Anxiety about TTC

[LyraPotter]

Hi everyone,

Just to be upfront from the start, my husband and I have only just started TTC (have only tried one cycle) and I 100% appreciate that my post might be frustrating to people who have been TTC for ages - you might want to skip this one!

Basically, my issue is that I have this huge mental block that tells me I won't be able to conceive. I have no know reason to feel this way (no health issues etc) but I just can't let myself believe it will happen.

This wouldn't be such an issue except that I can feel it ramping up my anxiety (I have anxiety issues anyway) and it's got to the point now where I feel like it's all I can think about. I obsessively plan for all these scenarios about not being able to conceive, and get sad and anxious at the thought of having to tell family etc. I know this is mad - but I don't know how to stop.

This has been going on for a few months, as I was worrying about it even before we started TTC.

Has anyone else experienced this? If so, what helped?

Thanks x

Hi @LyraPotter
I have anxiety issues too. Are you taking anything at the moment? I'm on Citalopram but a fairly low dose.
I think its natural to obsess over becoming pregnant when you're TTC. I try to keep a lid on it and think positive. It sounds stupid but I buy a pack of nappies for my stock pile to cheer myself up.

Yes I totally understand you! Acupuncture helped me to chill out.

Thanks for the reply! I'm not taking anything at the moment but have taken citalopram for my anxiety in the past. It did help with the anxiety but it (TMI warning!) also killed my sex drive a bit which isn't ideal for TTC. I should talk to my GP I suppose.

I like the idea of a baby stockpile - I know not everyone would agree but I think it's actually good to imagine positively that it's going to happen!

@mustard thank you for the suggestion! I've never tried acupuncture, I'll defs need to look into it x

I was convinced that it wouldn’t happen for me and I’m now 8 months pregnant!
When you have anxiety, your brain tells you lies! Try to ignore it and think positive thoughts about babies and BFP’s :) xx

@LyraPotter I'm the same. I find a lot harder to...you know...finish ... when I went on it. But now that we are TTC I feel more determined to do it as there is a purpose and I still enjoy it as much, it just takes a teensy bit longer for me to 'you know what'

I was you in 2015. I then had a chemical and then a miscarriage which didn't help but now I have a beautiful 2 year old DD. I was convinced I would never be a mum! Now TTC DC2 and feeling exactly the same even though I thought I wouldn't. This time, I'm worrying about there being a big age gap. On month 6 now with 1 chemical last month. FX both of us are successful soon!

I am just like you..
Convincing myself I am infertile! Ttc is a scary thing though. Fx for you

I was exactly the same. I tortured myself for months with my anxiety and infertility fears and the longer it took, the more of a wreck I was

Honestly, it took over my life and mind and not in a good way

Please don't let yourself fall into the trap of doing the same. I spent 90% of 2017 in absolute despair and it achieved nothing

If it helps, I got my BFP today. Cycle 11. I'm sure it will happen for you, it's just not always as quick as we'd like!

Thanks @polkadot - for helping to keep us sane :)

Congratulations @polkadot! That's lovely to hear

Thanks all for your responses - even tho I wish none of us had to have these fears it's helpful to know I'm not alone! I'm going to try some of the suggestions here and try to stay relaxed about it x

@LyraPotter You could always try sleep hypnosis. Theres hundreds of videos on YouTube that you can listen to when you go to bed. I quite like listening to this one at night.

Hi OP, you could ask your GP for fertility tests. You can have your hormones checked, get a 21 day progesterone test to make sure your ovulating and request a hycosy scan. These are all pretty straightforward.
If might take the worry and anxiety away if you know exactly what you are dealing with. It's very likely all the tests will come back fine which should help alleviate the anxiety and if they don't you will then know what you need to sort out.
I'm also a fan of Acupuncture

Perfectly - that is really bad advice, nobody should be going to a GP until they have been trying for a year, these tests are expensive and there are long waiting lists that can be clogged up by people that have gone to their GP and lied about how long they have been trying.

OP, I think it can help to be fully aware of the statistics for conception - 25% of couples conceive within first month

• 60% of couples will conceive within 6 months
• 80% of couples will conceive within a year
• 90% of couples will conceive within 2 years

I fell into the 10% between a year and 2 years and am now 7 weeks pregnant after TTC for 18 months and yes it was hard and yes I was despairing at times but I really didn't manage my expectations either - that expectation that it might take some time. OP I really hope you don't have any fertility issues, I really do but maybe some of the suggestions here for keeping yourself as chilled as possible are a good idea. Acupuncture or reflexology or just even yoga and meditation can all keep you grounded.

