Emotional Wreck

[user1465770502]

Waiting for the right time to start our family and have decided we will hopefully start trying in March when I'm entitled to OMP - I'm a wreck at the moment - everything baby related is making me a mess - I am so desperate for a baby and it feels like everyone around me is announcing births or pregnancies.

I know that there are lots of women who have been trying for a long time and I am not comparing myself at all - just using this as a safe place to rant whilst I have a little sob at the lack of baby in my life at the moment...

I'm so so worried that it's going to take me a long time to fall or that there will be problems - it wasn't proved but about 18 months ago after our honeymoon I think I had an early miscarriage ... I had a late very heavy bleed with lots of fresh blood - my GP said there was nothing they could do and that there was no need to make an appointment.

I think I'm just feeling so so anxious about starting our journey as I'm so worried about having a miscarriage (potentially again...)

My husband and I have been together 9 years and we are both ready - just waiting now as I don't want to miss OMP but feel like it's so unlikely I'd fall pregnant straight away anyway...

Sorry for a big rambley rant 😭

I understand completely. I’m ttc#1 at the age of 33 (almost 34!). So I’m stressing that I’ve left it too late and a) it’s not going to happen or b) it will takes ages to conceive.

It’s only my second cycle ttc and I’m already fed up with symptom spotting, OPKs and even dtd every other day. Just don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it up long term .

My cycles vary between 30-36 days. AF due to appear 1st-6th January. No sign yet but it could just be a longer cycle to trying not to get too excited and hold off testing until later this week.

Doesn’t help that my best mate had a baby 2 weeks ago and another announced their pregnancy at a New Years Eve party. Very happy for both of them but a tinge of jealousy as well...that must make me sound like an awful person

I would be a bit of a hypocrite if I told you not too worry and everything will be fine (as clearly I don’t listen to my own advice) but just wanted to reach out so that you know that you are not alone in feeling this way!

Ok, first of all BREATHE!

I can empathise the yearning for a baby. We’ve been trying to conceive for a few moths, I’m newly off the pill. I was expecting (&hoping) everything to happen quickly but it doesn’t happen like that. Healthy couples can take up to a year to concieve.

You will do your mental heath some serious harm if you continue to be this way. I can understand how much you want a baby, but you only live once. Life is so precious, do you really want to live your life like this? It will happen for you... enjoy your life, your Husband. When you have a baby you’ll look back and think why was I like that? X

@bubblybrit thank you for replying! Working myself into a state - I've got two close friends who are both pregnant and they're excited about their maternity leave together and sharing pregnancy - ohhhhh why is it all so hard - I'm sending you alllll the luck please let me know how you get on xxx

@Kate8989 iiiiiiiin and oooooout! Thank you - I need to be told to calm down I just need to enjoy time with my gorgeous husband and relax a little - I'm sure I'll make things more difficult the more emotional I get about everything - bloody hormones! Xx

Potentially controversial @user1465770502 but betting with the odds could it be worth a "soft start" with TTC now?

Not identical situations but it would be ideal if we didn't actually have a baby until this time next year at the earliest (about to tackle a very big house move, given up work etc etc). But 33 and keen to crack on and, because of the odds, we agreed we'd sort of not try not to from last month and see - I'm hopeless with the science and very much don't want to get all built up and stressed about it so saw it as a kind of killing two birds situation - I feel like we're on the road now which is positive and stops me getting obsessed (basically eating and drinking normally and aside from getting my head round the Glow app have steered clear of temping, OPK etc, so far); if we aren't lucky we're that much closer to help and IF we do get lucky in short order we will manage - you can definitely fudge the dates at work a little (speaking as an HR bod!) if you had to. Might be better than the agony of waiting and stressing yourself out that way, anyway?

@bubblybrit think we're in about the same boat, hi from the Jan bus!

Good luck both x

Kate8989 is completely right of course. There are lots of women on forums like this one that say they conceived the month that they relaxed!

DH and I both have busy jobs. Sometimes working 12-14 hours each day which makes dtd so often a little bit of a chore. I wish I could relax a little more and let nature takes its course but it just isn’t my personality.

Wishing you all the best once you start ttc 🙂 xx

@MrsDub 👋. It’s good to know that you aren’t alone. I’m the only one left in my group of friends without a baby! Think it adds to the pressure. Plus I’m getting subtle bits from my mum as she is desperate for the first grandchild 🙂 xx

Hints not bits!

Thank you @MrsDub it's so tempting and I'm worried that if we think about it too much the build up will be enormous - how easy would it be to fudge the dates a little - would it be dependant on getting a nice midwife or a nice HR bod? I feel like we can't afford not to have the OMP, but I don't think anything would ruin the elation if I did find out I'd fallen pregnant! Oh I don't know.....

@bubblybrit I here - it must be your turn next at least once a week.... I wish people would stop that as in yes it is my bloody turn but things aren't always that straight forward - my two close friends also both fell during their first month trying and so I just feel like the pressure is mounting!

@user. Yeah I know everyone means well but I wanna scream ‘we are trying’! 😡

@bubblybrit tell me about it - maybe we should and see the reactions! 🙈

@user. I’d love to see their faces lol 😂

@user1465770502 assume you mean "occupational" by OMP - would help to understand your contract a little (mainly on what terms you'd qualify for OMP) but I would always bend the "rulebook" a little where poss (easiest in a smaller company). An onside midwife would definitely help but expect less likely to have wiggle room on the Mat B1 from a legal perspective? Feel free to PM if you want more specific info!

I reckon if you feel you'd be so elated that it wouldn't be the end of the world if you were lucky in the next two months then read into that!! Maybe tell yourself you'll try with a small t ie stop taking precautions from next cycle, so you buy a couple more weeks closer to OMP but have something to look forward to and feel like you're getting on, avoid the head of steam which could be more detrimental in the long run and bet on the stats that it'll take 3-4 months at best?

Thinking of you too @bubblybrit, definitely time for a strategic response to the nebbing. Own DM trying to play it cool but clearly beside herself at the prospect xx

Thank you @MrsDub. My DH and I are redecorating at the moment so trying to use that as an excuse. DM response was ‘the carpets can wait. You on the other hand aren’t getting any younger’. Yeah like I don’t aren’t know that

already not aren’t

Ahh, the ever practical and infallible logic of the DM. No worries then, I'll put down the paintbrush and wait spreadeagled in a half decorated room until upduffed before resuming any other activity. Why not give up work at the same time!

@MrsDub this made me let out a little snort!

@MrsDub. Just read this on the train home and let out a little giggle. Think other commuters must have thought I was mad....😂

bless you both, glad to bring some levity to the party if I didn't laugh at my own DM I'd cry.. (said with love, but still!)!