Choose TTC or new job? Could really do with advice :(

[webster144]

Hi everyone,

I’ve post quite a few times on here my journey, I found out I was pregnant in September and had a miscarriage at 5 weeks shortly after. At first we decided not to try again and instead I threw myself into my current job and applied for a new position that I really wanted...

Since my first period since the miscarriage I haven’t managed to shake this sad lonely feeling and the longing to be pregnant again, it’s been all I’ve thought about and my partner has admitted he would love for us to try again and I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t tried to forget about it...

I’ve now been offered this position starting in January which is a great opportunity, but with that would mean falling pregnant is off the cards as it’s a new position and I wouldn’t want to let down this person (who runs their own company and it is very small) and I wouldn’t be entitled to any sort of leave pay if I did fall pregnant again so soon into the job. My current job is okay, but nothing exciting and the pay is average. This new job is a great opportunity with more money and more of what I want to be doing. My current job would be fine if I announced I was pregnant, but I’m scared I get stuck in a dead end job for the rest of my life.

My partner wants to try again and says he is behind me whatever decision I choose, but I just don’t know what to do. I’m desperate to be pregnant again and have back that feeling and I’m dying for us to start a family.

Note - I’m 25, been with partner for 3 years, engaged for a year, long term steady current job, good income from both of us and we own our own home. We feel this is right for us, pregnancy that turned to miscarriage was semi-planned, we weren’t actively trying but just going with the flow and if it happened then it happened.

Any opinions on what people have done in their life, chosen career over family or vice versa, as I’m at such a cross road in my life and unsure of what road to take. I am about 70% family driven, 30% career....if that makes sense! Prefer the idea of starting a family over choosing my career right now, just so stuck and wouldn’t mind some kind words of advice or experiences on either career or babies.
Thanks so much xx

Owl is right about smp. As long as you don't start a job already pregnant you're entitled to it- so can conceive the following month if you want to.

Deciding when to TTC is often driven by emotions that can be pretty hard to surpress so try as you might you may struggle to bat the regrets away if you do go for the job and delay TTC.

Having said that I think if it were me at 25 I'd take the job, and at 30 or any older I'd TTC. But only you know what feels right for you ultimately- it might be that you need to go with your gut.

I could have written the same post!

We have literally just start TTC. Last week I had a call from a contact asking if I would be interested in a role they have which has just come up. It sounds really great, and I am half heartedly looking for a new job as mine can be super temperamental. I have decided to go for the interview to see what it is about. If I get the job, we will hold off on the TTC front for a couple of months while I settle in. If I don't get it, we will keep TTC.

Decisions, decisions! Good luck with whatever way you decide to go!

Personally I think sometimes in life we can try to plan too much and over think things. When it comes to getting pregnant and having a baby you can’t control the timings/outcome so if I was you I would say yes to the job and yes to the idea of trying again to get pregnant and see what happens. Then in the meantime maybe make saving as much money as you can each month a priority and enjoy the exciting new opportunities in front of you. Good luck xxx

Can you take the job and in 6 months start trying to conceive. That way you'll be in the job over a year when you go on maternity leave. That's assuming you conceive straight away which is probably unlikely. With a little compromise there's no reason you can't have both baby and dream job.

Personally I wouldn't tell your boss about ttc, you might lose your job.

Hi Webster144,

I have been in a similar position, I decided to put off TTC and took on the new job. I've now been there for 3 months and I can't shake the longing for a baby. If anything I feel worse falling pregnant now as I have become part of a very small team and I know they would be under a lot of pressure if I were gone for a period of time.

I say go for it and start trying, another opportunity will arise! Sometimes I wish I had stayed were I was. We've just started TTC now and I am worried about everything - how long it will take, how I will tell my colleagues and how they will react. I don't think these are things you should have to worry about on top of falling pregnant!

I too am a serial worrier!

I'm also 25 so I understand the way you are feeling about employers not expecting me to fall pregnant. I don't think it matters how old you are, when you're ready you just know x

Hi NoPirloNoParty, thanks for your understanding post. I feel I’m in such a predicament, I’m so scared to say yes to this lady and then feel I can’t do what I want to do because she is relying on me.

I really do feel very 50/50!! I feel if I was to fall pregnant and have chosen to stay at my current job, everything would run smoothly, I am a reliable, semi long time employee with a good attendance record and they like me as an employee too, I feel they would be happy for me and accept it and as there is a bigger team of us I wouldn’t be as missed as I would be if I said yes to this new employer, then I say, “surprise! I’m pregnant!” And she’s like ....what?! She doesn’t know me as a person and I’m assuming she is taking me on thinking I am young, reliable and going to work hard along side her for the next few years and I’m almost positive she would be incredibly peeved if I announced a few months into the new job I was expecting!

There’s just so many ifs and buts, I don’t know what to do

I know deep in my heart if I want to have a baby, I have to stay with my current employer to have a easy smooth sailing time and I wouldn’t have a single worry about leave or pay. With this new employer I run lots of risks and especially as we are still TTC it would be a big disaster if I was to fall pregnant then accept the job, I can’t be bothered having to work out what I qualify for and what I don’t!

It’s really nice to hear from people who have or are going through similar things, I just ultimately don’t want to make a choice I regret...x