Ttc one year anniversary :-(

[Sshsecretenclosed]

Good evening all,
Feeling sorry for myself tonight. Hit the milestone that is one year since we nervously decided to ttc our first baby. Thinking that at that stage it could even almost be instant. That by this time in 2017, we would be pregnant or holding our lo. Instead, af has decided to rear her head tonight and remind me that one year may have passed since I came off the pill but no baby. I’m grateful to have regular cycles of 28 days and I’m grateful that today marks simply a year, when I know there are many others out there who are further along than me but tonight I can’t help feel sorry for myself and our dream that just hasn’t been realised yet.

Hope I can pick up some morale and get back on it, so to speak!, in January, x

Reading this back, it sounds really pitiful but just wanted to reach out and see if anyone else feeling the same?

I feel you, ive not been on the pill since May 2016 and had a miscarriage July 2016 and nothing since... it has made me obsessive and sadly very desperate! As horrible as it sounds ive just had to busy myself and try not to think about it. The first pregnancy happened without any thought. Never give up hope dear

Sending love to you. Next year? 2018 must be for you
Feb 10th next year will be 6 years of trying for a 2nd baby. The first was a surprise 11 years after being told I'd never successfully carry a child.
At this point I now resemble a Disney cartoon shrivelled hag as my weary jadedness is so clearly worn on my face

I’m just over a month past my one year anniversary of starting ttc. I understand. Having been pregnant twice in the past while still on the pill (well missing one out of the pack!) I thought it would be instant too but I’m now onto month 14 with no pregnancies at all. Have you started fertility testing yet?

Thanks for your reassurance all. I haven't been to the doctors yet because it's truthfully been a busy year. A few issues with study, completing a degree whilst working full time, and stress over workload with my day job, have meant that some months, I might not have been as 'active' as I'd have liked to be. Some months however, very. I'm trying to just get myself now into the mindset that January must see more effort! DH remains adamant that our time will come and it will 'happen.' Honestly though, I admire his optimism!

I'm onto cycle 14 it's shit isn't it?

Soooo shit. I feel like a failure. In a really dramatic mood today but feel like my body isn't doing what it should. I've even stopped religiously taking my seven seas ttc vitamins because I'm just finding it hard to keep picking myself up. How do people keep up the enthusiasm for DTD! I love my DH for staying so calm with me. I wish I had his optimism on it all.

Awww hun same here. If af shows next week I'll be onto 14 as well very similar story. Never had a bfp! Had a spurt of optimism this month with it being Christmas etc but that's now wearing thin. I can't bring myself to get tests yet either. We're all here for ya if you want to chat. X

Thanks Owl. I was quite optimistic this month too but af has certainly put paid to that!

Me too On cycle 15 and feeling quite down. Have been thinking about going to the doc for a few months now do really should get the ball rolling (I’m just over the 35 mark). And totally with you on the supplements - took them everyday for at least 9 months and now haven’t quite kept up with it. I guess we just need to keep going and hope for the best...

If it’s any consolation, I’m onto cycle 16 (month 14 of ttc #2). DS took 10 cycles over 11 months so I have plenty of experience of long term ttc and it well and truly sucks. It’s had a hugely detrimental impact on my self confidence. The loss of control also sits very uncomfortably with my inner control freak.

My new year’s resolution is to try not to put life on hold “just in case” a pregnancy is forthcoming and to focus on self-care and doing things that make me feel good about myself.

I shall be keeping everything crossed that you get your BFP very very soon.

Just to add - I know it’s easy to beat yourself up and assume that as the female you’re the problem on the ttc front (and tbh I think most of us would prefer it this way, as at least it gives us the control over fixing it), but male factor issues are just as common as female issues on this front.

In our case male factor looks to be the issue, and I’ve now realised that all the time I spent in 2017 trying to destress and the money I spent on acupuncture were probably utterly futile...

It’s just so lovely to feel support from you ladies and also understanding. I think ttc is a really personal thing and I only have a couple of friends who are even aware. In one sense it means that only a couple realise it hasn’t happened yet but it also isolated you a title because people don’t realise there is a struggle and that’s demanding.

