I don't know if I'm being stupid

[EmilyJ90]

Today I found out my sister is pregnant again. While half of me is stupidly happy because I'll have another nephew/niece to spoil, the other half of me feels like lying in a dark room and crying for hours on end. We've had so many BFN, so many tears shed staring at one line on a test. While the whole family-including me are crying tears of happiness, mine are tears of sadness, sadness because I wish it was me, i wish I'd finally got my BFP. I don't know what to do, this is an amazing time for my sister and I don't want to ruin it for her, but I can't help feeling a pang of jealousy

Normal reaction I'd say. Logically you want to be just happy and compartmentalise your own situation away from hers, emotionally that's very difficult and the mix of feelings with have you all over the place. Generally emotions trump logic and that's part of what makes us human and not machine.

It's totally normal to feel like this. People don't talk about it in real life but almost anyone that's tried for any length of time will tell you they've felt the same as you.

I've now got very good at faking smiles and congratulations now. Do you have anyone you can talk to who you can be honest with? Your dh or a friend who doesn't know your sister maybe?

I know how you feel, TTC is genuinely soul destroying at times!
My sister also just had her second child and although I'm obviously pleased for her, I am dealing with disappointment every month with a constant string of fake symptoms and BFNs with my lovely DP.
Me and my good friend at work decided to ttc at the same time last year, she's already got a lovely little boy and now today has found out she's pregnant again. I'm genuinely thrilled for her but I feel sick at the thought of facing her tomorrow at work as I'm so envious and so upset that it can't be me too. We're a very small close team - like a family, and the thought of seeing her pregnancy progress every day for the next 8mths actually kills me. My heart is pounding thinking about it.
I can't admit it to anyone out of guilt, I feel like such a terrible person but it almost makes me want to leave jobs.
I'm just so jealous :(

Thank you all for your replies.

this will be her second child, my mum turned to me today and said "come on, it's your turn to give me a grandchild now!".. I'm like yes mum believe me I'm trying!!!! It drives me insane :(

I feel like I can't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling because I'll be seen as the bad one who should be happy for her sister. I am happy for her but jealousy is taking over.

Sorry. Didn't want to read and run.

Perfectly normal reaction. Be kind to yourself