Telling people

[MrsKQ]

Have you/did you told/tell people you are TTC or is it strange? I’m not sure what people’s opinions are on it so just interested to know!

A women at my work and I have suddenly become very friendly in the last few weeks. She has three kids, was taking about them... We were talking about family etc... and she'd skirted around the issue a few times, and she said something like 'does your husband not want any?' I didn't really know what to say. I wanted to shut it down but not in an unpleasant way. I find it difficult to talk about. So I said (after significant pause), ' I can't.' She was mortified. I cried. It was awful. She said something like, 'Oh I'm sorry I didn't know.'

Now, I don't know for sure that I can't, but it's nearly two years... I'm on clomid. I know it's looking less likely that it will ever happen. Not sure if I will ever be ready for anything else... but this whole ttc is ruining me now, mentally. It's ruined our sex life too.

I never told anyone we were trying to conceive. It's really rank and it puts pressure on.

I went to a wedding nearly 5 years ago and the bride was telling everyone they had started trying. Sadly they haven't been lucky yet.

No we haven't told anyone, tbh neither of us has ever been vocal about wanting children (it never entered my head but then my hormones took over!). I don't think any of our friends expect us to have kids because of this. However we have been ttc for almost a year. I had an early miscarriage at the start of the year but kept it to ourselves (I was upset and didn't want to be asked lots of questions). I had to tell my mum for other reasons, she was stunned and thought it must have been an accident . She was great though and hasn't asked me anything since. I have friends who have made it known they are ttc and I did confide in my best friend as she is struggling too. We don't talk about it often but can if we want to. Iam now 7weeks pg but again we are staying tight lipped until we've had a scan etc. I think it's all a very private experience and I don't want to share with anyone yet. I work with the public and will only tell people when I absolutely have to. We plan to tell our families around xmas/new year if all is still ok. Good luck to all those trying x

No and tbh im put off even telling family im pregnant. Im trying for no.5 and you know the drill “dont you go having any more” “omg again???” “Isnt 4 enough?” “Are you mad!”
Why do people think they have the right to tell you how many children you can have and whats best for you

Oh i just saw skate’s post. Im sorry i must sound smug there . I can understand sortof... my sister has ttc for over 8 years and no luck. Her husband how low sperm count and she has a sticky blood condition which has caused her to lose many babies. Its tested her marriage too at times but somehow they get through it ok.

Honey it’s ok. You don’t sound smug, just that you don’t know what infertility/ struggling to conceive is like... but why should you?? It’s a bit like how I have no idea what pregnancy and parenthood is like... why should I?

I do hope you are sensitive to your sister. Has she withdrawn from you at all?? It’s my self preservation mechanism...

Yes i do try my best, shes been great tbf but she tends to bottle things up. She has 3 kids of her own its just since her mid 20s her body started to go wrong. Shes had stage 3c breast cancer (now in remission) which has messed her hormones up. She needs regular blood thinners and has to wait til january to try again (so the effects of chemo/radiotherapy have worn off completely). She has thyroid issues too. Shes certainly had her down moments, for example; i have fallen preg really quickly with my lot im so lucky. So when i fell with my youngest she lost her cool and screamed at me, And broke down. She needed a few days apart from me but its not affected our relationship as a whole. I offered to be her surrogate or egg donor if it ever god forbid came to that. Dont get me wrong shes thankful for what she has but i see the pain in her face sometimes. At first when she was diagnosed, she was told it can never happen again cos of the chemo but since her remission the docs changed their tune about it. I want it to happen for her so much. Most of my family have the ‘you have 3 kids maybe you should just be content with those you have’ attitude but she knows she can talk to me freely about it. Maybe thats what has kept us close i dunno.