@running3. I found out that my baby had died when I was supposed to be 10.5 weeks pregnant, the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. It was a missed miscarriage. I will never forget the feeling I had inside when the sonographer turned the screen around and said to me "This is not going to be an on going pregnancy".
I said nothing and let out the most grief stricken cry. It was the kind of cry that I've only let out a few times in my 28 years. I walked into the scan room with hope and left with a broken heart.
I went to Morrison's with my husband and I bought; a French stick, pate, a large bottle of port and a big bar of Dairy Milk. I remember walking around in a daze, almost like I was floating instead of walking. I didn't talk to my husband for hours, I didn't really know what to say.
When I did talk to him finally, I was angry, furious. Why had this happened to me? I did everything you are meant to do when pregnant and didn't do everything you weren't meant to.
I stayed in bed for a few days. It popped up on my news feed about Kate and William having their baby and I sobbed. They are almost a decade older than me!
It was 15 weeks yesterday since I had my medical management. I gave birth, as it were, at around 10pm and my husband and I gently placed the baby in a box and then a few days later we buried them under a potted tree in the garden.
The feelings you are feeling, they will get easier, they won't go away but they get easier to manage. You will still shed the odd tear, even months from now and that is ok.
I hope I have not been too honest and I hope that you can find some peace.
