Miscarriage advice

[Kate8989]

Hi everyone,

I had a miscarriage on Wednesday night. Had no idea I was pregnant. I thought the miscarriage was a heavy period. The next day had a positive pregnancy test. So as you can imagine I’m all over the place at the moment physically and mentally.

I came off the pill a few months ago and worry I jumped into TTC too quickly, I didn’t let my body get into any kind of rhythm cycle wise. However. I know some people are very lucky and fall pregnant straight away. Obviously not the case for me.

I’m just looking for a bit of a hand hold, I’m worrying about the bleeding, to such an extent I made my husband take me through to A&E last night to check I’m ok

How did you all get through? Thanks in advance xx

Hi @Kate8989 so so sorry to hear what you're going through.
They say you need medical attention if you're passing clots as big as a fist.
I know how scary it is though, I went to a&e when I had mine (even though they told I wasn't having a mc!)
Everybody deals with it differently, physically my body coped fine, I had back ache for a few weeks afterwards but af came back four weeks afterwards and been regular since.
Mentally is a different story, I suffer from depression anxiety anyway.
The first thing to remember at all times is this isn't your fault, I blamed myself and my body not working properly but this simply isn't true.
We told family a week after and they were super supportive.
I talk about it openly now, it's been three and a half months.
It's more common than you think, there's support everywhere.
My manager gave me the week off work to recover from it anyway I needed to (she would've given me more if I wanted)
There's girls at my work who have been through it too and talking to them helped me deal with it.
If you're not dealing well though, and it's completely normal not to be, talk to your GP
Hope it's a speedy recovery for you

Hi Kate8989, I'm so sorry to hear about your MC. I had a mc in Oct at 6 weeks pregnant after finding out I was pregnant only 2 weeks prior, and it was incredibly difficult. It isn't an easy situation to be in at any stage and I'm so sorry for how you're feeling emotionally and physically

My advice would be to not hide how you are feeling, find someone to talk to, a GP or even a family member. My partner was incredibly supportive but it came a point he ran out of things to say as he couldn't understand how I physically and emotionally felt and I began to sound like a broken record, so I turned to here. The advice and support on here has been great and you are amongst people who understand and can relate as they have been through it all.

Finding something to distract you can also be incredibly helpful, I focused on my work to try and take my mind off of it and little home projects like painting etc, I felt when I wasn't busy doing something I sat in a daze thinking about it. You should also pamper yourself, get your nails done or get your hair done, you deserve it!

My best advice would be not to push your husband away but instead cherish the relationship and strength you have to get through this together, make sure you are good to each other at this difficult time as it can be incredibly hard on even the strongest of couples.

I completely understand your emotions, but always remember none of this was your fault, nature is just incredibly cruel sometimes. I really wish you the best of luck for this year, it may take a while to get your head around it but time is a great healer and you will always find advice and support here on mumsnet x

Thank you for replying.

I too suffer from anxiety, so my trip to the hospital last night was because of feeling panicky about the bleeding. I’m pleased I went though as they did some blood tests to check I wasn’t anaemia from all the bleeding.

I think I’m in major shock over the trauma of all the clots and bleeding I had on Wednesday night, then finding out it was a miscarriage.

Lots to process, I’m very anxious and nervous of feelings, emotions and physical changes I’m still get to experience xx

@Kate8989 time here is your greatest healer
I try to see it from my DH'a ppv (he's annoyingly optimistic) he likes to say that at least we know that I can get pregnant.
You can take that away from this too, don't let it dampen your spirits in ttc
When you're ready again (there's no waiting period until you can just get a bfn test first)
There's a thread for people ttc and pregnancy loss and they're all very supportive xx

Funnily enough, I’m being quite optimistic in terms of thinking well we got pregnant, so I’m sure we’ll get pregnant again.
My anxiety is just sky high at the moment, I think il go to the doctors at some point next week and see if he can give me something. I’m scared to go to the toilet, is that normal?! X

So sorry you are going through this, Kate. I went through the same thing in October. Got pregnant immediately after stopping the mini pill and hadn't expected it to happen so when the bleeding first started i thought it was my period.

There are no ways for you to get over it but every week it gets a little easier. Cry as much as you need to. I had a big cry again just last week.
My bleeding was over very quickly so I don't have much experience there but if it's enough to fill a pad in an hour you need to go to a+e. Anything less than that is normal but don't feel bad about going if you're worried.

I will say you need to be prepared for the mess your cycles will be in for a while. It took 7 weeks for me to get a period after my mc and i then didn't ovulate the next cycle. It's very frustrating.

This is absolutely not your fault at all. I don't think you started trying too quickly, most people will start trying immediately after stopping contraception and it usually works out well.

Hope you've got lots of support. Take care

@Kate8989 I'm so glad you're looking at it that way!
Yea I was scared too because of the blood.
Just relax, have baths, hot water bottles and plenty of fluids.
Recover at your own speed and I hope I see you in the near future with a bfp!!

It’s times like this I really hate my anxiety.!! The doctor said last night, gosh your pulse is very fast, I said yes because I’m anxious. He said let me take it again, and it had gone even higher ha ha!! Only people who understand or have anxiety will know what that’s like.

My body feels so f*** up aswell. I only feel comfortable lying down with a hot water bottle. I’m scared to take a bath because when I got out of the bath on Weds, I had clots and heavy bleeding and I know it sounds stupid but having a bath would “take me back” if that makes any sense?!

Ahhh I’m such a bumbling mess! My poor poor Husband xx

@Kate8989 oh god I can imagine, of course it was high you was probably freaking out

I had hot water bottles everyday for a few weeks, I think after a while I just found them comforting
I get what you mean about the bath like you mentally connect it to the experience but a bath would help your body calm down if you can manage it.

My husband had to do everything for me too, I just felt numb for a while. You will get through this though but for now just do what you need to do to cope.