Too scared to test...

[NoMoreMarbles]

Ok, background first... I have an 11yo DD, DH and I have been TTC for 10 years, had 9 early/first trimester MCs in that time, lupus (SLE) diagnosis explains this sadly. We started trying properly again in January (took a break after the last MC as we made it to 9weeks but it hadn't actually progressed past 5 weeks so we were devastated ) had some (very) serious relationship issues a few months ago and almost split up entirely.

Ok so fast forward to now...

We have had quite an, erm, active month and due to the fact that we haven't used contraception for 10 years, and we have continued in the same vein, I'm now a week late... hardly surprising I know!

I'm now very scared to test

I'm so frightened of being back in the position of hiding a pregnancy, then it inevitably going wrong and no one knows so I have to act as if all is ok when really I'm devastated and need support. I have put off buying a test making excuses etc as I'm burying my head in the sand... I have ordered some cheapies online today but I'm shitting my pants...

I'm thinking positive thoughts for you. Fingers crossed.

I'm pregnant again after a miscarriage, so I can partly understand your angst. I recommend you do it, then you'll know.
You've been very strong so far and I'm sure you will be able to deal with it either way.
It's horrible though, fingers crossed for you xxx

Thanks for the replies

I'm waiting until the cheapies arrive procrastinating so I have a few days at least for either AF to arrive or not... I'm thinking it's going to be + though as I've never been this late and not been pregnant...

I'm so sorry to hear about your MC. Giving you a virtual hand hold when you take the test.

If you are pregnant, would it be possible to confide in a few close people? That way you will have someone to talk to about your fears. I told a handful of people before 12 weeks because I found it a difficult time and needed support.

@NoMoreMarbles
Sorry you had to experience that xxx
I've found that telling only close people and of course why you don't want to mention it too anyone else is a good idea. It's how I got through my first 12 weeks when pregnant after a mc. I really hope this works out for you and am also here as a virtual hand hold when you take the test xxx

@NoMoreMarbles any update xxxx

Sorry for not updating!

AF arrived late but DH was very disappointed and has asked for us to start TTC again so I might be writing a similar post in a month!