I feel like I'm going mad at the moment.
My husband and I have always planned to have children at some point, and I recently had my implant removed. At the moment, we're using condoms.
Since my implant was removed, I seem to have become more and more obsessed with starting to try to get pregnant. I'm noticing pregnant women everywhere, constantly calculating when our baby would be due if we fell pregnant this month, what if we have issues getting pregnant, or I miscarry. I'm stressing about what will happen when I go on maternity leave, since I'm the main earner, so I'll have to go back to work pretty quickly otherwise we won't be able to pay the mortgage. Also, how my career will affect my relationship with my children - and how will I balance the two. Whether my husband will give up work to be a SAHD, or will we use a childminder.
We're planning to build an extension and a new kitchen, and my husband is of the view that we shouldn't start TTC until it's been done. We don't have any solid plans yet, and we can't afford to do it at the moment so it could be another 2 years, if not more. I can see his point, but it feels like he's just trying to delay us starting our family.
I think he assumes that when we decide to go for it, I'll fall pregnant immediately, and I'm really worried that it won't. I'd like to have at least 3 children - and always have wanted a big family. I'm 28, and I feel like we've already left it too long, in case we do have issues.
This has all been made that much harder this week, since we discovered that both his step-brother and cousin are expecting babies in January.
I should add, that we've been together forever, he's super supportive, a truly modern guy who will be an amazing dad, and I know I can talk to him about anything, but I have a real habit of bottling things up.
I suppose I just needed to write this all down really, to acknowledge to myself that it's happening in my head. How do I discuss my anxiety with my husband, without sounding like a completely obsessed crazy person?!