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Original poster

TCC with no suitable home?

10 replies

HannahLucy · 28/12/2017 13:47

Hi everyone

I’m 37 and my partner is 42. We’ve been together three years and we are thinking of TCC. My partner wants to start ASAP but I am very anxious about our living situation. We both own our own flats but they are both unsuitable for a new family. Mine in a studio flat on the third floor and his is in an area that I don’t know and hours away from anyone I do know. It’s also an absolute state and full of his junk.

I also have a job that demands 60 hours a week plus I’m studying part time to enable me to switch careers and work from home if I do become a Mum. The studying should end in September - December. The thought of tcc/being pregnant and doing all that plus house hunting makes me feel so overwhelmed.

My partner seems to think it will all work somehow and is dragging his heels looking for a place now but wants to tcc now....he does work better to a deadline!

I am insisting that he promises me that if we have a child and have no place by then that we’ll rent somewhere - that would take the pressure off. But he refuses to rent under any circumstances. And he currently seems in no rush to find somewhere to buy right now.

Am I needlessly worrying? Or am I right to want a plan for our living arrangements before we start TCC....at our age?

OP posts:
Original poster
HannahLucy · 28/12/2017 13:50

I mean TTC - can’t seem to edit!?

OP posts:
hevonbu · 28/12/2017 13:59

Well, a 60 hour job week, are you sure you want your remain in that job, and for what purpose? My dad grew up in a "studio flat" (though it wasn't called that, this was back in the 1940's). Not ideal but doable, I guess.

MeadowHay · 28/12/2017 14:07

I'm a bit confused, you don't live together, right? Are you expecting to live together if you raise a child? If you are, then you need to sort your housing out first imo but I do sympathise that you both probably feel the clock is ticking.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 28/12/2017 14:09

You need to find somewhere to live. That’s minimum. You don’t need to immediately be in it, but IMO before you start trying for a baby you need to have somewhere nailed down to live in.

MeadowHay · 28/12/2017 14:10

Also, think about what you would do if your birth didn't go to plan or you gave birth to a poorly or disabled child - that would mean you couldn't continue with your studies on your present timetable, you would have to take some time out and that would delay finishing your course. Many people do this of course but it's just something to think about it. I mean even without that you may still have to take some time out of your course for some mat leave/to give birth/look after baby. Is your course OU or do you have to actually attend classes? How would that work with a newborn? I think it seems way more sensible to sort out living together and finish your course first. You could perhaps TTC before your course ends but just ensure baby would be born after it ends, although just a warning that again if you had a very difficult pregnancy you would have to put your course on hold - I have HG and I've been signed off work for the past 9 weeks, I graduated from my degree in July and there is no way in hell I could have continued on it being as sick as I have been for the past 2-3 months.

Oysterbabe · 28/12/2017 14:53

I can definitely see both sides. I would be worried about the ticking clock and declining fertility so would definitely want to start trying asap. That would be conditional on a clear plan in place re living situation, I.e. once both flats are on the market. Start house hunting now and also start tracking your cycle so you can hit the ground running when you start trying.

Original poster
HannahLucy · 28/12/2017 15:34

Thanks all

To clarify: The studies are so I can quit my job as I know it is not sustainable but need to stay for now to get mat leave. I can put the studies on hold but I should finish in 9 months time. We do live together, in my studio flat.

OP posts:
MeadowHay · 28/12/2017 17:05

But if you're studying with a uni, usually they only let you suspend studies at certain times in-line with term times, so it's not like you can stop exactly where you are and just go back to it whenever you want, you usually have to take a year at a time and it has to coincide with the term dates etc, but if you're OU or something that would probably be a lot different. And if you do suspend your studying, so it's not finished by the time you finish mat leave, then you would presumably have to go back to that job at the end anyway? Or would you be planning to finish the course whilst on mat leave? That might be possible but presumably again only if you didn't have a very poorly/disabled baby and only if it fitted with the term dates of your university.

Just lots of things to think about I guess.

In terms of your living situation, sorry I misunderstood - in that case if you think everything would be fine with uni then I'd go for it. Obviously living in a studio flat wouldn't be ideal with a newborn but plenty of people live in flats with children and presumably it would be short-term. My DPs lived in a one-bed flat on the 2nd floor (no lift) throughout DM's later pregnancy and until I was about 18 months. Obviously there were difficulties but it was manageable. I'm pregnant now and we live in a 2-bed flat on the 3rd floor with no lift - not ideal but we will be moving somewhere more suitable when baby is a few months old so manageable in the short term. I know there are plenty of people who live in lovely big houses who can't comprehend people living in small flats with babies, but plenty of people do it and make it work.

Original poster
HannahLucy · 28/12/2017 19:22

Thank you!

I’m not studying with a uni and they will let me take as long as it takes. The taught part will finish in April. I don’t intend on returning to my job after mat leave so I could do it then - I would prefer to do it all before but I can pause it if it is all too much.

My main concern is the living situation. My partner seems to think either a) we can buy and move in time (despite him not putting much interest into that right now) or b) we could cope in one of our flats if we had to (his is 2 bed, just isolated from anything or anyone I know and a real mess).

I don’t think we can do either a or b without a lot of stress and my life is quite stressful already. So I am asking him that he have a safety net of renting a place if we need to if the times comes....we have the money but he really thinks renting is a waste.

We need to decide this before we start trying and i’m looking for an idea from the experienced if avoiding situation a and b is important enough to spend 6-12 months rent or a year? Do I insist on that safety net?

All three options would be temporary....

OP posts:
MeadowHay · 28/12/2017 20:13

Can't help on that front as we can't afford to buy so renting is a necessary evil for us unfortunately!

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