Waiting to TTC - is it wise

[DaisyFranceLynch]

DC1 is 2 and a bit and DH and I would both like to have another baby at some point in the near future. I got pregnant at the beginning of the year but had a missed miscarriage in March, and didn't want to start trying again immediately.

For various reasons (mostly to do with work - I've just been offered a job in a totally new field, and would like to get to grips with it before going on mat leave) we would ideally start trying again at the end of the year. The job is in my current company, just a different department, so I will keep my maternity leave entitlement.

However, I'm 38, nearly 39. I fell pregnant straight away with my two previous pregnancies but there's obviously no guarantee that this would happen again. I'm worried that I'd be taking my fertility for granted by deliberately postponing TTC.

I'm not sure what to do. DH is happy with whatever I decide. Does anyone have any advice?

My advice would be to not wait.
Even if you fell pregnant tomorrow, you'd have a good few months to get your feet under the table in your new job before you need to announce and they'll have 8/9 months work from you.
As you say, it might not happen straight away (although I hope it does for you!)
Additionally, the new role is at a company where they know you and you've built up goodwill.
Speaking from experience where I stopped ttc due to an internal move and eventually was made redundant after a failed round of IVF, no matter how well we get on with our colleagues/managers, we are just a number at the end of the day and they wouldn't hesitate to get rid if they had to, with no thought to your circumstances.
A job is a job but a baby is more important than that, especially at your age (I'm 39 myself so I hope you don't mind me saying that!)
After the redundancy I walked straight into a new job contracting while I was undergoing a frozen embryo transfer which resulted in a pregnancy and my DS who is now 1. I worked for the company while I was pregnant and left on good terms just before my due date!

I don't think you should wait either. That's partly to do with age (I'm exactly the same age as you), and partly to do with the age gap.

Even if you get pregnant quickly, at our age egg quality has already deteriorated quite a bit and we are more likely to miscarry than younger women. The statistic for Down's syndrome etc also start to get worrying at this age.

I also think the age gap would be better if you got on with it sooner. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 2 month old and it feels as if it will be forever before they can interact as siblings / play. This surprised me because I got pregnant when DC1 was 18 months and still felt like a baby, so I was imagining it would seem a fairly close age gap.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Thanks so much clickncollect. I think you're right - if I was in my twenties or early thirties I would probably wait, but I have friends who have experienced secondary infertility and it seems a bit risky to wait until the "perfect" time.

And thank you hopsalong.

The miscarriage made me worry about egg quality as well. I know it can happen to anyone but I did wonder whether it had something to do with my age.

It is interesting about the age gap - I never knew what the ideal age gap was, and I think it depends so much on the individual siblings. Ours will be three years apart even if we start now - another reason to get on with it!

My other thought was about the academic year - starting now would mean a spring/summer baby (assuming I got pregnant before December). My husband was born in June and says it will all be fine, but I've read lots of stuff about how it makes primary school harder.

At 39 I definitely wouldn't delay.

Thanks oysterbabe - it sounds as if it is a unanimous verdict!