I have a beautiful daughter who is 6 years old, and such a joy. I am very blessed to have her and feel very lucky to have such a wonderful child.
I have wanted another baby for such a long time now, and had an ectopic pregnancy a couple of months ago. To say I was devastated after wanting another for so long is an understatement. I've had a lot of health problems over the past couple of years, including a head injury and mental breakdown, and felt that this was a bright light among all the darkness that I've endured.
I'm starting to think I will never have another one, to be honest. My DH and I were never very careful during the past 6 years and weren't actively TTC but weren't expecting anything to happen, so when it did it was a bit of a surprise. My DH was never keen on another for financial reasons but was coming round to the idea when I did fall pregnant. Seeing other mums and pregnant women makes me feel so depressed, and I know it's unavoidable but I just can't seem to switch it off.
I know that I am probably still grieving and should be kinder on myself, but I feel if I start to cry properly then I might not stop.
I am just focusing on everything I do have at the moment but the emptiness and longing for another is eating me up inside. I can't face endless more months of TTC and BFN tests, it just makes me feel so depressed.
Sorry for the mini moan, I am just needed to get it off my chest and have a rant. :-(