Ranting!!! Need advice!

[babylovexo]

Hi everyone I'm in major need of some advice here.
A few of you may remember me... last month I had a 54CD!!! I also had a few faint positives too Then what I thought was AF decided to show her ugly face however it turned out to be a CP the reason I know is because I passed a clot around the size of a 5p which has never happened and the cramping was shite too! (Sorry if TMI)

Now this is where the ranting comes in!
Me and OH decided that now was as good a time as any to start trying properly both agreed that a little person would be great we own our own property both have good jobs and are financially stable so thought why not it's about time we started a family
So OV came and I thought right let's make it a special night and take the opportunity to at least try. And I went all out 😂😂 cooked a nice meal candle light etc etc
Decided to DTD.... HOWEVER... when it got to the point of 'business' shall we say OH decided to reach into his drawer and pull out a condom. I say well aren't we meant to be trying.... his reply.... "nah I've decided I don't really want a kid now" LIVID!! And he's not a child either although acts like one he's bloody 27!! No word to me before hand... nothing. And now he's pretty set in his ways with regards to not wanting a child. I on the other hand have only ever dreamt of having a baby and now I kind of feel a little bit down about it all. He's so laid back that I'm not sure when he's ever going to want a child!!!

Ranting over!!! If anyone else would like a rant then go for it, it's good for us ladies to get this stress out of our system!! 😂😂

You need to talk to him about this. I would probably be giving him an ultimatum. That's not fair that he just changed his mind and didn't talk to you.

Of course I am not saying he shouldn't have a say in when (if) you start ttc, but this whole process requires open dialogue. We've had conversations I never would have imagined, cycles, ov, all the dirty details. If he isn't even willing to tell you he's changed his mind, that would be a HUGE alarm bell to me!!

While you're opening the option of a rant, I'm in a super cranky mood today. One of those ones where you want to be left alone & wear a "approach with caution" sign around your neck. I don't know why but I just have no patience at all today. DH will pretty much hate being around me tonight when he gets home. Cycle 10 of TTC & NOTHING, now I'm pissed off about it all & frankly had enough. 😞😡

In reply to your post OP, chat to your DP, seems strange to suddenly change his mind like that & if this is a dream of yours maybe he will change his mind again.

Sorry OP. How old is he? How did he feel about the previous pregnancy? Might he be nervous?!

TTC shouldn't push you apart. It should push you together. After a year of dedicated TTC and several more of off and on trying (never due to me and DH unfortunately) we are closer than ever. If you start blaming each other it's never going to be easy. Get on the same page. It takes two to tango! Good luck.

@physicskate it has rung huge alarm bells I can't get my head round it and I've tried talking to
Him and coming to terms with him and he just says it's because he's not ready for a child yet even though he's getting closer to thirty I've always said to him that a lot of guys his age have already settled down and had a child and he says well that doesn't mean I have to be like the others... very annoying as I would rather children sooner rather than later incase there are any complications etc

@EastDulwichWife he's 27 so not that young he's a grown man!! But seems to still think he's a child! The thing that makes me think is that none of his friends have settled down properly yet they're just moving out of their parents and it's almost like he's ashamed to settle down first? He's a bit of a "sheep" shall we say has to follow once everyone else has started doing it. He had a bit of an up and down with it didn't believe I was first but then we got a good positive allbeit faint but it was there and he still didn't believe it then he came to terms with it and was excited however when AF came he said well that's a bit of a relief isn't it and I was so down about it! I'm just so confused about it all!

@MouseLove thank you Hun yes it does indeed, we just both seem to be in a separate book at the moment we can't even seem to meet in the middle with it he's down the pub at the moment but will be sitting him down when he's home later and getting to the bottom of it! As I don't want it to push us away but at the same time if he doesn't think he's ready to settle down whereas I do then I don't know 😔 But thank you Hun

@babylivexo I 100% understand where you are coming from. OH and I are both in our early 30's we have been together for 7 years and bought a house together two years ago. I always talked about having children before we moved in and he 'seemed' to be on the same page. Came of my pill June 2016 ready to TTC and he turns to me and say... 'i'm not if sure I want kids!'

Well as you can imagen I was not a happy bunny and said I need to know what you want.... Gave him a few months to think it over... Had the same response... Again gave him a few months.... Same response. So last month (a year since he first told me he didn't want any) I really put my foot down. It wasn't easy as I obviously love him very much. But I knew that if we didn't have one (and time is ticking) I would grow to resent him.... But if I made him have one then he may grow to resent me to I was very frank and told him I am having a baby.... I love you and want one with you.... But if you don't want one then that is ok as it's your life to, but I have to go and live mine as well. Left the conversation with him to think about and BAM he has now decided he is ready. This is our first month TTC. he is still a little nervous.... He is just scared that life is going to change... And to be honest I'm a little scared to.... But more excited. And he is really coming round to the idea now. I told him it probably won't happen straight away and I'm trying to keep it fun... So not going to tell him when I ovulate for the first few months.

I would say just sit down with him, have a chat and put all your cards on the table... If a baby is what you really want then you need to think about you as you may grow to resent him one day for not letting that be part of your life! I didn't think my OH would ever come around and I really was thinking of a back up plan if I had to leave. I think he knew I ment it when I said I would go if we wanted different things. But again make sure it is what he wants as well otherwise like I said, he could grow to resent you for making him have one. It's a difficult place to be in and now I know how lost you are feeling!!

Good luck and I hope it works out the way you want it to!

@babylove I'm sorry, it sounds rubbish. For a while I was the one not wanting a baby whilst my husband was super keen. In the end I realised it was a make or break situation but luckily I came around before he pushed me into making a decision as I might well have said no and I'm really glad we are still together and TTC.

I would address his awful communication, but maybe just give him a little time to get used to the idea before making any rash decisions, it's all happened quite quickly after all...

I hope this isn't an insensitive question, and I'm so sorry for your lost pregnancy, but by 50 odd days is that not more than a chemical? Should you get checked over? Iliterally don't know the answer, just want you to be ok x
Lots of love and hugs xxx

@babylovexo how old are you if you don't mind me asking?

@Beckypea ah it's so nice to know that someone has been through the same thing!! I'm going to sit down with him and just be honest with him and tell him again even though he knows how I feel already but it's good to talk it through I just felt so stressed out about it earlier I needed to just rant on here! Haha!

@AlexsMum89 thank you Hun for the advice I did have a strop about it and we didn't DTD in the end as I was so pissed off 😂 But yes I'm going to talk to him properly about it and just be calm with him as it seems to be the best way to get through to him... with regards to the CP I had I didn't ovulate until really late CD23 so by the time AF was due it CD31 it never turned up left it a couple of days and tested on CD34 and got a light positive then again on CD38, CD40, CD44, CD 50 all were light positives and I mean really faint positives but enough for me and partner to see, went to the docs to talk to them where they did a test and it came back neg, and sent me for bloods to test other things and said it could be possible PCOS however AF which was a CP came on CD54 the day after I went to the docs. They're still insistent on sending me for a scan to look at my ovaries on the 6th sept so hoping everything will be ok. Thank you Hun again xxxxx

@hungryhass I'm 26 x

Thanks - the reason I ask - I'm 30 and have a twin brother. He had his first child at 26 (not planned) and to be honest he has never really been happy since he felt he was too young. It kind of caught him off guard and he at times resents his Mrs. It's his fault for not taking the necessary precautions but hey! I would not have imagined him having a child at 26 but it happened.

I don't think it's fair for your other half to have expressed interest and all of a sudden decided he's not ready yet! But I do think if he is not ready you should not push him. Maybe work towards timescales where you would both be comfortable - if you push him he may not enjoy the whole experience they way a couple should.

He may have said he wanted kids now for "the moment" or maybe when it came to it he panicked!

Don't be too hard on him. I'm sure he will come round and you guys will put a solid plan together.

Good luck and let us know how the talk goes! Xx

@hungryhass thank you for your reply and I completely understand that about your brother. I spoke to OH last night about it and asked him why he said what he did without telling me first and he said he got scared and doesn't want to be the first one in his friend group to have a child and I said well why should it matter whether you're first or last you shouldn't be led by your friends as to how you lead your life, but I understand why you got scared but you should've told me first! He just looked at the floor like a naughty child, I really don't understand it. So I said to him I am happy to wait for him, but we need to meet in the middle somewhere as he needs to think of my needs as much as I am thinking of his otherwise we won't be on the same page and it'll cause arguments as it's my feelings at stake too. He also said that he's scared to try again because of the CP I had, I tried to explain to him that it just didn't want to stick which is why the pregnancy didn't go any further unfortunately but that shouldn't stop us from wanting to try again. Anyway long story short, resolving it is getting there slowly, however, we have decided to meet in the middle somewhere, where or when that is I don't know. But we'll get there I'm sure! However he is very quiet this morning! 🙄🙄🙄 xx