Need advice ! Wanting to try for a baby!

[Niclou98]

Hi, I'm 19, will be 20 in january and I have been with my partner for 3 years, were engaged , currently living together and we are madly in love! Obviously have our ups and downs like every couple but always stick together!
My partner is 25 next month and since we got together he's always wanted to try for a baby but he knew from the beginning I wasn't ready, felt too young and wanted to get through college and start up my career!
Iv finished my 3 years of hairdressing and have been working in a salon since Feb, building up my clientele! My partner recently lost his job due to a accident in the work van so is currently job searching !
We do okay financially , we have 2 cats and a gecko, but my best friend had a baby 6 months ago and I'm completely and utterly broody and I can't stop thinking about me and my partner having our own baby! I have 3 young siblings so I 100% know how hard it can be raising a child but all the pros too!
Iv been on the depo injection for over a year and have been on various contraception non stop since the age of 16, my depo injection ran out last week and I don't want to carry on with the depo as iv done so much research and have learnt it can take 6-18months for periods to return or even conceive , I feel by then I would be in a better place with my job and my mum would be happy as she would be in her 40s by then! (Her request to be 40 before she's a gran!) 😂
Anyone have any advice on my whole situation , and whether I should stay off contraception all together till my periods return so I can track them or should I carry on with contraception till next year?!?

Any advice guys?!
I went to my doctor and she has put me on the pill until I'm ready to start a family, she said periods should return to normal as soon as I stop the pill but could take 3 months to have regular bleeding on my week off the pill !

Without trying to be harsh, to me you and your partner don't sound quite ready.

Your partner being out of work wouldn't make me feel secure. If you were to have a baby and go on maternity leave, money will be incredibly tight. Then you have to factor in going back to work after mat leave and think about childcare options. Nursery/ childminder fees are expensive (around £45-70 a day). Money is a stressor you really don't want to have with a new baby.

Do you both have the support of your families? As although many people get by without support, it was really vital to me in the early days with baby. I lived far away from family but they traveled to me to help out occasionally.

You sound like you both really want this, but you are so young. There is no reason to rush things. Having had a baby, I have aged more in the passed year than ever! (Sleepless nights, cluster breastfeeding, demanding baby, pressure to get out and join every mum/baby class, all squeezed into a small house was tough)

Being a young mum of 26 myself i sometimes feel judged for having a baby young as all the other mums are 30+)

I totally agree with the financial issue, my partner is applying for jobs everyday , because he's out of work iv noticed he's becoming depressed and it hurts to see him like this , he always talks about us having our own baby but I wouldn't want to get pregnant while he's not working as he can earn a much higher wage than me because of his age and he usually goes for labouring jobs. My mum and dad only live 30 mins away but they have 3 other children aged 2-6 years old. They struggled conceiving for years so had ivf with the 6 year old and other two came naturally! My partners mum passed away suddenly 2 years ago and she was a big part of his life and his dad has a lifetime condition which makes him bed bound most days.. my mum had me aged 19 years old but it didn't work out with my biological father and iv never met him, wouldn't want the same to happen with my child even though I know my partner would never be a "dead beat" dad

My mum made a joke a few months ago asking me to wait till she's atleast in her 40s to be a grandma ! 😂 she's 40 next year by the way! It's the whole situation where it could take me over a year to conceive because iv just come off the depo injection and now I'm on the pill. I'm not like most people my age, I don't go out drinking , it's a rare occasion if I do, I don't go on holidays, I only have a few friends , I mainly work and spend time at home with my partner and see my parents and siblings 2 times a week, all iv ever wanted is my own family. I feel like a 30 year old trapped in a 19 year olds body! Lol

At 19 you are far too young to be planning a baby. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Enjoy being free to do whatever you want, go on holidays etc.

Having siblings doesn't mean you have an idea about being a parent. I was a trained nursery nurse and nothing could of prepared me for having a baby of my own.

I had my first at 25 and looking back I was too young there are so many things I wish I had done before having children.

Let you partner get settled in a new job, start saving for maternity leave and baby things which are very pricey and then look at it again in a few years time.

Also you have no idea if someone will be a crap dad until they are actually one!

I'm struggling to see why it's too young though, maybe Iv got wool over my eyes but my best friend had a baby 6 months ago and she's the best mum! She never complains about anything , she still gets to go out every month or so as her partner will look after the baby for the day/night, and with my mum having me at 19 , she said she regrets nothing, it wasn't easy as she was a single mum throughout pregnancy but everything turned out great in the end.. I think everyone is different and some people arnt as maternal as others, I think it upsets my partner when he sees his friends , cousins and just people his age in general with kids, usually more than one aswell!

I think I'm going to stay on the pill until I feel it's the "right" time, when my partner is in a more secured job, iv built more clients at work myself and atleast get a few holidays !

You don't sound like you have a very active social life? (I don't go out drinking , it's a rare occasion if I do, I don't go on holidays, I only have a few friends , I mainly work ).

I'm not suggesting you start going out drinking all the time, but having friends you can see regularly are very important. As are holidays - you won't be getting many of those once the baby comes. I don't think you'd regret waiting. If you want to be a 'young mum', you can still hold fire for five years.

OP I had my first at 25, nearly 26. Now trying for our second and I am 28.

I have been married for 6 years.

I went to university and was in a secure, permanent job when I got pregnant.

To be honest, I don't think there are any black and white rules to when you choose to have a baby. We got engaged at 19 and married at 21, and people told us we were stupid. Here we are 6 years later, hoping to expand our family. When you know it's right, you just know.

We were married for 4 years before we had our first, and were at a point where it felt like the right next step. Your posts seem to stem from seeing your friend having a baby and saying she never moans. I'll tell you now, she's just not telling you the hard bits. Don't base your desire to have a child on your idealistic view of your friend. Having a baby is the hardest thing you could ever do. You should also make sure that your partner is not only in a secure job, but also in the right place emotionally and is mature enough to handle the responsibility of becoming a parent.

Please just enjoy your newly established career for a while, and don't base your broodiness on your friend who you don't see 24/7 - therefore you don't see the whole picture of life with a baby. And definitely do some good holidays before you have kids!! You're only 19, don't commit to parenthood whilst you've got so much freedom still!

Your right I don't have a social life at all really 😩 I don't get on with girls my age as I find them to be attention seeking and arnt really true friends, hence why I only stick to seeing 2 friends. Not sure if it's the same for everywhere but the area where I live, it's very common for 16 year olds-22 year olds to be having children, I know a few people my age with 2 children already! Teen pregnancy is definitely not a shock around here!

I don't think there's ever a right time to have a baby. Sure, there's wrong times - and I agree that it's best that your partner finds a decent job that he can hold down so that you are financially secure before you start even trying, but I wouldn't say 19 is "too young". I dare say some 19 year olds cope better than some 30+ year olds, at the end of the day if you are doing your best to be a great parent that's all you can do, but being in a good situation with money is obviously going to help.