AIBU to want to be the first to get pregnant?

[EiffelTower]

I've been married for nearly 6 years and with my partner for 12 years. I have waited patiently for him to be ready to have kids. He finally decided he was ready a few months ago. So now I'm desperate to get pregnant. I am now also obsessed with being the first in my family to get pregnant. I have much younger sisters in law who are not even married a year and who are now talking about getting pregnant. I can't shake the feeling that I should get to be pregnant first since I've had to wait for so long. I'm worried that these feelings might stop me being happy for them if they do get pregnant before me. Am I being unreasonable?

This way lies madness.

You must know you are being unreasonable - surely?!

In the kindest possible way, you are being ridiculous. I was with my partner for 11 years before we had our first, my friend was with hers for a year. It doesn't matter who has a baby first.

Yes. Very. It's not a competition, it's your child. Why do you care so much about other people's pregnancies? Younger women are getting pregnant in the world all the time.

I think all your doing is putting a load more pressure on yourself and madness lies ahead tbh.

TTC doesn’t always work out how you want. You can get pregnant first month or it can take years and it’s not a contest with the whole oh I’ve waited longer than you rubbish

Well I totally understand how you feel but I would gently warn you against this way of thinking. I was married first so wanted to be the first to have a baby out of all my friends. I also smugly wanted to tell everyone it happened on the first go! What a complete dick I was! It’s now been two years and I have had an ectopic pregnancy, lost a tube, had a chemical or two and still no baby. Mean while all my friends have had their babies - some with number two in the way. I felt like an utter failure as a woman.

OP, I can see where your feelings are coming from and it needs to stop here.

I, too had these feelings of getting there first.

After years of infertility I was obsessed with getting pregnant. I couldnt handle it when my brothers girlfriend of 5 months said she was having my parents first grandchild.

While I was getting my treatment, I was worried incase she felt pregnant again and my IVF failed. I was more bothered about that than the actual treatment failing and not ever being a mother.
When I got pregnant with my IVF, I wanted a girl as my parents had a grandson.

Now ive woken up and smelt the coffee
Comparing yourself to others, being in competition- you will never be happy.

Your baby is your first, its for you and your happiness alone. No one else.. You have no more right to have the first than any of the others. ..first doesn't mean best.

Imo letting her get pregnant first will keep mil off your back!! You can relax and enjoy your pregnancy /newborn without milzilla poking her nose in. And you will get good hand me downs!

It’s not a race and there is no winner.

You don’t “deserve” to be first.

There’s also no particular advantage to having the first grandchild.

We were the first by a ^long% way among our friends and family to get married.

Everyone we know had kids before us due to our fertility problems.

Our kids are still more awesome than anyone else’s.

It might be better to be second or third - you can get all the hand me down baby clothes and more people to talk to because new mums are into talking about pregnancy and babies.

I hear you OP. I cried when my younger brother announced he & SIL were unexpectedly expecting. Happiness, pride & disappointment (that it wasn’t me) in equal measure. Then my partner’s younger sibling did the same. Now neither set of parents has a first grandchild from me. Gutted. But I got over it of course - it doesn’t stop you being happy for them but it can be tough. At least if it happens, which it probably won’t if you’re trying, the pressure is completely off - silver linings and all that.

My first ds was ils first dgc, all good until their dd had a ds then we got dumped. And I mean dumped.

I can understand where you're coming from but you must know you're being unreasonable.

Trying to compare yourself to others will only pile more pressure on you. Try to let go of that and accept that sometimes people do things before us and that's okay

It’s the kind of thing many feel but rarely admit to because they know it’s silly!

In the kindest way possible.... pregnancy doesn't happy on demand for a lot of people. Your sisters in law have as much of a right to start a family as you do, whenever they like. Things don't happen in order in most people's lives! Stress and pressure is not the best way for anyone to start TTC-ing, so for your own health and sanity, please try to be more relaxed about the whole thing

It took me a long time to conceive and a long time before that before my other half to feel ready to try. During that time I watched as people who’d got together after us had their kids some planned some not. It felt unfair. I didn’t begrudge them having their children but I felt I deserved to have my baby and was a bit jealous.
Life isn’t a race and it’s certainly not fair. You feel how you feel op but when you do eventually get pregnant nothing else will matter but your baby and all of this will seem SO insignificant

If you live your life wanting to be first your going to be disappointed and unhappy by the end.

But emotions, especially where children are concerned can be a bit odd. Deep breaths realise your being a bit much here and accept that what other people are doing isn't your business.

No one is more or less worthy for a child based on how long they've been waiting.