I’ve really struggled with workload in last month from work and been under the doctor for depression. Never ever suffered before. Can’t help but feel it’s all getting a little bit much for me

It sounds as though you’ve had an awful lot on your plate this year Shhh. I posted on here about ttc having a detrimental on my confidence about 6 weeks ago and lots of lovely ladies responded to say that they had found that counselling (either via their GP or privately) had helped so that might definitely be worth investigating. Christmas and a change of scene on the job front have actually made me feel better since then, but I may well look into this if I feel myself slipping into ttc induced depression again. We’ve been very open about our struggles both times around (a ruptured ectopic and enforced time off work last time meant that we felt compelled to tell people) which I think has helped, but I’m mindful that you might feel it will just add to the pressure.

What I know from hanging out on these boards for a long time and the experiences of those around me IRL is that most people who want a baby will have one eventually but that it can be very hard to predict when it might happen. For that reason, I would encourage you to sit down now and plan out your holidays for the year (you don’t need to book them just yet) and plan lots of things that are completely unpregnancy/ non-child related but which will make your heart sing. You’ll never have these months/ years again, so try and make the most of them and you can always change those plans once a baby is on its way. Here to hand hold.

Also to point out, to any of you who feel like a failure, seriously, don’t! I used to feel that way but when I took everything into account, it gave me so much more perspective. If you and your partner are both completely healthy then you still only have a 20-25% chance of conceiving every month. When a guy ejaculates, there’s about 300 million sperm (in a healthy male) and to get anywhere near your egg is damn near impossible. Loads die in the acidic environment of the vagina, others are killed by our immune systems that see them as foreign invaders, others die getting trapped in cilia, then half of the ones left end up going up the wrong tube. There are so many physical and chemical things going on up there that make getting pregnant almost impossible. It really is a wonder how anyone actually conceives. So as hard as it is when you’re LTTTC, don’t ever think you’re a failure. The odds are stacked ridiculously high against you

I love these facts bubble. Thank you. Cariad you are so right!! I need to plan all those lovely holidays. And stop putting my life on hold. A friend of mine does always say, there are some things in life you just cannot plan and clearly this really is the case for me!

@sshsecretenclosed
Im sending you lots of positive vibes for 2018. May your life be full and alongside that may this all come to be for you!
Just out of curiosity, have you used any ovulation-monitoring devices? Do you use any apps to track all your dates etc?

Hi window. Thanks for your reply. I use Ovia to track my period. In the first few months got a little obsessed with putting in data so just use it now for recording af. I also used the cb dual hormone in first few months too but recently nothing as felt I was making too much out of it. Think I need to go back to basics and start using them all again!

sending you more positive vibes for the year 2018.l understand all too well what you are going through.we ttc for 24 cycles and decided to leave it with dh, and soon after ,we got that most wanted bfp. sadly I had a mc at 12 weeks and now we are onto cycle 28. long time ttc is the hardest but with these wonderful ladies on mumsnet, you always have someone who understands what you are going through.

l agree with the others, don't put your life on hold. continue doing what you love and hopefully one day, you will be sharing your bfp story with us. best of luck

I hear you hunny. Slightly different for me but still sucky situation. Got pregnant first go in July. Started bleeding August BH at 10 weeks and scan showed baby had died 6 weeks ish (even though we had seen a heartbeat around that time) so diagnosed MMC.

On to cycle 4 of trying since and nothing as yet.

I know people might say "well at least you know you can get pregnant" but that's not the case, I'm 39 and 3 months and that could well have been it.

We put our wedding on hold as we'd set a date of 1 Dec this year but found out 4 days after we got engaged we were pregnant! Now we feel like we either have to slow or book the wedding and risk me being pregnant and potentially not enjoying the day (had bad morning sickness last time) or even miscarriage again.

Guess I'm saying i understand excactly ho you feel x

*elope, not slow!

I’m sorry to hear about your upset coastal. Here’s to a successful 2018 for the both of us xx