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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Worried about pregnancy no.4

18 replies

SmileyGirl · 22/03/2007 12:38

Really don't know what to do. Have three children, youngest three and a half. eldest is 6. Although life was tough when they were tiny, we did enjoy it and get through it. I really don't think I can cope with another - any advice from anyone would be very welcome. I have only discussed with DH, it's becoming very difficult to hold in the emotions.

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 22/03/2007 14:00

Do you mean that you are definitely pregnant, might be pg or dh wants you to be pg?

I was an unplanned 4th child (I think).

KittyLetteMeEatAnEasterEgg · 22/03/2007 14:05

are you pregnant?

Original poster

SmileyGirl · 22/03/2007 17:23

Hadn't realised I hadn't actually mentioned that I am pregnant! 5 weeks 4 days and counting and worrying.

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 22/03/2007 17:30

I think my mum is quite glad she bothered to have me! She had 3 raucous little boys, not enough room in the house, no dishwasher, twintub wm, no tumble drier, no paid work to escape to, not much money, she couldn't drive, disposable nappies weren't invented, no prenatal screening, abortion was illegal .....

I was the one who spent a week looking after her after she had her hip done recently. (Not that my brothers don't help her)

Congratulations by the way!

Think of the positives.

Celery · 22/03/2007 17:38

Oh goodness - you are in a position I fear about! I have a six, three and 1 year old, and I don't think I could cope with another.

However, you WILL cope. Our no. 3 was unplanned and we said, yes it will be really tough for a while, but in the long term it will be a good thing. Imagine yourself in 10 years time - it doesn't seem so bad, does it?

You might be really lucky and have a very easy fourth - our no. 3 has been easy peasy - he made it so much easier for us.

fionap19 · 22/03/2007 18:01

Hi,
Im sorry for you! you need to think this through in your head. Does the idea make you happy or sad...would you be happy when you get through the hard bit or is it just all too much and a strain? I myself know I love babies and couldnt do anything else, but I am not you! everyone has different needs, expectations of life, what they can afford, or whant to do....you know there are alternatives. Play about in your head imagining the different scenarios and think how you would feel. No one can tell you what to do about this, it really is a personal choice.
If in doubt get paper and write for and against for it and see if it helps you clear your views!

Sometimes life throws these dilemmas, but it could be a bllessing1 You may have it and afterwards you will be thinking what was i worried about!
i ish you all the luck in the world....

Original poster

SmileyGirl · 22/03/2007 19:00

THANK YOU - I already feel better having shared the load - its really helping.

OP posts:

zephyrcat · 22/03/2007 19:05

Hi Smileygirl, I couldn't go past without letting you know that you aren't alone!!

I have 3 little ones, 5, 2.9 and 11 months.

I got pregnant - totally unplanned and very much a shock. It turns out it is twins (although that was a 5 week scan so may have changed since). I'm almost 12 weeks now and absolutely terrified. I have no idea how I'll cope!

I have the thought in my mind that I felt similar to this when I found out I was pg with number 3 but I coped because you just do... you have to and so in theory, things will be fine again.

How does your dh feel?

Elasticwoman · 22/03/2007 22:59

Zephyrcat, you may well be entitled to some support through social services. I knew some one who had 4 children under school age (inc twins) and she had a student nursery nurse placed at her house, and seemed to find that helpful.

Congratulations on your pregnancy too.

Original poster

SmileyGirl · 23/03/2007 10:01

Hi zephrycat, thanks for the message. My dh is fine, very supportive. I am due to have a termination next week. It shouldd have been this week, but I hadn't come to terms with anything. two and a half years ago when my children were 4,2 and 12 months I began to have a breakdown and couldn't cope looking after them. I just don't feel that I can put my family through anything like that again. The pressure of this fouth pregnancy is already bringing back those feelings. However, I still don't know if I can go through with a termination - it's a really horrible thought. I've had the counselling and nearly went through with it once. I don't expect anyone to understand fully, but it has been helpful to me to offload my thoughts somewhere, other than my poor dh.

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 23/03/2007 10:03

Big hugs, Smileygirl. You'll find support on MN whatever you choose.

FioFio · 23/03/2007 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bigcar · 23/03/2007 10:27

I have 4 and to be honest life is hectic, but i love it. If your elder children are at school for all or part of the day, this should give you some time alone with your new baby. I know you have said its all fallen apart before, but may be if it happens again, you will see the warning signs and get the help you need earlier, and maybe have coping strategies from the last time.

Its a very emotional time for you and i hope that you come to the decision that is right for you. Whatever you decide im sure mn will be right here for you.

zephyrcat · 23/03/2007 11:08

smileygirl I was booked in for a termination with this pregnancy. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I detatched myself and didn't 'feel' pregnant so that I could go through with it. The problem came when I had the scan. They told me to go and wait for the doctor and she told me that it was a twin poregnancy so from tha moment I wanted to change my mind. It made it personal. They may as well have said it was a girl or boy.

I'm really struggling with the thought of beig pregnant and I desperately don't want to be pregnant. That sounds awful doesn't it I believe that #I had some degree of ante natal depression with dd2 and I'm worried that will come back again. But It's happened. I'm petrified but I guess I'll cope one way or another!

Good luck, I hope uyou have the stregnth to go with what you need to do. x

Original poster

SmileyGirl · 23/03/2007 17:24

zephrycat - it sounds like you a bigger mountain to climb than me. My difficult moment came when I went for my first appointment with bpas. The nurse doing the full medical, bloods scan, very personal questions, turned out to be a parent, whose children I used to teach and a neighbour! There was no one else I could see - so as you can imagine I haven't felt right since. My house overlooks hers! I still have more thinking time, maybe I'll be as brave as you and go for it! But thanks.

OP posts:

Elasticwoman · 26/03/2007 10:00

How are you today Smileygirl?

Original poster

SmileyGirl · 26/03/2007 15:45

Elasticwoman> thanks for message. Feeling much better after weekend. Cleared my head, had some reflexology, decision made- taking me, everybody and everything into account. Now feeling very strong. Many thanks to everyone who has offered support.

OP posts:

fionap19 · 31/03/2007 02:31

Hi again,
just glad you feel you have made a decision that you can live with. As i said to you before no one can tell you what to do you have to do whats right for you. thats why women fought for womens rights! i wish you well and can understand the stress and strain thing tiotally. you dont need a breakdown....
Loads of luck.

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