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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

How soon is too soon?

11 replies

JennyWren · 16/07/2004 20:04

Hi - I've been lurking here for a bit, but this is my first message. I would like to know what you think about how quickly you think it is reasonable to fall pregnant deliberately after starting a new job.

My DH and I have been together for nearly ten years and married for three, and we are ready to start a family. For various reasons (I was made redundant and then started, and left, a job I hated) I have started a new job that I love. It is the kind of place I would love to go back to part time after my maternity leave, and there is a precedent for that in the office so I think that the company would be OK about that.

If I were to come of the pill now and fall pregnant the first month of trying, I would have been at the company for seven and a half months at the 12 week point, which is the earliest I would want to make the news public, at least at work. That is six weeks after the end of my probationary period finishing (all being well - and it seems to be so far, so I have no real fears about that).

Now on one hand, I feel very strongly that whilst I may be lucky and fall straight away, it could equally take several months or even longer. On the other hand, if I fall pregnant straight away, I haven't been there very long and it feels a bit cheeky to say "I want to work with you for a year and then take a year off and then expect to come back part time...".

If I fell pregnant accidentally, I wouldn't think twice about going ahead and I wouldn't feel guilty at all about work, but somehow deliberately doing this feels strange. Probably because I really like the job and want it to go well. Did anyone else feel this way? My DH is fully supportive of our having a baby - it is a joint decision, after all - but he is concerned for me in case anyone I work with makes me feel bad. Having found a job I love, that I could feasibly go back to part time etc., he doesn't want me to jeopardise my relationship with my colleagues for the sake of waiting for a couple of months.

But I don't want to wait! However, I am well aware the my hormones may be affecting my judgement somewhat! My DH really wants to be supportive of me, especially since I have, against my maternal urges, waited through the process of being made redundant, finding another job, and finding another job because I was so stressed and unhappy there (where even I could see that it wouldn't have been great for me to be pregnant and still in that situation!) that I think he would be reluctant to tell me even if he does think I should wait again.

What do you think? I would really appreciate an outsider's opinion, even if I don't exactly like the answers...

OP posts:

Original poster

JennyWren · 16/07/2004 20:11

Sorry - I hadn't realised I had gone on for so long!

OP posts:

emmatmg · 16/07/2004 20:24

I'd been in a new job for 6 weeks when I fell PG with my first. They were fine about it and were happy to let me go part time if I wanted after my maternity leave.

5 years on I doubt that offer still stands as I didn't take up the offer.

vict17 · 16/07/2004 20:27

I think that amount of time sounds fine Jenny, esp. as when you go on maternity leave (if you do fall pregnant quickly) you'll have been with the company for over a year.

collision · 16/07/2004 21:21

I say stuff what they say at work......it is your body and your decision and your right to have a baby when you want to. As you say you may not fall PG straight away and that could be a prob. OTOH you might and they will have to deal with it. It is nobody elses business and you dont have to say it was planned......just say you are PG and although a little surprised, you are both thrilled.

Get babydancing!!!!!

aloha · 16/07/2004 21:58

Have the baby, for sure! I got pregnant very quickly after starting a new job, worked very successfully for the company and came back part time (in another, different, job - my old job was made redundant while I was on maternity leave, so they could have probably got away without employing me at all if I wasn't useful to them) after maternity leave. I subsequently left when that magazine lost its funding and am now happily freelance. Getting pregnant certainly didn't make my colleagues resent me, or my bosses. And let's face it, your bosses wouldn't dream of not making a decision that benefitted them because of your feelings. The best way to work is to think of yourself as self-employed - ie you work for yourself and your benefit, not your employers. There is very little loyalty downwards and rather too much upwards IME.

Original poster

JennyWren · 16/07/2004 22:59

Wow - thanks for the quick responses. I am so glad that no-one seems to think I am totally out of order (and very glad that they have kept schtum if they do, whatever I said earlier!).

I am so glad I found this site - I haven't discussed it greatly with my friends and family, because I don't want to tempt fate and I don't want to have to fend off a lot of queries and comments, however well-meant, if things don't proceed terribly quickly. My best friend knows, as she is in a similar situation of wanting to start trying and just being sure that the timing is OK, so she is my real-life girly support, plus my mum knows that we are thinking about it sometime soon, but she is inclined to panicking, so I think I'll keep the stress down for both of us there for a while!

OK, so now all we have to do is go for it. Keep calm, don't make a big deal out of it, it is just as much fun practising... You must be able to tell - I'll always find something to stew about!

Thanks again everyone!

OP posts:

Angeliz · 16/07/2004 23:27

I'd been in my job for 5 months when i fell pregnant and they were great.
I didn't stay OR go back but they were willing to do allsorts to accomodate my pregnancy.
Good luck and now you're here, you'll NEVER leave be warned

Kif · 16/07/2004 23:47

I'm on a 'graduate scheme' which involves rotating every year. My manager who had recruited me for my second year invited me for a pre-first day chat. He started saying "so, let's think about the year ahead" and I had to interupt "errr... 5 months... I'm pregnant". They were absolutely lovely about it - even though I missed my first week through being hospitalised with morning sickness, and rarely got in before 10 for the first couple of months also because of sickness. They even re-arranged travel plans as I was uncomfortable going away heavily pregnant.

I think any half-professional organisation wouldn't cause you any trouble.
Just make sure you're eligible for mat pay/leave.

Toothache · 16/07/2004 23:53

I conceived my ds the day after starting a job. It was temporary contract and I didn't feel any loyalty to them. Everyone was great about it.

This time I'm a fulltime employee. I started 21st July 2003 and announced my pregnancy at 10 wks in January 2004. We were planning to wait another 3 mths to ttc but hey ho, baby had other ideas!

I am due in 3 wks and the company have been complete pricks to me..... but that's just the 'boys club' mentality here.

If you want to go for it then...... like everyone has saud.... YOU GO FOR IT.

frogs · 16/07/2004 23:55

Ideally you don't want to do what I once did, and get pg in the month between being offered a new job and starting the job. Even then, tho' it was a v. macho enviroment, they did get over it (didn't have much choice, really).

Apart from that, everything else is fair game IMO. But read the small print regarding maternity leave qualification period with a magnifying glass before throwing away the pills.

Good luck!

twiglett · 17/07/2004 00:43

message withdrawn

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