FAO physicskate

[peachesarenom]

@physicskate Hi love! I'm so sad I had an mmc. I just got a cold! How are you getting on?

Oh no peaches!!! I am very sorry to hear that. Be kind to yourself. I hope you've had some RL support.

I'm just getting over the worst cold ever (going on three weeks now).

Clomid cycle 3 has just started. I'm not doing great... They mentioned IVF at our last appointment (December). Not sure how to cope with all that's already going on and then add that massive mind F* on top.

Yes thank you! DH, my mum and brothers and midwife have been great. It really sucks though. I was 11 weeks so was just starting to feel cocky and I had no idea it would be so painful.

Midwife said to wait 8 weeks and then have another go. She said being preggo through the summer is better to avoid infections. I catch everything going.

I was keeping an eye out for you on the pregnancy board. Lets do it together this year! It can't get much worse!

My best mate had IVF, she was fine, it was male factor but she got through it and has a lovely little boy. I think even if you do have to go down that route you can handle it. Lets just take one step at a time. Not like we have much choice!

Your optimism is inspiring. Haven't ever made it to that board! Milestones are important. When is 8 weeks?

I think I like to plan like 10 steps ahead (or at least know what the vague possibilities are) because every time something I didn't forsee happens (like a moved appointment - silly thing!!), I completely lose it. I think I am more worried about how to stay alright at work during the process. And of course I am preparing for 3 rounds. That's my limit. I don't have any expectation (just hope) that something will work...

The kids eat me alive at the best of times so when I'm a bit weak and vulnerable (which infertility has made me) it all goes pete tong. Horrifically pete tong.

It will be 8 weeks from today!

Perception is everything. Good to see the path ahead but you can only take 1 step at a time.

I'm starting with rest. My body still hurts.

Then I will start diet.

I will cry on my GP's shoulder then take her advice on what to do next.

Just to destress I'm going to write a treat list in case I get pregnant again. So for example, if I get a bfp I'll go out for dinner. 5 weeks I'll get my nails done. At 6 weeks they'll give me a reasurance scan. At 7 weeks I'll buy lots of pj's so if the same shit happens I wont be in a pj top you can see my tits through in A&E. 8 weeks buy things to help me sleep when preggers.

Actually, I think I might write one for recovering from mmc/TTC.

I think one week so weekend after next I'm gonna book myself a massage/spa day.

Week 2, I'm gonna try a new slimming world recipe.

Week 3, I'm gonna get a posh moisturiser.

Oh I like this plan! What do you think?

Oh and I'll be enjoying full caffeine coffee!

I fucking love this plan!!! I might try to come up with one too and put it in my planner/google calendar so I don't forget/ get lazy about self care.

Glad to hear your GP is supportive (well known that mine is NOT).

Hopefully the see-through top is a laughing story in the end... there is so little to smile/ laugh about while ttc... except perhaps awkward sexual encounters???.. I hope that turns into a moment that makes you chuckle a lil bit.

Hope today has been alright for you @peachesarenom.

Just found out my cousin had ivf 14 years ago. It's kinda nice for me because no one else in my family understands and thinks I am insane.

She had some pretty great advice about quitting my job and getting myself as ready as possible...

So I'm going to count today as bearable, which is a win.

@physicskate I've been a bit emotional today to be honest. Didn't get around to writing my list yet! Gonna try tomoz! Still having pain and passing clots. Eww!

I'm so pleased you've got your cousin to chat to about IVF. I really think you'll be ok if you take it step by step don't get caught up on any individual result just see it through.

Do you think you will give up work? I think it would be good for you. It sounds like work is causing you a lot of distraction and stress.

I'm sorry to hear about today! Make sure you are taking care of practicalities with hot water bottles, meds, try to eat something comforting. Sorry if this is teaching grandma to suck eggs! I still love your 'milestones' list and have started one of my own to get through the next chunk of time...

I do think I'd give up work for a max of 3 IVF cycles. Not going to resign until clomid has failed though, so that's March sometime. I have some savings that might cushion the blow a bit. Plus I can always get a job teaching Physics and this school is... alright but my heart isn't in it at the moment and the kids deserve better (even if better can't be found).

@physicskate thanks! Today I have eaten cake and pizza!

I'd love you to share your list with me tomoz when I'll share mine too! Maybe we could put it up as a new thread self care when TTC or something, make some friends!

