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Original poster

Useless men

13 replies

Armpitwarmers · 01/04/2007 17:44

Really really peed off with DH and starting to question if I should stay with him. We're about to start TTC yet he refuses to discuss any of the finer issues about it with me, eg who will look after DC, how will we cope financially when I'm on maternity leave etc etc. He just brushes me away and says we'll work it out. It's not just that. I do pretty much everything around the house and he does nothing (although he is a dr so in addition to long working hours he is also studying towards a tough exam). And, sorry if this is TMI, but he always decides when we have sex - if I want it and he is tired then he says so and it's too bad; however, if he wants it and I'm tired then I'm expected to agree otherwise it leads to a huge row as he claims I'm insulting him!! There are numerous other issues as well. I do really love him and want children with him but he is driving me mad. Sorry to rant but is anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
honeyapple · 01/04/2007 17:51

Hi-
You seriously need to think if TTC is the right thing for you to be about to do. Sorry, but you dont sound like you are at the right place to be TTC.

I hope you sort things out with DP.

luxlife · 01/04/2007 17:54

it sounds more like a post for relationships too... your problem is not so much TTC but your relationship.

agreed with honeyapple, it doesnt sound ok ttc for you two at the moment.

hunkermunker · 01/04/2007 17:57

Please don't have children with this man. Not yet anyway.

BizzyDint · 01/04/2007 17:59

so what do you love about him then? he sounds like an arse.

hunkermunker · 01/04/2007 18:00

If he's forcing you to have sex that's a MASSIVE issue, IMO.

Original poster
Armpitwarmers · 01/04/2007 18:09

Sorry, yes, I may be in the wrong section although it does have an impact on timing TTC and whether or not he is ready. Is it normal to not talk about all the practicalities about having kids and for men to do so little? He really wants kids but I'm sure it's because he thinks I will do everything. BTW, he is not so much forcing me to have sex, it's more than I give in as I can't face the argument. We got married last September after 6 years together and starting to think I've made a terrible mistake in which case I should get myself back on the pill asap.

OP posts:
honeyapple · 01/04/2007 18:11

Poor you!
Having a baby really isnt going to make this situation any better.

hunkermunker · 01/04/2007 18:11

No, it's not normal - none of what you've written is a snapshot of a normal happy relationship

Emskilou · 01/04/2007 18:14

Sorry things are so great for you imo you should get back on the pill until you sort out your relationship and he is fully aware of what is involved in being a parent, being a lone parent isnt easy and from what you have said that is what you will be whether you stay together or not if you have a child.

Original poster
Armpitwarmers · 01/04/2007 18:17

you're right, but I'm not ready to face it. The worse thing is so many friends told me so when I married him and I didn't listen. We've tried Relate before, on his instigation, then things got better when we got married but now they're reverting to how there were. Sounds silly but I do want kids with him, even if we were to split up, as he's the only person I've met that I've wanted to have kids with. Is that ridiculous?

OP posts:
honeyapple · 01/04/2007 18:26

Just because you've never been with anybody else that you wanted to have kids with, doesnt really mean that this is the right guy.

Emskilou · 01/04/2007 18:30

I agree with honeyapple, he doesn't seem to respect you, your wishes, your needs or anything really, I am only going on what you have said obviously

Impatience · 01/04/2007 20:46

Armpitwarmers, having children puts SERIOUS strains on even the best relationship. Things that you find difficult now will become enormous problems when you are very tired, busy and stressed. Please get back on that pill at least till you're absolutely certain you want to have kids with him. Swallow your pride and talk to the friends who voiced their concern before your wedding. I'd bet they'd be so relieved to be able to talk with you about it again. If you decide to leave him, or even just not to have kids with him, you may have rescued yourself just in time: Don't chain yourself into 20 childraising years of misery.

There are many people out there. It's hard to find someone better when you're not allowed to look! Be brave x

(and if you decide after serious rethinking that he is right, then you'll have been extremely sensible in having made sure)

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