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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

How i can convince my husband to have a surgery?

9 replies

willad2 · 21/07/2017 04:34

Okay, this is what happening. For almost two years my husband and me have tried to conceive a baby without success. We went to the doctor and he said that everything was alright with me, but my husband was diagnotised with varicocele. The thing is, he need a surgery. Doctor said if we want to have a baby, he need to get that surgery as soon is posible.
My husband refuse to get into surgery because it scares him something can go wrong. I've been trying to convince him, but nothing works.
Anybody can help me with this?

OP posts:

isthismummy · 21/07/2017 07:59

It comes down to something very simple. He either has the operation or condemns you both to a childless life if he doesn't have it and you stay together.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. Your DH is being deeply selfish. It would be a deal breaker for me I'm afraid. My convincing method would be he gets the op or he gets a divorce.

Nobody enjoys operations but sometimes we have to do things that scare us for the greater good. It's called being a grown up. Good luck op. I hope you get your longed for baby one way or the other.

katieferg81 · 21/07/2017 13:19

I've been under investigation for infertility for a couple of years and have had 2 operations as part of the investigations (1 a laproscopy and 1 for removal of a damaged tube) both times I wasn't exactly jumping for joy at the idea of GA and surgery but my need / want / desire for a family (and to give my partner the chance of a family) far outweighed my fear. If your partner's want doesn't outweigh his fear you need to consider that you're not on the same page and think about what that means for you as an individual and you as a couple. You can't make somebody have surgery but you can choose how to support or not support their decision. Best of luck.

Smeaton · 21/07/2017 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Imspartacusforreal · 21/07/2017 13:24

I agree that it's his body and therefore his choice ultimately. However if your need for a baby is great then it might be a good idea to ask him if he is therefore saying he wants a childless marriage and if so that's something you can't negotiate. It might be worth asking if he feels less of a man or if his ego is knocked a bit by finding out there is "something wrong" with him. That could be causing his resistance

AlexsMum89 · 21/07/2017 13:31

There's been some really harsh (but accurate) advice on here. I can imagine how you must be feeling having read the comments!

But I guess it does come down to both of you considering what you want the most - do you want a baby more than being with your husband, and same question to your husband. If you both pick each other, then that means no surgery. If you both pick baby that means surgery. If you each pick something different that could mean divorce...

Not a nice decision to make, and I know how hard these things are. And actually, the view on it can change over time as well. When I first met my (now) husband, he wanted children and I didn't want any more (I already had a son). There were quite a few deal breaker type conversations and I seriously considered that maybe we couldn't be together, even though we were already living together and he was a step dad to my son. Eventually over a few years my view changed and now we are both happy to have another, so I'm glad I didn't make a rash decision, but it did mean that we both took a risk.

Big hugs xxx

Bombardier25966 · 21/07/2017 13:39

condemns you both to a childless life

Many people live happy and fulfilling lives whilst being childless.

@willad2 it is your husband's decision whether to have surgery or not, just like it would be your decision if you needed to go through an invasive procedure. Varicoceles are not guaranteed to improve his fertility, they can be a contributory factor but they are not generally the cause. It sounds like you both need to better understand what the procedure is and how likely it is to improve your chances of conception.

Oysterbabe · 21/07/2017 13:41

I agree with everyone else. You can't force him into it but you don't have to stay. I wouldn't accept a childfree life if I had other options.
How would he feel about you using donor sperm?

Bombardier25966 · 21/07/2017 13:41

Edit: Removing the varicoceles is not guaranteed ...

isthismummy · 21/07/2017 13:49

Bombardier Of course many people lead fulfilled, child free lives. That isn't being disputed here. However the op is clearly desperate for a child, so I would query how happy and fulfilled she's going to feel by being forced into childlessness by her DH and his attitude to surgery. It's a horrible position to be in and I feel greatly for the OP. I hope she can reach a solution that works for her and her own wants/desires, not just those of her partner.

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