That is so true, you can always get a job teaching physics! Making a baby is clearly really important to you and me! So I think it's a great idea to focus all your energy on it without the hassle of demanding work!

Obvs, I hope clomid does the trick first! I forgot did you say you have PCOS? Did I tell you that metformin and inofolic sachets sorted me out?

Glad the combo sorted you. I definitely have polycystic ovaries but 'definitely not pcos' because my consultant said I don't 'look' like I do. Call me cynical, but I wasn't aware you could diagnose someone with an endocrine disorder by looking!! I have many symptoms but I'm no longer overweight (bmi 23)... I'm tempted to push with my gp for a diagnosis one way or another... but not sure how that result one way or the other will actually get me what I want!

God idea for a thread!!

Not all PCOS sufferers are overweight. Maybe worth a go though, DH and I were convinced inofolic made the difference for us.

I had a scan, blood tests and physical symptoms when I was diagnosed.

How did today go @physicskate? I spent the day sleeping.

Oh good! I'm glad you got some rest and are taking care of yourself!!

Today was busy - trying to squeeze a week's worth of work into a day. I'm surprised that I didn't manage it....

Then I went to an old colleague's (and very good friend's) housewarming party and caught up with some dear friends. I told them what's up and why I am leaving teaching. I talked about infertility without crying!! Seemed a good idea to all of them to quit too....

Oh well done! Not crying is big!

It's not like you're defo leaving forever unless you want to, it's just prioritising! How does your partner feel about it?

Hi there physicskate how are you?

Shite.

How are you?

Same lol! I just spent £20 on piss sample boxes! I've defo lost it this time!

You still working? Have you started IVF? I'm still waiting for my first AF post mc

No - I've been signed off with depression. Submitted my resignation too. I haven't heard whether or not it was accepted.

Next appointment isn't until mid-March. So nothing happening for quite awhile (I would imagine I need some sort of tests before IVF as my last bloodwork of any kind was last summer. So limbo... Two years of this shite is more than I can handle. But what can I do?? It's not like I can give up! We were going to take a break this month, but what if it is the ONE month I can get pregnant (not that there's hope at this point).

I just feel like a massive massive failure, at this and my job.

Oh sweetheart! I know a lot of what you're feeling because I've felt the same.

When I had contractions and had to push during the miscarriage I was in so much pain. I just kept telling my husband there wasn't a chance in hell that I'd ever have another go.

I don't think work is allowed to contact you when you're signed off so you can assume it will be accepted because it has been written by the resignation date.

Now you're almost frer from thinking about work you can focus on your mental health. Have you tried CBT? Worked for me.

I honestly think we've got to keep our eyes on the prize and just take it day by day. I'm with you mate!!!

I did speak to a counsellor for awhile last summer. Dh and I are seeing the clinics counsellor on Tuesday.

Work have contacted me most days... unavoidable. I'm signed off next week too but have a meeting to discuss this absence with work on Tuesday.

I can't do another two years of this, but don't know what the alternative is. I've lost myself and don't even know what I like doing as I have no hobbies except ttc and work...

I'm so sorry about your mc. It's just not fair...

Life isn't fair but it will be ok in the end. Don't think of it as another two years just look at the day ahead and make it a happy one.

Take your union into the meeting. Once your resignation has been accepted that'll free up your brain space to be happier. Don't worry about hobbiee just do the little things right. You can eat a cooked breakfast every morning! You can go to a flower market to get cheap beautiful flowers.

You're about to start a new phase of your life, one without the stresd of work. You're young, you have a commited partner and now you have all your time. Focus on the positives.

You can talk to me whenever you want. We'll get through this.

Hi physicskate how are you?

I'm ok peaches. Antidepressants are a good thing and it looks like we're off for ivf in the near future . Slightly concerned about things and feel I need a lap, but it's just dr google talking.

Applied for a new job. Even though I don't think I'll get it, I scored better than 99% of people on the numeracy section, which was the first thing that's happened in a long time that made me feel good about myself...

Anything happening your end?

I'm ok! Bit bored. Not getting to TTC really as husband is always away with work during my fertile weeks!

I'm kinda at the point where we only shag during 'fertile times' but we've basically given up on that too because it doesn't work. Not only has ttc ruined my mental health, but our sex life too...