How do you move on after miscarriage?

[Kate8989]

Hey everyone,

I’m sat here in floods of tears wondering how and when I’ll ever start to feel me again. I had a miscarriage in the early hours of Thursday morning.
I’ve been positive about the whole situation thinking well I fell pregnant month 2 of trying so that’s a good sign. But now I’m sat here thinking I should be thinking about baby names, babies room. But I’m starting the year of feeling empty and deprived.
I keep reading negative things on the internet as well about conceiving after a miscarriage.
If anyone has a positive story, I could really do with a hand hold right now.
Thank you
Katie x

It’s such a strange form of grief, as when we lose a family member, there’s nothing we can possibly do to “replace” them.
I’m not for one minute saying having another baby would eradicate these feelings of loss or replace the baby we’ve lost. But when I think what would make me feel better, it’s not a holiday or going shopping. It’s another baby, I’m just not sure if I’m mentally ready to go through the process.

I think what effect could anxiety have on my baby. But the logic in my brain says it’s IMPOSSIBLE to go throughout life without any stress and anxiety. Women around the world go on go give birth in some of the most horrendous conditions with no medical support. I really think we have just been unlucky. On a lighter note i never thought my OPK journey would turn out like this 🤦🏼‍♀️ X

Hey,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Speaking from experience I know how horrible a miscarriage is. I miscarried back in September although we did everything possible to try and keep baby, as soon as bleeding starting we were running round to different hospitals but unfortunately once it’s began, there was nothing we could do. Coping afterwards was horrible and lonely, my boyfriend has been through a lot in his life and he has been emotionally hardened by it all. He doesn’t cry, he doesn’t even show any emotion he just prefers to get on with things and focus on the facts. Me however was an emotional mess. I would cry unconsoluably and he wouldn’t know how to react. I had 3 weeks off work and I had such bad anxiety whenever I thought about going back to work after the whole ordeal. My friends had never been through it before so although I could speak to them, they couldn’t relate. I’m 20 years old and as bad as it sounds I know my family didn’t want me to have a baby this early so my mom acted sad for me but I knew she was relieved.
I also found out after I miscarried that 4 people close to me were pregnant, all due dates within 2 weeks of what mine should have been. This felt so unfair.

I think that as cliche as it sounds, things get easier to manage in time. Back when it had just happened to me it’s all I would think about and I would break down. But now, it crosses my mind but I look on it’s an experience that made me aware of what I want in life.
I think you need to remember that you’re not alone in this, a lot of women have experienced it, plenty on here aswell, and everything you’re feeling is normal. You’re allowed to be upset, you’re allowed to grieve, it’s part of the healing process

If you ever want to talk feel free to privately message me
Katie xx

You have just been terribly unlucky, Kate. Honestly you did nothing wrong. As Katie said, it really does get easier with time.

You need to give yourself a bit of time to get over he shock of it all, especially seeing as you hadn't officially confirmed your pregnancy before your loss.

It feels shit right now, but I promise you it will get easier and whatever happens next, you will never be replacing the baby you lost, you will just be moving forward to create the family you both want.