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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

dh 110% clear he doesnt want any more kids - I am broody....

20 replies

lu9months · 19/04/2007 21:00

I have 2 lovely boys, aged nearly 5 and 2 and a half. life is bonkers - I work nearly full time, and the kids are a handful, though gorgeous. we have a small house, small car, oh and I am nearly 38. dh is absolutely set against another baby, and I totally agree it would be madness - except I cant help wanting one before I get too old. also had a horrid last pregnancy. am I completely insane??

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 19/04/2007 21:02

I can think of a hundred reasons not to have another baby - BUT if you want one then nothing i say will make you change your mind.

For me i'm happy to not have any more children - of course i get broody for about 5 min's

bubbly1973 · 20/04/2007 09:06

lu9months, i think loads of women feel exactly like you, i know i do, i am blessed with 2sons yet i know i will deep down always want to have another baby, but if i had 3 kids, i know deep down i would want one more...then another and another..

realisticly its the idea of being pregnant and holding the baby in my arms, all tiny and newborn smelling so sweet that i want....not the rest of it, the running around after them, training them, and im my situation not forgetting that i cant even get pregnant naturally!

so i think perhaps you will always feel broody, but you will learn to live with it.

however, if you feel really really strong and know that later in life you may resent your dh for not giving you another child, then i think you really need to have a talk with him and see if you can work things out. good luck

amidaiwish · 20/04/2007 09:56

yes you are insane! but it's also natural.
my dh is broody... i am not! life is just starting to get easier with 2 DDs (18m and 3.1). i am looking forward to some sleep

nappyaddict · 20/04/2007 10:09

you could always do what a friend of mine did. announced she was not using the pill anymore because it was giving her bad headaches. said they would have to use condoms. her dh did so but was a bit slap dash about it (ie not all the time) hey presto baby number 3 on the way! of course when she did tell him she was pregnant he was over the moon in the end!

honeyapple · 20/04/2007 10:38

Hi,

not sure about nappyvalley's advice ,
but just like to say that I was feeling exactly the same as you a year ago... DH totally against having anymore, again same situation- small house etc... anyway I did go on a bit about it... ie I dont want to regret not having another, and once it is here you wouldnt say you didnt want it etc...

and eventually he changed his mind. I think it helped that some friends were just having babies...

and now I am 3 mths PG with number 3. Quite scared, but very excited! Oh and we still have a small house. Will be cramped but cosy.

honeyapple · 20/04/2007 10:38

Sorry- nappyaddict

nappyaddict · 20/04/2007 10:40

oh know i don't advocate getting pregnant on purpose if your partner doesn't want a baby in the slightest.

it was a bit different to when women "forget" to take their pill or it "happens" to not work that month. she told him she wasn't taking it any more and it was down to him whether or not he used a condom. he chose not to a couple of times and she got pregnant.

choosyfloosy · 20/04/2007 10:43

it's very hard on the broody partner (which in our family is dh). wish, wish, wish, he could have the baby, go through pregnancy with a toddler, go through hideous horrible hateful labour, be stitched up, feed all the time, be up at 5.30 for three years and feel 'if only i weren't so tired i might be enjoying this, as it is i just wish we were all dead so that i could rest'.

sorry - i'm the opposite of broody atm even though we only have one. we are looking at adoption even but i'm sure for the wrong reasons, and i don't think i would be much of a parent to a child who needed so much more love.

mm. so... back to your thread....

honeyapple · 20/04/2007 10:46

choosyfloosy- 2nd babies are much easier (generally) and labour can be quite good! I had a much better experience 2nd time around- and also a baby that slept all night from 6 wks old compared to my DS that woke up several times until he was at least 3 yrs old. So, please don't be put of by earlier experiences... and not all pregnancies are the same too.

bobsyouruncle · 20/04/2007 10:47

lu9months I'm in similar position - 2 dc 4 & 2, I'm 37 with small house & car, life already hectic & dh dead against any more... but I have the same yearning for another one. I just try to focus on the negatives of having another?! I do wonder if I'll get to an age where it's no longer possible & wish I'd gone for it though...

