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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

TO GO OR NOT TO GO ...FOR A SECOND CHILD

24 replies

eli70 · 30/03/2007 14:59

Hi,

I am sort of settled in my life with my 2.10 DD and my DH. I never thought of wanting another one, but now I am constantly thinking about it, even if the thought of starting up again with broken nights + constant feeding etc. makes me more than scared. On top of that our respective families live far away and I would not be able to get any practical help.
By the way...I am 36 and time is ticking on...
Sorry for bothering you with my dilemmas!!
Any comments or personal experience will be appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:

LucyJones · 30/03/2007 15:00

If you are constantly thinking about it I would go for it.
My family live far away, as do dh's, but when dd was born my mum came to stay and took ds out a lot.
What does your dh think?

chancery · 30/03/2007 15:03

i wouldnt go for it - i would wait until your body stops its nagging.

i'm not a doctor but my observation is that you crave a child when your first child is between 2 and 5.

if you can resist this urge and return to normality ( relativley) when they go to school - and still want one then i would go for it.

scorpio1 · 30/03/2007 15:03

i personally would have a thousand children if i was allowed...so yes have one!

seriously though.its amazing how well you will cope and how much you remember.it is easier, i promise!as for pratical help, your DD will be at pre-school the term after her 3rd birthday, thats a couple of hours a day,free!

my ds1 didnt sleep through until 18 months,when i was heavy pg.ds2 slept through 5 weeks and was a darling baby.

Mother nature is a strong thing, but only you (and dh) will know.if its driving you potty thinking about it, and there are more + than -, why not?

HTH

Original poster

eli70 · 30/03/2007 15:03

He's as doubtful as I am...

OP posts:

BigCremeEggs · 30/03/2007 15:04

i feel like that too and we dont want to ttc till late next year. my dd is now 2 and a half and im 33 this nov, (if we can financially afford to have another one that ill be try this year instead but waiting for dp to take over his bosses business very soon). the thought of ttc another baby is scary as i rather be caught out

BigCremeEggs · 30/03/2007 15:06

but ive been broody for about a year now and still hanging on...

Mumpbump · 30/03/2007 15:14

I am pg and dreading the first few months, but it is only a short time in the grand scheme of things so I don't think the disruption and hard work is enough of a reason to put me off. I am looking forward to having two children who can run around, play together and who (hopefully) will be friends...

skidaddle · 30/03/2007 15:39

Go for it, imagine your dd giving hugs and kisses to her little baby brother or sister. It will be hard at first but I'm sure you will never look back and regret it. Babies are lovely and we should all have as as many as possible!!

notsogummyanymore · 30/03/2007 15:43

aaaah, do it do it do it! if there aren't any serious reasons not to. I would love another...

kate7 · 30/03/2007 15:52

I have an 8 year old and a sixteen month old, both girls. We were very happy to just have one child for a long time, but then when the eldest got to school age I began to get really broody, which in fact took me completely by suprise! Hence the large age gap, and of course I get lots of insensitive comments about the second one presumably being an accident (cheeky people). I had my first at 35 and second at 41, and was dreading being up all night etc etc again, at my advanced age, ha ha, but in fact it has all been fine. We are all, eldest dd included, delighted at having a baby in the house again, and I am so glad I went with my instincts and had the second one.

Twiglett · 30/03/2007 15:53

you should do it

there is nothing so amazing as watching the child you love so much love a sibling

siblings are fabulous and fun

and you'll have a great gap

I have no family nearby but lots of friends

ucm · 30/03/2007 15:57

I was like this and craved another baby. I definitely think that it's a hormonal thing and completely agree with Chancery to be honest. Yes, your first one will be in reception, but my woes begin with getting them both out of the house on time. By the time we get back home and start to chill, it's time to go out again. It's not easy as I am not an organised person, but hey people have done it for years. If I am really honest, my DD is 9 weeks old now and I didn't realise it would be as hard as this. And I have the terrible 1,2,3's to get through yet. Can you tell that I am about as maternal as a watering can

Cloudhopper · 30/03/2007 16:00

This happened to me, and I had the second. Now she is one, and although I love her dearly, I realise that life is now never going back to what it once was.

dh and I aren't happy, we are just surviving. I could never be this honest in RL if someone asked me, but it is hard.

