Any 'older' parents and TTC?

[PieAndPumpkins]

I apologise if this comes across as insensitive, I haven't been around very long to know the ins and outs of the norms on here - i'm also highly aware and appreciative I do already have 2 beautiful children and many struggle to have 1 baby.
Whilst I realise it's become normal and common for people to wait until their 30's to start trying for children, I never wanted to take this risk, so didn't wait once we were in a position to have children. My DH is older than me by >10 years. I'm now 30 and ttc #3, I have only just realised in reading some scary statistics that my age, combined with DH being over 40, combined with >5 years age gap, now puts us at higher risk of damaged DNA in sperm being passed on, and increased difficulties in conceiving - I read 2 years TTC would be normal.
I wish I could speak to a medical professional for some reassurance and advice, but, the NHS as wonderful as it is doesn't really seem to readily offer this service.
So please tell me your stories. Any 'older' parents out there, particularly parents with an older DP and age gap?

You are really, really not old. Lots of people don't even start having babies until their thirties.

I’m not sure I would class 30 as older. Most statistics refer to post-35 and beyond.

I’m 32 and trying for our first and I consider myself an average age (same age as my Mum was when she had me, actually!).

You can drive yourself mad with looking at statistics.

Like I said, it's the combination of DH's age and mine. I'd never even considered DH's age would be relevant until now.

I didn't think of us as older parents until I started Dr Goggling! Maybe I should put the statistics down and chill

Still, some happy endings would make me feel better! It took about 3 cycles with my first two, now over 5 years ago though.

Blimey, if you are old then we have no chance! TTC #1, am 3 months off 40 and DH is almost 5 years older!
As you have children already chances are you have nothing to worry about.
I know all the stats are against us, but meh, it’ll either work or it won’t, nothing to lose by trying!

Baby dust to you theunsure! I'm a little envious of how relaxed you sound! I'm a planner and a bit of a control freak. I just would like to know. Obviously it doesn't work that way unfortunately...

Oh I am both a planner and complete control freak!! But am not desperate to be a parent, met DH later in life and neither of us imagined wanting kids. We’ve decided to give it a try as we’ve realised actually we would like to, but if it doesn’t work I don’t think we’ll be devastated (disappointed though I’m sure).
I think it helps that literally none of our friends/family expect us to now so there is no pressure, am not telling anyone in real life so that will make it easier to hide any sadness later on.
There’s not even any point in me planning when to DTD as DH and I spend very little time in the same place at the same time, so we aren’t “trying” really, just letting nature take its course. Am using an app just to track cycle and dates we have sex, but no charting or similar as no point. Given I have a spreadsheet for everything else this is not typical behaviour from me lol

30 is not old and I don’t think it matters that much about the dads age. Don’t worry so much.

I think you’re worrying unnecessarily and some of your information (2 year average time to conception at 30) is wrong. This is article has a lot of data and shows that 82% of couples where the woman is age 35-39 will conceive within one year. Cumulative rates always look much better than month by month rates! http://journals.lww.com/greenjournal/Fulltext/2004/01000/IncreasedInfertilityyWithAgeeinMennandWomen.10.aspxYoublacklove

And given that not many women have more than two children, this kind of data is going to be skewed towards women with less proven fertility than you have, because many very fertile people are using contraception religiously in their 30s!

Obviously no one can ever promise that you will have a baby exactly when you want to, but you are still really quite young, you’re husband is hardly old, and you have already had two children. And if there should happen to be any problems you have plenty of time to pursue or save up for treatment, including IVF. I also have two children and sometimes wonder about having a third but I am ten years older than you, and the younger one is a baby, so all a bit unlikely... I would love to be in your position!

No we aren't telling anybody either. I do like the sound of a sex spreadsheet though

Thanks for the research hopsalong. It does admit a decline in our age groups as expected, but not so much to give huge concern. Mostly though, rather than infertility, my biggest fear is the risk of fetal abnormalities. I believe these risks are still fairly low though.

Personally we wouldn't go down the IVF route having had 2 dc already, but I get your point. What will be will be. I need to learn meditation or something, TTC is so stressful to me which I know won't be helping. Enjoy your baby! They grow so fast don't they?

OP- you are young, especially when compared to my peer group/friends/colleagues/ other mums in area where I am! Norm here is only just settling down by your age, kids anytime from 32-40 yrs.

However I am in your exact situation Re. 10 year age gap with my DH (he’s 45). To reassure you hopefully- our DS -now 4 and DD - 2 are both “fine” (touch wood) and developing brilliantly. Took barely few months to conceive both. Might be because DH is absurdly fit/sporty and this healthy who knows... but YES the stats on this are scary but put it into perspective- when they say for eg. ‘5 times more likely than”... and you read the odds normally, say 1 in 10000 to suddenly have odds of 5 in 10000 still ain’t bad! Read up fully.
But almost any situation in some way, be it a bad habit of either partner, young age, high age, illnesses already in family, diet etc etc would present almost any couple with slightly higher odds, in some way of a possibly issue with sperm/conception/babies health. Try to relax.

You are not old. I never read anything about large age gaps being a problem either. My dh is older than me probably about your dhs age and I'm older than you. We have over 5years since the last wonderful dd. I have no reason to think it won't happen for us.

I'm 36, DH 48. We've been ttc #1 for two years, only one mc to show for it.

Sorry, not a happy ending story. I do believe our ages are playing a factor in our struggle.

I conceived for the first time on cycle 5 age 33 - with DP being 40. Currently 38 weeks pg and all looking good so far. Midwives etc aren't the slightest bit interested in DPs age, I know there's some studies on different risks with paternal age, but they're much more interested in maternal age when calculating pregnancy risk tbh. I think you need to calm down, 30 is not 'older' and you have 2 DC so you know you can conceive and carry to term!

If you're old I must be geriatric!

I had my first DC at 35, an early m/c at 36 and my second DC at 37. I'm now ttc#3 at 41. My DP is 44.

Times are changing. So many women have their DC in their late 30s and 40s now, in fact i read that over 40s pregnancies now outnumber teen pregnancies.

Thank you again for the responses and reassurance. I'm not neurotic though, just concerned. The 'older' was primarily in relation to DH age, which is why I was asking about paternal impact on fertility and birth defects.

I'm sorry Sooz best of baby luck to you.

Got pregnant within a month of trying for the first time aged 40. DH was in his mid thirties .
Took vitamins, ate healthier, cut alcohol and exercised more before trying.

Hi OP, when our DC was conceived I was mid 30s and DH was early 50s... It took a bit longer to conceive than I hoped it would (about 2 yrs of trying on-and-off) but it happened naturally eventually and DC is just perfect. Good luck to you