nappyaddict · 20/04/2007 10:48

have you thought about fostering? could help get rid of your broodiness and you would be doing something good too.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 20/04/2007 10:49

my dh is the same.
we have 2, i want 4.
im sure i will be able to work on him in about 2 years time but i dont really want to wait that long and get settled back into a more normal routine then start over again.

choosyfloosy · 20/04/2007 11:19

[hijack - honeyapple you are lovely - if by some chance i get pregnant it will be fine i know! i had the easiest known pregnancy, the most straightforward labour known to woman, and a lovely easy baby/toddler, except for jaundice. I have had it all really straightfoward, except perhaps for dh being horribly ill throughout and not available very much between ds being 10 months and 3 years. lack of sleep makes him ill. if we do it again i have to be up for doing ALL the night work. i feel dreadful on less than 9 hours a night but unfortunately can still function perfectly well. urrgh. end of hijack, sorry]

filthymindedvixen · 20/04/2007 11:24

lumonths - your circs are identical to mine...except for that dh talked me into him having a vasectomy 3 years ago. I did feel at the time it was totally the right decision, but hormones are sneaky and every now and then, a wave of broodiness overwhelms me. There's nothing quite like the feeling of 'it cannot happen' to make those times feel 100 times worse.

When it does happen, I tell myself how impossible it would be when they are older - are financial situationis not likely to improve significantly in the future and things are often tight now. Imagne trying to send 3 on school trips, or university...that usually cures me - until the next time

honeyapple · 21/04/2007 09:48

It's horrible though for the reason to not bring another life into the world whether you will have the money to go on holiday or send them on school trips or buy them what they want etc.. My DP gave me that excuse for a good 2 yrs and I just COULD NOT get my head around it. I have always been in the position of making do, whatever life throws at you... if it means beans on toast for supper and camping holidays in England for the rest of my life then I really DONT care.
(BTW we already do the camping holidays and I LOVE it!!)

Anyway rant over...

(Thanks choosyfloosy- I hope you do have another lovely child at the right time for you.)

filthymindedvixen · 21/04/2007 10:12

agree honeyapple, but what if you are already eating beans on toast and doing camping holidays and still can't make ends meet...

I personally couldn't choose to bring another lfe into the world unless I knew I could support it. Painful though that choice might have been.

powder28 · 21/04/2007 10:29

Lu9months, I feel the same way. I have two boys aged 1 and 2 and would like another, but dh doesnt want anymore. In my head I know that two is probably enough, and both my pregnancies weren't that great, but I just want a bigger family.

3catstoo · 21/04/2007 10:33

I was the same as you 18 months ago. And no that feeling has not gone away, it's just got stronger!

My DH has not really given in but I have bullied him so much that he isn't doing anything to stop, iyswim. He's not keen on having another (it would be our 4th) but knows I will NEVER give up!
Unfortunately we have been 'trying' (or rather, not using contraception) for 8 months now. Just started fertility tests, which seems bizarre as I fell pg straight away 4 times (1 mc, 1 ds 2 dds).
DH can't believe his luck!

The way I see it is that if he REALLY didn't want another he WOULD do something about it. Of course I would have something to say about it if he tried!!!

The weird thing is that I was happy after 2 but he wanted a third! I gave in to his wishes after a year.

We have a small house. Got a bigger car after number 3 was born (but some smaller cars do fit 3 car seats in, just not the car we had). DH is 38 and I'm 32 (but with a family history of early menopause and have a prolapsed womb since having number 3, so have to have a hysterectomy after another baby, if it ever happens).

I wish you well in your attempts to persuade your DH. I can fully sympathise with your situation.

chocolattegirl · 21/04/2007 10:54

I've talked about having a baby with my dp when we move into together (I already have one dd) but I want to wait a couple of years first and he wants us to try within the next year/18 months citing my age as a reason - I'm 35. He's also said that we can only have one baby as he doesn't want me old and fat!! Tbh now he's said that we can go for it, I wonder if I really do want another baby now my dd is growing up or if I should concentrate on her. Is it a case of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence?

powder28 · 21/04/2007 10:56

Thing is a few months ago it was dh wanting another one and me saying no way!

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