Can't decide when to start ttc DC2

[WendyWhenWhen]

I know you can't plan these things, but we would ideally go for around a three year age gap between DCs. DD is two next month so if I had the luxury of "picking" a birthday for DC2 it would probably be October next year as it would be just over a 3 year gap and DC2 would also be one of the older children in their school year. Which would mean getting pregnant in January. Starting ttc in January would suit me as we hope to move house soon, and it would be great to have plenty of time in a new home getting settled in and painting etc before having a baby. So in many ways it makes sense to wait until January and start ttc then. It would certainly make a future house move less stressful, plus we have weddings next summer.

However, obviously we have no idea how long it will take to conceive. DD was unplanned and conceived using the withdrawal method, but I don't know if that tells us anything, other than not to use that for contraception in future! DH would happily start ttc now regardless of moving, school years, weddings next summer etc. If I knew it would happen within say six months of ttc I would wait until January. 3 years would be an ideal gap for me, up to 3.5 is kind of the same difference. But if it took longer, I feel like I would regret not starting ttc now. I'm sorry if this seems really silly and self indulgent, I just don't know what to do! If I was lucky enough to get pregnant quickly I would be delighted of course, but I wonder if I'd then regret not waiting until we had moved house and I was in a less stressful situation. Wwyd?

When you say move house, do you rent or own? Having another on the way can impact mortgages. If 3.5 years + as a gap would make you regret not starting now I'd be inclined to start sooner.

Thanks Florence. Buying.

As you said, you're trying to plan the un-plannable. I'd say don't start the 'ideal' month as it is distinctly average to take 6-12 months to fall pregnant, but it could happen first time or it could take years (or quite frankly never happen).

That definitely adds some spanners. Have you sold already? You get asked something along the lines of 'is there anything about your circumstances which may change in the next x amount of time that you know of' and on another forum I've seen mortgage advisors say it's mortgage fraud to say 'no' if you're pregnant. Equally maybe your affordability is so good a second DC wouldn't impact your next house, I can't imagine being able to afford 2 knowing what childcare fees are like.

Our last move took 5.5 months and there were only three in the chain

I spent a lot of time thinking about this yesterday then more or less decided that we should start trying now. I don't reeeeally want to get pregnant for 5/6 months. But if I did get pregnant before then I would obviously be really happy and it would all come together. So it would mean that for the first 5/6 months of ttc I would be pretty relaxed about whether I conceived, as I'd always be thinking that either getting pregnant that month or not getting pregnant that month was equally preferable. Whereas if we wait until when we actively want it to happen I think every month of trying I would be really hoping for a bfp and if it didn't happen, I'd stress myself out thinking "it's going to take ages, why didn't we try sooner?"

So I said all this to DH thinking that he would agree, and he said he really doesn't mind when we try, but that he is convinced it will happen quickly because he's hoping for months of loads of unprotected sex and he's unlucky ! He was quite unhealthy when I got pregnant last time- he was a heavy smoker, and he's now quit and is eating well. He's 30 and I'm 29. I agree with him that based on our previous experience and age, that you would expect us not to have problems ttc, but there are of course absolutely no guarantees. He doesn't mind when we start ttc but he's now saying that if I'd rather conceive in January or the few months after that, to start then, and if it takes longer then it takes longer.

I'm a SAHM, so don't think it will make a huge difference to mortgage, as an aside, I do wonder if you are legally obliged to declare a pregnancy to mortgage company before a 12 week scan? I don't really want to be out of work for ages, so having a child sooner, who will go to school sooner, would mean I could go to work earlier. However, having a baby later, when DD gets her 15 hours would be really helpful. There's no ideal time is there...

So my choices are to risk having a baby sooner at a less convenient time but then have the advantages of a smaller age gap, or try at a more convenient time but risk it taking ages and having a bigger age gap- but then maybe say a 4 year gap would have advantages I hadn't thought of?