I was sure I didn't want anymore children and now I'm not so sure

[Mummyoftwomunckins]

Hi all, newbie here !!
I've had 2 children ages 2&4 me and my partner were certain we didn't want anymore. He still is ! He's got children from previous relationships and is older than me so I understand.
I had the coil put in before Christmas and some way or another it was rejected by my body around 3 weeks ago. In this time me and my partner dtd a I was put back on cerelle but I wasn't so good at getting back into the taking at the same time everyday. I know silly!
I had a few days where I felt nauseous, I've been extremely tired, incredibly itchy(of to the docs about that today not sure if that is relevant) lol in all I was thinking I could be pregnant and the thinking has turned into a longing. I have taken 2 tests which were neg which I'm not going to lie broke my heart a little bit. I've had a few little bleeds here and there.
How could I been so sure that I didn't want anymore children and now I'm feeling like it's all I think about :(
Xxx sorry if I have waffled on

It is a flipped perspective thing I think. When you make the decision, you are coming from a place where it is still - 'a might happen' and you have control over that and now it is a 'won't happen'. Also, hormones play funny games - maybe it is the cerelle?! Is a chat to OH def out of the question?!

This might sound silly but maybe spend some extra time with your other dc. I recently had a mc and the most therapeutic thing has been to sit down and just play with ds. Makes me realise how amazing he is and how lucky i am to have him even if there is never another.

Lookatthemoon
That is a good point! It's so hard to distract yourself from it when it seems almost like an obsessive thought.
OH had said that he doesn't want anymore and very certain. He did say when I was feeling sick etc that if we did we would get on with things he would love the child regardless. He has said in the past it's his age that stops him wanting more children if he could be would have more but the idea of being 50 something when the last child was 20 wasn't something he could see.
I think he's had a problem with getting older in many aspects he worries so much about loosing people etc.

I'm sorry about that and hope you are ok xxx that's great advice it sounds so simple but j think I will do that sometimes it's hard to get past the thought but my dc are amazing and like you say lucky to have them xx

How old is your husband?

How old is your husband? I thought initially you meant he was already in his 50's!

He's only 37 which in my eyes is not old at all and at no point do I think being 57 and having a 20 year old is wrong in anyway I can't see why it bothers him so much ! I think he is being silly if I'm honest in that respect. He worries far too much about things that could happen xx

My DH's cut off point was 35 in terms of no more babies. He said he didn't want to be the "old dad" at the school gates or chasing his kids round the park in his 40s etc.

Writerwannabe83
That's exactly what my partner said also. I think part of me is feeling selfish as I'm thinking of my own feelings and I have to respect his decision of not wanting anymore children.
I feel like I'm a little lost at the moment x

Oh don't feel lost! Maybe just accept the feelings for what they are at the moment. They might pass and you go back to your original position. If they don't pass in a few months maybe then start to give some serious reconsideration. You don't have to decide anything at the moment - maybe just let it be what it is and see how it all feels in a little while. I know it is easier said than done but try not to stress!

That's a good idea lookatthemoon Thankyou. I think maybe as a lot has gone on at home lately I'm getting caught up in things.
Thankyou all. I felt very confused and in an odd place about a lot of things. Xxx