeing bumps EVERYWHERE! Facebook gives me lovely adverts and I've seen pregnancy test ads on tv that I'm sure I've never seen before. So many bumps at toddler group and now my son is 2 everyone wants to know when we're having another. I've started being honest and telling people we're struggling, had an early mc... I think we need to talk about this more because there's so many of us out there but it's almost taboo.

One of my friends has just adopted and she's SO happy, it makes me think there's more than one way to get the child you dream of. Fingers crossed to all, it's so hard

@Noof I totally agree! I've become very open about ttc with friends and family and I think that's helped.

It's not all rainbows and butterflies, people need to know that people do struggle. My mum has been amazing, we talk about it quite often and she's one of the few who understands and sympathises. Most of my friends don't get it as they don't want children, so they just think I'm complaining about DTD too much which isn't the problem at all haha!! I think the more we talk about the better. Just like mental health problems, there's a taboo that doesn't need to be there!

I sent a long message at lunch but thankfully it didn't post, it was whingy and sad and I'm feeling more positive since finishing work for the day and having a swim. Trying to focus on other things to make this ttc journey not so difficult. It's nice to know that we are all in the same boat though and other people understand why I just can't feel happy for my friend who has just announced she's pregnant, and instead just feel sad. I am wondering whether being more open with friends and family about it would help but at the same time I don't want the constant expectation of an announcememt or the difficulty of having to tell everyone if we can't conceive. My sister in law is already annoying me with questions at inappropriate times and seeming to think she has a right to ask them in the first place! Thanks ladies for being somewhere we can all go to vent and be open and honest about it, I think we all need it x

I think it's good to have somewhere or someone you can rant to. Especially people who understand. I've worried about starting this thread for a while, thinking people would just tell me to stop whinging. But knowing it's helped other people too is great.

I get waves of feeling rubbish and then being overly positive. At least we've not all given up!!