Advice - Should I Now Wait TTC?

[DazzleGem]

Hi all,

I was just hoping for a bit of advice.

My fiance and I are getting married July 2018.
Currently we've been TTC for 3 months, but to no avail yet.

Thing is, as we get closer to the wedding, I'm wondering now if we should stop TTC until after?

I'm 26 and he's 33 and all our friends have babies so it's making both of us feel extra broody! I think finance is also a bit sad as he doesn't want to be much older to be a first time dad.

I think stupidly I thought it would happen the first month ttc (who hasn't!) so we would have had a 7 month old on our wedding day. but now I'm just wondering from others when they're cut off point would be and if it's too selfish of us to want a small baby at the wedding, or if we should just wait now? Would it be too stressful?

If you did decide to hold off - should I still take folic acid for the next year?

For contraceptives - would it be silly to go back on the pill and I would then need to come off it all over again? Or should we try for another month?

Any advice appreciated :)

Dg x

It's a tough one with no easy answer. You already know it doesn't happen quickly it can take up to 12 months for perfectly healthy couples.

I went to a wedding this weekend and the bride had a 16 month old family and friends were taking time to entertain her but on numerous occasions the bride was panicking wondering where she was even though she was perfectly safe.
What I'm trying to say is there are different challenges whatever age the baby/child can be. A newborn would be probably easier?

I also know another friend who waited until they got married an are now 12 months in and one miscarriage still no baby. It's very tricky know how things will pan out.

Would it be so bad to be pg at your wedding!

If it was me I would carry on TTC as your wedding is just one day after all (I'm not taking away how special it is) but it will be special regardless on whether you are pregnant or have a baby or not. These things always sort themselves out.

I hope whatever decision you make will be the right one for you, and your wedding will be the perfect day. Good luck x x

I'm getting married this weekend
I came off the pill a few months ago in preparation to TTC straight after but we decided we wouldn't use contraception because I would only have been 12 weeks max if I did fall pregnant.

Well I had the mother of all shocks when I found out I was pregnant last month! However, I sadly lost the baby three weeks ago at 6 weeks. In hindsight I wished we'd been careful and more patient and waited. I think even if I hadn't miscarried it wouldn't have been fun as I was sooo bloated and nauseous.

Obviously it's just one persons story but maybe something to consider. Like you we are desperate to get the ball rolling!

Good luck with your wedding though and lots of baby dust!!

Thanks for the advice so far and I appreciate the different points of view. It's hard because I can't really discuss with other people because no one knows we've even been trying :)

I didn't want to be pregnant at the wedding because it's overseas and I already have my fitted dress ordered...maybe it sounds selfish but I wanted to enjoy my day and I guess I worry about if I had bad morning sickness etc...we've paid alot for the day so I want to enjoy it! :)

I think have a thought though that would it be mad if we kept trying now? It would mean a very young baby which I would probably worry about them all day!

It would mean my fiance wouldn't be a dad until 35..something I think he is a bit sad about :(

@Juno2002 and congrats for the weekend!!!

Hi there, I think you're very young and still have plenty of time. We're both 36 and trying for our first now.

I would say though that if you decide to stop, I probably wouldn't go back on the pill, just use condoms/withdrawal instead.

Another point is that planning a wedding can be stressful.. lots of appointments and consultations, and I would imagine juggling that with a pregnancy and hospital appointments would be tough!

Should I still continue with folic acid?

I feel pretty sad right now to be honest thinking about stopping...but it we tried another month they would likely be just around 3 months old on the wedding day..is that just selfish to try and want everything all at once?

Personally I'd wait. I would be stressed worrying about the baby instead of enjoying my day. But I'm a huge worrier.

There is no right or wrong, it's what will be best for you.

It won't do any harm to keep taking the folic acid.
Good luck.

It just depends how adaptable you are and how much you want a baby vs. the downsides for your wedding.

We're getting married in December and we're not using contraception. I'm turning 35 soon though so that's a factor for us.

We've just decided that I'll swap my dress if I'm pregnant and sell the one I've bought. We'd lose a bit of money on the Dress and it would be a bit of a bummer to be sober and to skip our honeymoon but such if life. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't.

Like I said though, age is a factor for us and not as much for you. There's no right or wrong answer, I guess you just need to weigh up which is more important to you.

I'm getting married this august and we stopped ttc when i ordered my dress. I have continued taking folic acid.

Also now we have booked a homeymoon in feb which involves flying so can't be too far gone for that, so we will prob commence ttc at christmas.

I really appreciate these responses :)
I guess the sensible thing would be to stop and wait until after the wedding.

Its actually making me feel a bit sad! Like I'm admitting defeat or something!

Can I join in?

I'm married 2 years, I'm 30 he is 35 in August. We've been together 10 years in August, I understand how your fiance feels as my hubby always wanted marriage and children a lot earlier. But I made him wait. And now all I want is a child...about time eh.

I think it's not such a bad idea to wait. Because if your wedding is abroad and lots of money has been spent, you mat feel the pinchance of trying to cancel or rearrange quite hard. All with uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms and not fitting into any clothe's, you may wish you waited...

That being said...you may feel totally different once you are pregnant. You might want to go out and buy a new dress and enjoy wedding with a babymoon included.

Point is you won't know until you're pregnant and you won't know what type of pregnancy you will have until you have it.

There is no right or wrong here.

I like things to be very black and white and it's so true: there isn't a right or wrong answer here!

The wedding is Ireland so could drive/fly back and forth to sort out arrangements etc - just not sure how I would feel doing that pregnant!

Guess there's also the selfish part of wanting to look nice on my day - I'm not sure with a 12 week old how possible that would be!

@DazzleGem there is nothing at all selfish about wanting to look nice on your big day. It's the biggest occasion in your life that you'll ever get dressed up for. Ireland isn't too bad for an abroad wedding as you won't be on a plane for too long and it won't be sub tropical weather which can cause it's own chaos during a pregnancy/with a tiny baby.

Just see how it goes. Whatever happens, you will be fine and you will find a way of dealing with it. There are always solutions, just try to relax and enjoy planning the wedding, honeymoon and hen instead.

And if nature throws a little bubba in the mix, it's a blessing and hen do can include a baby shower too. You'll find a way x