On TTC again

[pollysue]

Lost a baby last year after. Did not find out until 17 weeks of pregnancy but baby lost shortly after 12 week scan. (Very shocking as scan result was excellent).
Has this happened to anyone else out there?
I have a beautiful ds. I know I should be eternally grateful but I am desperate for another babe. I've found it incredibly difficult being around pregnant mums and friends that have moved on in family life. I feel as if I should have had my second baby but have been sorely cheated.
I conceived quickly with both pregnancies of ds and one I lost. Have been trying but perhaps things are not happening as quickly as hoped. Any support much appreciated.

Hello I lost my baby 3 days after my scan (I was 11 weeks at scan date)I was told at the scan everything looked perfect so I know what a shock it is. We had waited for this to tell everyone including our dd we emailed the scan picture to our family and then had to tell them all 3 days later the lo had not made it. I to feel so grateful for my dd but am also desperate for another baby and know exactly how you feel about pregnant women. Worst thing for me at the moment is I think I am in the middle of MC number 2 but we will have to wait and see.
I can't offer any advice but I find sometimes it helps to know there are others in the same position and I wish you all the luck in the world for having a healthy baby soon.

Hi elerose,

sorry for massive delay...tried mailing back y\d but nothing happend!!?? Hope you get this and just to say so sorry that you've been there too. And of what you must be going through at the moment. I saw your other thread and feel for you. I hope everything will be OK. The support from other MN was v. positive.
Yes it was a real shock to loose my secong baby. You think you are safe when you get beyond 12 weeks. I thought it was a sick joke at the time and was totally devastated. The hardest thing is not knowing what went wrong. Anyway would love to be pg again soon, although I know I'll probably be a nervous wreck!! I think when you've had a normal PG followed by one that has gone wrong you naturally feel anxious. Anyway seding positive vibes.

Oh yes, I was going to ask you how you found out you had MC at 11 weeks or just after? I did not have any MC signs until nearly 17 weeks and even then it wasn't very much. Just very slight spotting. I can't believe I carried my baby all that time without knowing.

Hello Pollysue, thanks for your message I knew I was having MC last time because I started bleeding in the morning but was in A&E by 11pm as I was bleeding so heavily there really was no doubt what was happening. I am still spotting today I had the result of the test from the doctors earlier which confirmed I was pg (I told him this what I want to know is am I still pg?)

meant to say as well I was 11+3 when this happened and I agree it is the not knowing why that is the most difficult to cope with.

Hi elerose can you go for an early scan to see if anything shows up or is it too early at the mo? Fingers crossed all will be ok for you.
I was asked this morning by health visitor if I knew what went wrong with last PG. (I wasn't given any reasons but told it's just one of thoughs things.) It's awful when people ask you that though Isn't it?
Sorry if I've asked you something that you've already answered on another thread by the way.

My doctor is very reluctant to send me for an early scan he said in his experience they cause more distress as the results are so often inconclusive until 8 weeks. I can kind of see where he is coming from because thats exactly what happened to me on my last pg (the one I lost later on). And I'm so busy this week with work and my dd is in a show all week at the local theatre so I don't really have time to keep going to the doctors to argue. That probably sounds terrible but I really don't want my problems to affect dd. If I am still pg I'll be 7 weeks on friday so I would have thought they would see something then, I'll ring the doctor and see if I can have a word.
They couldn't tell me either why my last baby died they said it was probably due to an abnormality but I think this is just what they say when they don't know and can't see anything else wrong. They did offer me a post mortem but said it was unlikely to tell them anything so I didn't have it done.
How old is your ds my dd is 7 and she was utterly devestated by my MC as she was soo excited about being a big sister and I felt so guilty for putting her through it.

Hi Pollysue. Have a look at the ttc after m/c thread in the conception section. Unfortunately, there are an awful lot of us there at the moment. MrsMcJnr posted a lovely poem about trying again sometime last week, I think. It made me well up! I'll see if I can find it and post it here for you...

This is MrsMcJnr's post

QUOTE
I?ve been meaning to share this poem with you for a while. It was written by a lady called Patricia Waldron for her daughter after her first little angel was lost.

A Different Child

A different child,
People notice
There?s a special glow around you,
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father?s eyes.

And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There?s a trace of tears,
One day
You?ll understand
You?ll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment.
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
Any may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth.
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother?s tears
Another father?s silent grief
The you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
?I know how you feel.
I?m only here
Because my mother tried again.?

It makes me well up each time I read it but it also fills me with hope for my different child

This was in the book called ?Trying Again? by Ann Douglas & John Sussman that I?ve already told some of you about, well worth a read.

UNQUOTE

Mumpbump I'm now sitting in work crying that poem is lovely and really does inspire you to keep trying. thanks

Thats so lovely, so sad, yet offers hope which we all must have. Some babies are just not strong enough for life and are sent to serve as angels. When I get a mo I'll check into
TTC after m/c - thanks Mumpbump.
elerose, I can understand your situation now being too early for a scan. Not long to go though and you are right to concentrate on DD.
I was offered a PMort too but declined as there was a high risk it would have been inconclusive at that stage.
My ds is almost 4. If I had of had the baby lost ds would have been 3 1/2. The "ideal" gap or so I thought...but I now realise there is no such thing.

How are you doing elerose? Hope your dd show has gone well.

I'm OK thanks have had no luck even talking to a doctor this week so I've got an appointment with the Midwife this afternoon after bullying the receptionist. I just have to talk to someone and I'll let you know how I get on. I stopped spotting on tuesday so I'm thinking this is either a good sign or it's all over for this lo.
On a happier note my dd's show is going really well and she's loving all the attention it's nice to have something positive to focus on at the moment. How are you feeling pollysue are you finding much help on the ttc after mc thread.

Hi elerose,
glad you have bullied the midwife to see you. I'm sure you are going to need a lot of reassurance this time as I know I would want. It's sounds encourageing that you have stopped bleeding anyway.
Have not had a mo to check out ttc after mc, but I will. I could wittle away hours and hours on mn and not get a darn thing done!
Feeling ok about things today. I'm told it can take up to a year. I guess physically after mc the body has been through a lot so it can take time. I fell quickly with both previous pg but it doesn't always happen that way.
Let me know how things go.

hello well have today been to epu who confirmed I have had a complete MC again. Pollysue I think your right about our bodies needing time maybe it was just too soon for me. Just feel very sad, lonely and useless today.

Dear elerose
I'm feeling it for you, thoughts are wih you. I'm sure your worst fear has been confirmed. The only thing I can say is words from a friend that boyed her up after her 2 MC's that "the mc were proof she could get PG and each one was preparation for the next". You will get there. You will reach your goal. Give yourself time to heal and time to feel angry and cheated. Your last MC wasn't that long ago and the body does need time.
On our front we've had some terrible news that we've got to move house. It has shattered our plans and tarnished our dreams. I'm so sick of bad luck. My real fear is ttc with all this added preasure and stress which isn't going to help making or keeping a baby. But yet I don't want to give up our lives and our future plans for the sake of what has been dropped upon us and is out of our control. I'm in my mid 3o's so I'm feeling the clock.
Take lots of care of yourself.

Thank you pollysue I do feel exactly how you describe and I'm so sorry you are going to have to deal with this on top of ttc. Your friend sounds alot stronger than me but that is definately a good way of thinking. I really hope some good luck comes both our ways soon. I don't know how much more I can take.