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Worried about what my mum will say...

7 replies

Nillynally · 09/08/2017 12:41

This seems such a silly problem to have and if I had to advise a friend on this problem I'd tell them to not be so stupid but it's really holding me back.
I'm happily married with no children, been with my husband since I was a teenager, I have a very good job, I own my own house and I'm in my late 20s.
I feel that it's the right time to start a family and my husband agrees, however the thought of what my mum will say is holding me back.
My mum has always made it clear she didn't enjoy motherhood, she felt that it ruined her life and wasn't worth it (gee thanks!) she literally has nothing good to say on the matter. She's keen to remind me as much as possible that I'll hate it, my whole life will change and it's not as good as everyone makes out. She avoids any conversation about it and always tries to put me off.
The thing is, I know she'll be hurtful when I do get pregnant and I'll never be able to tell her if I'm struggling as a new mum or not enjoying pregnancy, she will say 'I told you say' 'get used to it' 'you've made your bed' sort of thing and I'm very sensitive to her comments.
It's ridiculous even as a write it, I'm nearly 30 for gods sake!
Anyone else been in similar situations?
I'm so jealous of pregnant friends who's mothers are over the moon or badger them to get pregnant 😔
Please help!

OP posts:
MacDj · 09/08/2017 12:56

My only advice is to live YOUR life, your mum has lived hers and no-one can dictate what you should or shouldn't do, in regards to telling her you are ttc, I wouldn't, just wait til you BFP and then surprise her with it, she may surprise you :-) xx

MammieBear · 09/08/2017 14:07

Agree with the poster above, you need to live your life not let your mum live through or rule yours, besides grandchildren are different so I'm sure you'll all be fine. Smile

abc12345 · 09/08/2017 14:14

I agree don't mention it until you're pregnant and if she's unsupportive when you make the announcement just say to her that when she talks like that it is hurtful and she either needs to be happy for you or keep her opinions to herself.

She might surprise you and be over the moon. I hope so (because repeatedly telling you that you ruined her life is pretty fucked up!)

GreenTulips · 09/08/2017 14:21

Parenting is hard work - but it's your life and if that's what willl make you both happy go for it! Ignore you mothers comments - you we e a grown up an don't need her approval - she won't change - so change your reaction to her

Mrscropley · 09/08/2017 14:27

My dm was an awful dm. . Reminded I was an accident that ruined her plans etc.
I had dd young and after the initial shock was supportive, decorated /cleaned the house for me but no child care!! She made some effort to be a gm but was judgmental and critical until we both released it wasn't working and we have been nc for 17 years now. . I have had more dc but she has no involvement at all.

Be prepared to go it alone with your dh and if she contributes positively to your lives then great. But don't be afraid to walk away if you have to. .
And don't tell her til you have a bfp. . Why does she kneed to know you will be having lots of sex???

Nillynally · 09/08/2017 18:23

Thank you, I know you're all absolutely right! I need to build some confidence up. She'll probably surprise me, stranger things have happened!

OP posts:
lampert · 09/08/2017 19:43

Sometimes it's hard to break away from the feelings of doing what's important to our parents, but it is your life and not your mum's. You can respect her views and opinions and seek her advice, but you don't have to agree or take the same paths she did. If it's right for you then go for it, and you may find she is much more positive than you think - many women love being a grandparent even more than being a mum! x

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