In retrospect I would leave a bigger age gap, but as you are 36, you might not want to risk that.

On the plus side, I think as the children get older they interact more with each other, which ours haven't done yet.

So - if you can handle a couple of very hard years go for it.

fizzbuzz · 30/03/2007 16:27

I was broody for years and it never went away. Finally got pg and was dreading firt few months, sleepless night etc.

However it has been a singe. Dd is gorgeous and whole family completely infatuated with her. Nowhere near as bad as I remembered it with first dc. In fact it has been great, even though I've had my share of (and still having TBH)sleepless nights.

Dd is an absolute delight. Go for it!

goingfor3 · 30/03/2007 18:47

I'm an only child and as a result did not want my daughter to be the same. Having lots of friends around is not the same. It would be nice to have someone around who had the smae childhood experineces as me. To be honest it bothers me more now than it ever did. If you are capable than have another child.

sunnysideup · 30/03/2007 19:01

eli, if you are constantly thinking about it, then maybe you really do want this? I would agree that it's sensible to give it a bit more time to see if you really do want this life change or whether it's your hormones in control!

As others have said here I know watching your child have, and BE a sibling can be special, I know my mum always loved to see my brother and I interacting even when we were galumphing teenagers.

However to give the other side, we have decided to stick with one for various reasons, and are extremely happy, we feel our ds has blossomed and thrived being a singleton. He misses some things from not having a sibling yes, but he gains too. our life is pretty blissful, we're a complete little family and we LOVE it!

So don't feel it's not an option to stick where you are if you are happy.

Having said that, you do sound as if you are deep down angling for another good luck with the decision...

Chattea · 30/03/2007 19:07

As your daughter gets older you'll find that you alone are not enough for her. She'll want someone to play with/be with and you'll have to have other people's children round a lot to fill that void. If you go for it now there's a good chance they'll be playmates, if you leave it too long the older one will be in a completely different phase of childhood. If you feel as you do it's more than likely you'll have another child so you might as well get on with it!!

mamijacacalys · 30/03/2007 19:12

Go on go on go on (as Mrs Doyle would say!).

FWIW, I had DD last July, DS was 4 in September and started school, so it was lovely to be home on mat leave at this special time for him.

Of course it's hard work having two under 5, especially now I'm back at work, but my DH does his share.

(I'm 36 too and am toying awith having a 3rd...we'll see!)

HTH and good luck

nogoes · 30/03/2007 19:23

Go for it! If you do I don't imagine you would regret it but if you don't you may look back and think about what might have been.

mousiemousie · 30/03/2007 19:25

Don't worry about having an only child...I have one and it is fabulous, there are lots more in dd's class so it is no longer even unusual!

Whatever you choose will work out great I am sure

sunnysideup · 30/03/2007 19:40

Also wanted to add that so far (ds is five soon) I have never found that ds has a void that we have to fill by having oodles of people round; we seem enough for him at home, we play alot together; he goes to school where he gets over 6 hours every day of full on interaction with other kids, and he loves to zone out at home, relax, be with mum and dad, see his extended family, cousins etc; we do sometimes have a friend from school round but not as often as you might think. There isn't time!

Chattea · 30/03/2007 20:13

Sunnysideup - I genuinely admire parents who do full-on playing with their children, I'm a bit lazy in that department and tend to think providing other children is the answer. Hope I didn't offend!

sunnysideup · 30/03/2007 21:37

oh not at all Chatt, just wanted to put accross the point that being a singelton doesn't mean a boring life at home! I just love playing with ds, today we role played the MOST bizarre Star Wars story which was mixed with his newly-learned easter story....totally fascinating following the thoughts of a 4 yr old during play

However it is always something I'm conscious of, giving him good contact with other children, and of course being at school fills this to an extent which is good.

Original poster

eli70 · 31/03/2007 14:05

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts, ideas and experience and for being so honest (!) eg. Cloudhopper.
My problem is that I am too pragmatic, well-organised,fussy and I think too much (as DH says)...I should be more instinctive and let go a bit more.
Bye

OP posts:

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