It took me months to persuade DH to agree to a second, and now...well I'm not sure. It was always the plan to only have one (or at least, I sometimes thought about wanting to wait until the first was about 7-10 to try for a second, which DH was firmly against - I wanted to only have one small child to deal with at a time), but I started getting really sad when our son got to about one year old. Now that he's two, DH says if we must have 2, then it's now or never, so with a sense of panic at this closing window of time I agreed and have never voiced my doubts to him. The time has come to TTC, and DH has again reminded me that we don't need to do this and am I not sure...
At first I thought I wouldn't cope, but after thinking about it carefully and now our two year old is in nursery, I'm reasonably confident now, so it's other things I worry about.
We have finally found a beautiful flat to rent that we want to stay in long term, and it's perfect for us, but it only has two bedrooms. What if I have a girl? What if it feels crowded?
What if another baby stretches the finances too thin? My calculations show that money would only be a little tighter, and we are not well off, but is it wrong of me to inflict that on our first child? I mean, he wouldn't know any better, but would I feel guilty if we can't go on holidays? Then again, having a second child is a major life event that I wouldn't get to experience if I decide not to go ahead with this....
Finally...I chose to put off my career a few years to have our first child, and I'll be extending that time if I have a second. I have no worries really that I'll be able to get back on the horse, and this is preferable (in my eyes) than taking a career break...but I still feel guilty that I'm working in a supermarket after going to university.
Aaah...reading over this I can see my worries are not really make or break...just worries....but I'm starting to panic. Is this normal? Is anyone else going through this?