Good luck!

Flora I disagree, I think it's excellent advice if the OP wants to take a practical approach. She doesn't have to use the NHS, she can pay for private tests.
I sought out these tests and used the advanced clear blue ovulation kit, fell pregnant immediately.

I'm in my first month ttc and have been feeling very similar. I came off the pill in the summer and have been tracking my cycles with an app and temping in prep for ttc in new year and have basically convinced myself it's not going to happen, to the point where I have found myself googling ivf costs. I'm working really hard on pushing those thoughts away and focusing on other things but it's tough. It doesn't help that I am also a control freak and can't deal with the not knowing and waiting, I think that's really what triggers my anxiety. No words of advice just wanted you to know you're not alone.

@GnTplease I think you need to have a word with your brain and give it a stern talking to, that pregnancy is roughly going to happen in 6-12 months. And while that sounds like a hell of a long time away, you need to mentally manage your expectations. We all go into the TTC month with rose-tinted glasses that it will happen first cycle but sadly it doesn't, and we all sit there going neon green with envy at the lucky gals that score early on.
But know that we're all in this together and theres always sympathetic ears (or eyes) on here for you!

(P.S. I am the same as you, anything that is out of my control drives me mad)

@LifeOfRiley63 I'm well aware of the timescales and process involved in TTC. Just as I'm well aware that when I get on a plane the likelihood of it crashing is minuscule. Unfortunately it doesn't stop my body entering a state of anxiety and having a panic reaction. If "having a stern word with yourself" worked for everyone with a mental health issue then I think that would probably save the NHS millions...but sadly it's a little more complex than that. Trust me, I'm trying. My post was just to let the op know they aren't alone in these feelings...

Sorry @GnTplease - that didn't mean to come across as telling you off. Maybe my wording wasn't great. (Please don't think I'm an unsympathetic bag!) x

@LifeOfRiley63 that's ok...also maybe a bit defensive on my part. It can just be tough as I know how bloody ridiculous I'm being and get so fucked off with my brain constantly filling with these thoughts, but despite the fact that I know rationally I just have to wait and see, it doesn't stop me panicking. I'm hoping once I'm a few months in I'll chill out a bit more, if not might try some acupuncture or something?

OPlook up Saskia Roell on YouTube. She's an American fertility specialist and some of her videos are about overcoming the mental block about falling pregnant. She did a series of videos called 'Get Pregnant Now' which may be worth a watch.

I literally could have written this! I'm not usually anxious but I've found myself being so worried about TTC and staying pregnant ect. I'm in my first cycle too so understand where your coming from.

I didn't have af for 35 days after coming off my pill and was convinced I wouldn't get them back for ages, after reading all the stories of no af for 9 months, I'd googled dietary supplements that help you ovulate and get af back and was mid way through making a flaxseed and avocado smoothie when af showed her face!

This kind of helped if I'm honest as it made me understand that I was being a tad irrational.

I think it's just when you want something so much you don't think it will happen easily.

Perhaps it stems from the fact that we've all being having sex for so long on bc and nothing happens then like magic you stop taking a tiny little pill and then you can get pregnant?

I try to tell myself I've never had health issues, my body will work like everyone else's, so why is this any different and I know stressing doesn't help.

For me writing my fears down, why I feel that way and then a rational response really helps.

I also got a clear blue fertility monitor so I will know if I'm ovulating, I think this will reassure me a lot, or let me know to seek advice if not. I've shown as high but not a peak however my cm is egg white after drinking more water and grapefruit juice as I usually don't have much. I'm also reading 'What to Expect Before your Expecting' and have cut caffeine and alcohol already, along with following the fertility diet advice with lots of omega 3 and iron as well ff dairy. OH is following too. I think knowing we're doing what we should be and giving us the best chance is helping.

Sorry for the long post just made me feel a bit less daft knowing someone else felt the same!

Somerandombird - she was told to go to her GP and request the tests. There was no reference to her getting the tests privately.

Lucky you falling pregnant immediately, I had to wait 4 months for a referral to an infertility clinic and a total of 18 before a BFP but of course you know more about anxiety from TTC than I do.

No offence meant Flora and sorry to hear you had a difficult journey. As a matter of fact I have just spent a fortune on expensive fertility treatment to try and conceive DC2 and am anxiously waiting to see if it has been successful so I do empathise with those suffering with anxiety.

The test results + ovulation monitor helped me conceive DC1 quickly, if it wasn't for these I wouldn't have had the treatment I needed and I would have got my ovulation date completely wrong.