Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Horrible jealous feelings - is it just me?

14 replies

MaisyPops · 08/12/2017 22:01

This is kind of an AIBU which I'm not in a million years putting in AIBU (not that people seem to read what threads are in before replying much but we'll see).

Ok, so I have been talking about this with Dh and he's been lovely and said IANBU but i still feel awful.

We've been TTC for over a year and have never managed a single positive test. I go up and down over it and we're starting testing.

I've just found out that a family friend has had multiple miscarriages in thr last 6-8 months and whilst i'm totally devestated for her and her husband, there was a really horrible part of me that thought 'how is that even fair that you've had all those pregnancies and you already have a beautiful 4 year old'.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to TTC, get pregnant and lose a much wanted baby and yet I feel a tiny bit jealous that she's even managed at pregnancy when we haven't.

DH says I'm not awful because I clearly feel for her and her husband and yet I'm beating myself up for even thinking of being jealous.

Is it just me who's felt like this? Is TTC messing with my head? Confused

OP posts:
Bubblegum89 · 08/12/2017 22:14

It’s perfectly normal to have those feelings and it doesn’t make you a bad person. When you’re ttc, every pregnancy announcement stings a little bit I think.

It’s awful not being able to be happy for someone without being sad for yourself. My little sister is pregnant. It was unplanned and the second pregnancy she had this year (she had a termination with the first) and I am so excited to have a niece and I’m happy for them because having a child is one of the most amazing things but sometimes I want to scream when I see her complaining that she can’t go on the sunbeds and she can’t sleep because she keeps feeling kicks. I’ve been ttc for over a year with zero positive tests also (although I’m very very lucky to already have a 9 yo from a previous relationship) and it’s awful and upsetting and frustrating and every negative emotion you can imagine.

Feeling pangs of jealousy or being sad at things like that comes with the territory I think. I do try to remember that it’s not other people’s fault that I can’t get pregnant but sometimes that doesn’t really help. Don’t feel bad Flowers

carlotta85 · 08/12/2017 22:19

I tell myself that she (whichever acquaintance or colleague of mine is pregnant) isn't pregnant with 'my' baby, that her being pregnant doesn't have any effect on me being getting pregnant (there aren't finite pregnancies to go around) and that I don't know the full story.

When you're not getting pregnant it's easy to feel bitter, angry, jealous, a whole host of things when other people do, but I try to move my thoughts onto other things.

Original poster
MaisyPops · 09/12/2017 07:32

Thank you ladies.
It helps to hear I'm not alone or being a horrible person.

I like the idea that nobody is pregnant with 'my baby'. Them being pregnant hasn't taken a baby from me.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 09/12/2017 07:35

It is a bit messed up to be jealous of her miscarriages. She'd probably have preferred to not get pregnant at all than have that joy and hope before having it snatched away. TTC does funny things to us though and can make us behave in strange and irrational ways so don't beat yourself up too much.

keeponrunning85 · 09/12/2017 09:07

It is normal to have these feelings. And hard to deal with feeling jealous of your friends.

I've been TTC for 3 years and had 4 miscarriages. At times I felt not being able to get pregnant at all was a better option because I felt what is the point in getting pregnant if you just lose them. To me if you can't get pregnant you get IVF and people help you try and have a baby. With recurrent miscarriages you are largely told that it is probably just bad luck and to go away and try again.

Different side of the same coin I suppose
Basically it is all a massive head fuck!

Original poster
MaisyPops · 09/12/2017 09:12

Oysterbabe
I'm not jealous of her miscarriages.
Last night I was just feeling jealous that we've been trying for over a year and there's someone who has managed to conveive more in 6 months. It left me feeling totally pathetic like there's sonething wrong with me.
Plus they already have a child so the childish side of me was a bit 'they already have a gorgeous child. Why can't we have one'

keeponrunning85 I agree TTC and losing babies are all part of one massive head fuck.
There's people at work expecting too and I think i was just feeling really sensitive ladt night

OP posts:
Iamchanging · 09/12/2017 09:22

There’s never a good scenario when you are struggling to TTC. We have been trying for a year and a half now. After ten months I got pregnant and sailed through, until I got to 26 weeks and my baby girl was stillborn. This morning I’m sitting here thinking I should be 35 weeks today and about to have the best Christmas ever instead of the worst. So I suppose what I’m saying is trust me, actually managing to get pregnant doesn’t help at all if you then lose it all.

keeponrunning85 · 09/12/2017 09:28

Maisy it is totally understandable to have good and bad days. The situation is difficult and upsetting, for anyone who is experiencing it.

I was chatting about it all to two friends last weekend, one has been TTC for a year with no BFP, and another who has 2 young children, both conceived relatively quickly. My friend with the kids made a very valid point. When you decide you want a baby you want a baby then, or max 9 months time, not some indeterminate length of time in the future. That's part of what makes it so hard. And it doesn't help that in school it is drummed into you that you could get pregnant if you so much as look at a naked penis!

Original poster
MaisyPops · 09/12/2017 09:35

And it doesn't help that in school it is drummed into you that you could get pregnant if you so much as look at a naked penis!
I said this to DH.
In school it's very much 'boy touches your belly with his hand and yoy will get pregnant'.
I'm starting to think that message is hugely irresponsible. It would ve much better if they said 'having unprotected sex caj lead to pregnancy. If you do not want a baby then you should use protection'. It's got to be better than the over the top messages that get hammered in at school.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaisyPops · 09/12/2017 09:36

Iamchanging
So sorry to hear of your loss. Flowers
It must be a horrible time of year for you this year.

Nobody says it's going to be so hard

OP posts:
keeponrunning85 · 09/12/2017 09:45

So sorry for your loss iamchanging. (Cross posted before.)

tappitytaptap · 09/12/2017 13:00

So sorry Iamchanging. @keeponrunning I totally agree with your friend! Its so hard because of that. I'm on cycle 2 of TTC #2 (#1 conceived after 3 months so not long) and I even had mixed feelings about my friend having her baby even though I'm thrilled for her, and she tried for about 10 months so was hardly quick. Totally normal I think.

SoozC · 09/12/2017 15:36

Very normal to feel jealous. I miscarried my first ever pregnancy last month after ttc for nearly two years. I can't help but feel that if I hadn't gotten pregnant and miscarried I'd be feeling happier. Not over the moon, as I would still be upset and disappointed about not conceiving, but I wouldn't be suffering such despair as I am now. I am jealous of anyone with children as Christmas is such a lovely time with little ones.

juneybean · 10/12/2017 17:36

I get you, I've also never been pregnant and don't know if I ever will. It would be nice to know that I could!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread