TO GO OR NOT TO GO ...FOR A SECOND CHILD

[eli70]

Hi,

I am sort of settled in my life with my 2.10 DD and my DH. I never thought of wanting another one, but now I am constantly thinking about it, even if the thought of starting up again with broken nights + constant feeding etc. makes me more than scared. On top of that our respective families live far away and I would not be able to get any practical help.
By the way...I am 36 and time is ticking on...
Sorry for bothering you with my dilemmas!!
Any comments or personal experience will be appreciated. Thanks

Hi Eli. What does your DH think? If it is something you are both thinking about then go for it and don't think too much about sleep deprivation, etc. Loads of people do great with more than one child even without their families close by for back up/support. Good luck............

I would say a definate yes. My dd's get on so well and I love watching them together. I like the idea they will hopefully have each other as dh and I grow old and it has given me a much better sense of perspective as I was VERY precious about dd1 in hindsight. The sleepless nights etc don't last for long in the scale of things (thought it feels it at the time). In five years time you will wonder why you questioned it. I love having two, but I always wanted two as well.
Oh and DH is in the RAF and we were overseas when dd2 was born so had no family help either. I had to have a friend look after dd1 when d2 was born who I hadn't really known that long. We now live 3 and a half hours away so still no help there and it has taken time to make and trust new friends here. I was surprised how well we coped, and you will too. I am not special .

Hi eli70 ... you sound like me tbh

DD is 2.10 and we are in the process of trying for number 2 (I will be 35 in November).

For one reason and another our families are unavailable for hands on help too so that has been a point, as has the fact that DH has two older sons.

I have come off the pill, but am off to the docs to get my hormone levels checked to see if I am ovulating and so forth (blah blah blah) ...

Really all I want to say, is that if you are really honestly thinking about it, then go for it - sooner rather than later IMO -'cos you'll end up with another amazing, special, wonderful person in your life (sorry for the sopp!!)

Good luck!

Hi Eli, I'm in a similar situation but further down the line in age terms (I'm 41). DS is 4, we have a lovely settled life and I know that being an only child won't harm DS, but I have thought constantly about having another for about a year. I got pg last May but I had an mc at 12 weeks which really knocked me back and put me off trying for a while, but the constant thoughts of having a second child didn't stay away for long. I agonised and analysed and read up on only children vs having a second, then last week a good friend of mine told me she was pg with her third, and at the same time as feeling over the moon for her I was really really envious and wished it was me. So we're now ttc and although I dread the broken nights too, at least having done it once I know it doesn't last forever! I have no family nearby (plus we're relatively new to the area so haven't built up much of a support system yet) and do wonder how we'll deal with this but figure we'll muddle through somehow! So my advice would be go with your gut instinct. Good luck whatever you decide.