TTC no 2: pitfalls of small age gap???

[LittleMissLate]

I have a 4 mth dd and am starting to think about ttc no.2. Don't want to leave it too long as in late 30's. Don't know if it is because everyone around me is pregnant but starting to think about ttc soon and wondering if 15 to 18 mths is too close (had been planning to wait 2 yrs)? What are the pros and cons of this age gap? Wouild appreciate any thoughts from parents with different age gaps. (Having 2 in nappies doesn't worry me - more interested in the effect on dd/second child, other practicalities)

Pros

Older child is too young to be jelous
gets the whole sleepless night/nappy thing over quickly (unless you are planning more than two)

Cons

Double buggy
tired mummy

I have a 15 month gap, and a 5 year gap. Both are great in different ways. You just work with what you get in the end...

Pros

Older child is too young to be jelous
gets the whole sleepless night/nappy thing over quickly (unless you are planning more than two)

Cons

Double buggy
tired mummy

I have a 15 month gap, and a 5 year gap. Both are great in different ways. You just work with what you get in the end...

My littlies are 14 months apart. Tis fab.

They play together, they learn together and they wind me up together

I had no jealousy at all from the elder one (I sometimes get a bit now if one of them is ill and needs a lot of cuddling - but either of them can be jealous) Sometimes it was a bit like a conveyor belt with nappies, especially when they were ill, it seemed like I was ALWAYS changing the blardy things, but even that wasn't a problem.

It is hard work running around after two toddlers, but SO worth it.

In all honesty, you're having the second one when the first is so young, that they don't remember a time when they were on their own, so there is no long term effect on them.

Mine have 15 mnth age gap. Big upside was that ds was really to little when dd was born to be too actively jealous of her and cannot now (at nearly 4) remember life without her. Other real up point is that they are close enough in age to want to do the same things - a day at the swings for example appeals to both. They are also friends and can play together beautifully.

There are of course things which are difficult. Ds and dd fight over everything and some days I think I am perfectly qualified to work for the UN (this may just be typical sibling behaviour but it seems worse as they both throw toddler tantrums). Also having 2 very young children who require a lot of attention can be very tiring and I think initially the first child can lose out unless you are very careful as there are times when a new baby must have your attention.

For me what made it work was getting them in to a similar routine as fast as possible - so they ahve baths together, go to be at the same time and eat together.

Don't think the gap is too small at all and I wouldn't have it any other way!

hi can i just say i second every thing Squonk i am in the same situation as her mine are 16 months and 30 months and i am loving it want another one asap so there not to much of a gap

Yep I concur with the others here. I have a 15 month age gap and really think that all the positives were big. Such as the lack of jealousy, being able to be close enough in age to play wonderfully together, as already mentioned here by others.

The down side was the first few months were tiring, but as the oldest was still having afternoon naps, I often managed to get both of them down to sleep at the same time, and take an afternoon nap myself too - a big advantage over having a toddler who needs your full attention all day.

I did not bother with a double buggy, my oldest only managed to start walking just as the second baby arrived. But using a sling for the baby and toddler in the buggy to start with, then baby in the buggy and toddler on a buggy board or walking.

With your being an older mum (as I was when I had my two!) it might take a little longer to concieve, (or not as in my case!!!!) so might be good to consider starting ttc earlier.

I have kept my two in sleeping together in the same room, and have no problem with them waking each other up.

I will try to think of other practicalities later and come back to you.

Thanks for the comments so far - all really helpful and positive (particularly like the idea of a joint afternoon nap ). I've used a sling most of the time with dd so I would probably use a sling and a single buggy rather than a double one. I'm coming round to the idea of starting ttc soon more and more, particularly as it might take a while...

On the sling and single buggy, I too was determined to do this until my back cried for mercy and I dreamt of them being cosily strapped in next to each other - be prepared to give in!

Sling and single buggy works in theory, until you are carrying huge 4 month old in sling, and pushing buggy loaded with shopping and still not walking 18 month old up a hill.

Or maybe it is just me with huge children, late walkers, and no car.

I agree with jelley's points - I have a 14-15 month age gap and I must admit, the first 3 years are a total blank. I can hardly remember how I got by until dd (my eldest) started at pre-school then I think I started to feel more human again .

How you cope depends on so many things that I agree with others, you just work with what you get in the end. A lot depends on how much outside help you get too.

oh and the joint afternoon nap saved my sanity . I cried when they stopped that nap!

I'm lucky in that dd is very petite so not too heavy in the sling yet. Do have a hill to walk up though so can see that it might become hard work!!! Wouldn't rule out a double buggy or equivalent - some friends have the Phil & Teds one that we might be able to borrow if theirs dc's are too old for it by then...

Oh dear, I'm going to be more negative but my experience is maybe a bit different. I have 3 DS - exactly 2 years between DS1 and DS2 which I thought was perfect (although had been trying since DS1 born). Have 14 month gap between DS2 and DS3 and think that DS2 really missed out as when he was just starting walking and wanting 'up, up, up' the new baby needed my attention. DP doesnt agree though so it may just be me feeling that I couldnt give DS2 enough time as demands of DS1 - who could make himself heard - and DS 3 - who could also make himself heard - took up all my time. I was older though and so again had made the decision to start trying early in case it took a while, just be prepared for it not!!!