I'm unbelievably broody, but am I too young?!

[LVB22]

Hi guys,

I’m 22 and I’ve been married for a year. I have no kids yet, but I’m so unbelievably broody. My husband is almost as broody as me, but like everyone else, thinks now is a bit too soon. What do you guys think?!

Another worry is childcare, both me and my husband have good stable jobs and I’m just at the beginning of my career. All I hear people with babies say is how expensive it is and how it’s pointless working just to spend a full wage on childcare. I wouldn’t want to leave my job but I also don’t want to work to put my baby in a nursery for 8 hours a day. What do other working mums do? I don’t live near any family members.

TIA

XX

Sounds like you're in a good position to have kids but if your husband wants to wait then wait you must.
When you have them would you be able to go part time? I work 3 days now. I'll go back to 5 when they start school but start early and finish late so I can do pick ups. It works well for us, I continue with my career but have more time with my babies than not.

• start early and finish early

Thank you and I agree. I will always wait until he’s ready, but I think if I really wanted one now he would be okay with it too.

I might be able to go part time but I’ve not been at my job too long and it might slow me down for a promotion, so I have that to worry about too. I like the idea of part time, for more time with your kids :)

Lvb- you’ve hit the nail on the head. Many many women have this conflict and many wait until they are established in their careers/ have gone through promotion before they have babies.

Feminism is a myth. We don’t have the physical ability to wait forever like men do... we remain the primary caregivers and thus have to balance work, childcare and our marriages as well as friendships. I’m just exhausted thinking about it.

Ask your dh about going part time if you don’t want to. It’s a balance. Weigh it up.

Wait a few years if you’re only just starting your career. Honestly it’s the best thing you could do since you’re still so young. You also might qualify for a better maternity benefit. (If you’ve not been working for them long you might not qualify at the moment) and it might give you a little time to save some money, travel a bit with your new husband and then start a family with a little more of your career behind you. Sounds like you have your head on your shoulders, enjoy life and your newlywed status!! 😊😘

Wow great advice guys thanks for that. Will take it all on board and speak to my husband :) thanks so much!

Hi LVB22, I was in your predicament a few years ago. I started out in my career when I was 19, I met my now husband then too. We moved in together when I was 21 and we got married earlier this year. I'm 27 now, have travelled a lot with my husband, built an impressive career and now I'm ready to have kids.

I do wish that I had started trying last year, because now that I'm
Ready I wish I had kids a few years ago.

My advice would be to either have kids at the beginning of your career or once you've built it a decent amount.

Either way you will have a few regrets but I'm
Sure you'll choose a path best for you now.

Hi somePpl, thanks for your advice I really appreciate it. And I hope everything works out for you guys too :)

Afraid I wouldn't be able to give sensible advice to your predicament, but I'm in the same boat! 23y/o, want to start a family, bf is a bit uncertain on it at the moment, having crazy symptom spotting right now because I thought I might be pregnant but now I'm not convinced. It's torture! I'm in a steady job, good pay, but I make the most in the household so when I go off on mat leave we'll have a huge drop in income. My "ideal world" plan is to set up a business while on mat leave and if it works out well then it will work well for working around a baby, but if not we may end up a fair way up the creek! I hope you get enough info and advice from the other friendly voices on here and are sure in your decision whichever way you choose to go about this, it's always best to be certain in your decision: you don't want to have a baby half-cocked, but at the same time you don't want to wait for ever for the sake of "choosing the right moment", because it will almost never be the perfect time. Good luck! X

Do it! Then you'll have the rest of your life to focus on your career

I had DS at 21 and found that it hasnt impacted at all on my career prospects. I see women my age (late 30s) at work who are seen as bright young things (young is a relative term, I guess) who start their families and then stagnate because they go back to work part time, or have huge childcare cost burdens, and it makes me glad I had DS when I did.

Now he's 17 and in his last year at school, DH and I have much more time to ourselves and have the money to enjoy our time together, which childcare would have eaten into. I liked being a young mum, but actually DS was an accident after a contraceptive failure. We wanted more but after multiple miscarriages we resigned ourselves to the fact that biology was against us.

As someone with no family near to do free childcare our choice was to either pay full time childcare (£54 a day here), or one of us to go part-time. Earlier on in our careers going part-time was not financially an option as did not earn enough to cover childcare costs and travel to work. Further on in our careers part time works as there's is a surplus after childcare.

If you and your husband both want a baby, then considering you seem financially stable and have your own home, etc, I'm sure it would be practically possible. If DH isn't ready yet though, I would wait until he is onboard too.

I am a teacher and felt settled in my career and worried about money but the best thing for us was for me to return to work part time. However, we are blessed because we leave our son with relatives on days that we both work so we don't have to put him in all day childcare. Money is a worry when starting a family, absolutely, but I would say don't let it put you off because where there's a will there's a way.

Thanks everyone, really good replies that are making me feel better :) glad I’m not the only one in this situation. Xx

I don’t have any advice but I’m 22 too (23 in a few weeks!) and me and my boyfriend have just started TTC. I’ve been with the same company for 5 years so even though I’m young, I feel like I’ve already established my career and my boyfriend has his own business at home so it’s an ideal situation really.

I’ve wanted a baby for years so it feels so exciting and surreal and terrifying to finally go for it.

I don’t think 22 is too young. You’re an adult at the end of the day!