Getting Pregnant when you're not 100% you're ready

[user1496383752]

I'm looking for some advice, me and my DP don't have children yet but we have been talking about it I feel so ready to be a Mum But he's not quite there yet. Last weekend we almost made the decision to start trying but as soon as he'd done it he started freaking out and so did I and we ended up getting the morning after pill, only thing is we've had this fail on us before and I ended up having an abortion, that is something that I still find it hard to come to terms with even though I know it was the best decision at the time as we were both students and had only been dating 3 weeks when it happened we kept it a secret from everyone so I have been carrying it around with me for 4 years and that is tough. Things are very different now we own a house and are getting married later this year, we had made plans to have children quite soon but most likely a year after the wedding. We're still not sure weather we are ready though we are 26 and still have a few things we want to do as young adults, I keep yo-yoing on the idea of becoming a parent and I'm not sure if my desperation is because of the child we didn't have, At the same time I can't stop thinking how much I want it and I know I will be disappointed if I am not pregnant we have agreed to go ahead if I am but it would be an unplanned pregnancy. We have also been fighting a lot lately and I'm not sure it is the best environment to bring a child in to right now. Does anyone have any advice about starting a family and did anyone else have doubts and struggles when they were first thinking about it. Any advice would be great (also sorry for the long post I've been keeping a lot of this in for a long time)

If your yo-yoing then your not ready and if your partner is not ready then you should wait.

There really isn't a 'right time' - there will always be something that will com e along to make you think we'll wait till after the new house /new job/got more money etc etc. You say you've been arguing a lot though. That needs some attention though. Best of luck

My dh put kids on the back burner for a year when I was 31 and we'd been married for a year. He wanted us to buy a house first (we'd been looking). Ok.

Took about another year to find, buy, settle in. Ok.

Then he was scared. Ok.

Then we started ttc. 18 months later and we still aren't pregnant. I remember having butterflies when we first started. Now it's a bit clinical...

There is never a right time, but get those things you want to do without kids first. Let him know it's an average of 6 months to get pregnant and the pregnancy that resulted in abortion is actually quite rare in how it was a fluke failure of map.

Once pregnant (which can take awhile for some), you than have the gestational period to get used to the idea.... it's a marathon, not a sprint.

Set some goals. Accomplish them. You've got time.

I don't think there will be a 100% right time...I think you adjust as the pregnancy progresses. DH only said to me recently he wasn't 100 percent ready for our 2nd (7 years ago!) I was shocked but he never said anything he just wanted a sibling for our eldest and knew that money and situations may never be ideal so he ran with it, doesn't regret at all. We do talk about what ifs if we had our children later... There's lots of things we haven't done as a couple... Traveling, many holidays , etc... We had our first at 28 but we were studying and starting a failed business so no time for us... We adore our family and make new experiences together. My brother in law started ttc 8 years ago at about 33 but still no luck.... I then count my blessings we started a bit earlier.... Follow your gut instinct and talk to your partner...I remember talking a lot before going for it. X

A situation where your DP is panicking and not ready and you are fighting a lot is not the situation to be TTC, imo.

I would put ttc on hold completely and focus on getting on the same page and making sure this is the relationship you really want to be in before you either get pregnant or say vows. Are you doing any premarital counselling? If not I would advise it.

If you're getting married so soon I would definitely wait for that too. Far too often on here a couple break up and the mum gave up work and has no claim to the house because they didn't marry and just went straight in with kids.

Now, in terms of the yo yo ing, I would hold back til he is definitely sure. We have sort of yo yoed lately, buts it's 'do I wait til I get a promotion or not' and it's on my part not DH's. My DH was very 'at some point' for a long time, but as soon as we got married he switched and had been wanting to TTC ever since. I can empathise with regards to the abortion. Similar boat here (we had been together over a year though) and I've had a yearning ever since then.

Supposedly babies put massive strain on relationships, so I think you should both be 100% on the same page before you try. Imagine if it happens and he says he isn't ready again? It could be devastating

Hi I'm new to this. I have three children one of which is currently 6months old and I just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant! Shock is not the word I don't know what to do? I don't want to be judged by people and I'm not sure how to feel