Abandoned by Father

[Curlylou1]

Morning hoping for some words of wisdom. I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant last week and it’s unplanned. Was in total shock for a couple of days and then decided to tell the dad. He was as shocked as I am and I gave him a few days to absorb. At the weekend he came back and said he didn’t want a baby for personal reasons - driving a business, the affect on his current children and his personal freedom. I unfortunately cannot abort. It doesn’t feel right . We cannot agree a way forward. He thinks it’s a case of taking a pill and getting on with life. I have stood my ground and will continue too. The latest update I am getting is he will be there for the baby, but not me . There has been no compassion and kindness in our brief conversations and I am dealing with a stranger. We had lots of plans going into next year and all of these have been cancelled. I feel like I am being punished for not doing what he wants.? Am feeling alone , scared and confused. We are both in our 40’s . Has anyone experienced this. Any words would be appreciated

That would be one problem with that situation as if you disputed him not paying, they could use a DNA test but then I think that would afford the dad parental responsibility.

Could you speak to a family lawyer and use a free consultation appointment?

Decide what you want. I fear he'll try to keep you sweet until you have an abortion, hold your hand etc, then cut you loose. You'll have no relationship and no baby.

The alternative is take control and finish it with him yourself. Don't discuss anything baby related with him, except for: your body, your choice. I wouldn't tell him anything about your decision. You know he's manipulative and controlling - that's no environment to bring a child into.

If you keep the baby, do it for you - not with the hope of winning him back. It might be lonely, but it's a damn sight more lonely in a terrible relationship where you and your child are punished and resented ❤

Thanks for all your advice going to step out and not make any contact which will be hard, but a lot less stressful not to have to deal with this person. It’s not helping me and I think he needs to come to terms with what’s happened. Have a great Saturday everyone ❤️

It feels like any contact is v stressful and I am happier on the days I am not communicating. Do you think it is ok just to cut him out to minimise stress? Worried about the co parenting relationship if I push him away

Atm you should be thinking about yourself and doing whatever you need to. Don't stress about a possible future relationship when there may not be one.

Merry Christmas everyone I wanted to add to this thread as things have changed for the better and for anyone experiencing anything similar to perhaps gain an understanding or draw from this. It’s 5 weeks 4 weeks of total hell and suddenly there has been a turnaround. We haven’t seen each other at all. I cancelled on him as felt pressurised. Strangely he seems to have come to terms with it. From total rejection first the baby and then me. He told his teenage girls their reaction was the opposite of his. I learned these blokes get scared, they run away, lash out and can’t handle the lack of control. Even the good ones. I don’t know if we will make it as a couple am still fuming, but it’s gone from horrific to positive overnight. So glad I stood my ground. Follow your heart, have faith in your own abilities and don’t be pushed into anything xxxx

Just wanted to wish you luck and a merry Christmas. If I was you I’d leave him off the birth certificate. Not to be awful to him but once a man is controlling he will use the baby as a way of getting to you. He can’t apply for custody of a baby that he says he doesn’t want! You would be 100% fine on your own. If he wanted contact in the future then great, but only if it is positive for all involved. I hope everything works out and he stops being an ass hole difficult. Good luck for the future and may the new year bring a resolution for you xxx