Longterm TTCers - how good are you at being good?

[Luxnuova]

Just turning my head back to serious TTC after letting it slide for a bit for sanity reasons. We didn't stop trying, just I ended up putting down OPKs, temping, etc, as I started a stressful new job 6 months ago, and just couldn't bear the intense disappointment each month. A bit of background - we're dealing with secondary infertility. We have a beautiful 5yoDD, and have been trying to conceive our second for nearly 2 years now, with a MC and MMC along the way. Our infertility is unexplained, but I am now 38, and my husband is 41, so age is obviously a factor.

I guess I'm just casting about to make myself feel better about my habits. When I was trying for my first, I went hardcore on the healthy eating front, no alcohol, no caffeine, sugar, tried various meds. Largely as I thought I had PCOS. We were lucky to conceive on the third month trying. When we started trying again, I have been variously successful with the discipline. I'm quite healthy in general - we eat homecooked meals, I try to avoid sugar and processed grains in general. BUT hard as I try, I can't stop my tea habit. It's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes. I have about 2 or 3 cups of fairly strong tea a day. And I typically have a small glass of beer or wine when I get home in the evening. Not always, but relatively often. And definitely far more chocolate than I ever used to back when I was trying before.

Whenever I try to convince myself to just give these vices up, and that it's not doing any favours to my eggs, my brain tells me that there's no guarantee it's going to happen at all, and that I should at least be able to enjoy myself in this modest fashion in the meantime. Not aided by the fact that our fertility consultant (we went once, need to go back and move the process along) said that there's nothing you can do to improve egg health anyway. (Contra to the advice of It's All About the Egg, which I'd read after my last miscarriage).

Yeah, so I guess I'm looking for someone to tell me to just suck it up and stop whinging and get disciplined again. I don't know why I"m finding this so hard. I think I've stopped believing I'll ever get pregnant, and it's almost like self-sabotage or something. For what it's worth, the fertility guy says that I don't actually have PCOS, but I still feel like I don't quite trust that either.

Apols for long post - it's been ages since I've been on here, and I think I just feel like I need to psych myself back into things.

Have you tried clippers organic decaf tea? I can hardly tell the difference between it and normal tea.

With regards to alcohol, I don't buy it for the house. We only have a drink on a special occasion if we go out but we normally limit it to the one. Never drink sugary drinks, just water or sparkling water.

Food can be harder but we always have a takeaway once a week as a reward for being good the rest of the week. Sometimes we let things slip entirely but you've just got to rediscipline yourself afterwards.

I don't think you should be so hard on yourself if that happens. Just try and be good most the time.

Hi Luxe, it's really hard isn't it! I think there's enough evidence out there (All about the egg and a series of other fertility nutritionists) that it is worth cutting right back on caffeine and alcohol if you want a second. For alcohol like sk1pper says maybe don't have it at home but occasional one if going out? I thought I vd never give up coffee but now love loose green tea. It has some caffeine but better for you and most fertility people say 1-2 fine.

Maybe try it for a year so you know you're doing everything? Find other treats eg massage? Juices/smoothies? Nails or other treatments?? Meals out?

You still have time at 38 ;-). My first arrived then and second at 41. Good luck!!

Thanks so much for these responses! This is just what I needed. I think a lot of the reason I've fallen off the wagon is sadness about the miscarriages, etc. Thanks for the advice and encouragement. I'm drinking a cup of decaf now . I don't find it tricky to stop drinking, really - it's more a habit than anything. But, like changing any habit, it sort of needs a boost to push you into it. Do both of your partners also manage to avoid drinking? I My DH has not cut back. I don't think he believes this has any effect. I've read a few articles to the contrary, but advice on male drinking seems a bit vague. Anyone have access to more info?

Im non typical pcos and find sticking to the diet hard! Im on metformin too. For what its worth no Doctor has ever mentioned diet to me.
I go gym twice a week. Try to stick to brown foods but chocolate is my downfall. Ive never drank tea or coffee. Rarely drink alcohol aswell. Despite this still havent had success

Hi jillyPeps - I think that's the hardest part for me. It's one thing to maintain discipline but when the doubt about whether it's having an effect creeps in, I find I wobble. It sounds like you're doing incredibly well, though. I don't quite trust the dorcor who said I don't have PCOS - I do feel better when I'm doing the low-GI diet thing. I think this thread is enough (hopefully!) to kick me into stopping caffeine and alcohol again. As Clara mentioned, if I do it for a year, at least I know I've tried everything.

I've also been suffering from unexplained secondary infertility. We've been ttc #2 for 3 years with 4 early losses. I've gone through spells of being really "good" and spells of not so "good". Over Xmas this year I really let go and enjoyed myself. I'm now 6+4 and praying this is my sticky one! The only thing I think may have made a difference is exercise - I usually do a quite intense circuit class 4-5 times a week and I've noticed that when I do it on ovulation days I have spotting. I've mentioned it to my fertility clinic but they never really thought much of it. I had a chest infection at the beginning of Jan and couldn't exercise around ovulation time and this was the month I caught. May be a coincidence...

Congrats lovesong... Hope your bean sticks!!

Luxe, sorry slow reply. My DP doesn't drink much (just his choice not really v into it) and for sure that makes it much easier for me as it's shared lifestyle and it doesn't really come up at home. Occasional glass out I don't worry abt. All the people I'm talking about advocate that men also cut back on alcohol and caffeine consumption as it affects sperm quality and chances of conceiving.

Here's a couple of extracts in case helpful.

That said you can't get all dictatorial, that wd probably backfire!! Maybe look into it together and make a plan for a year if you want a second? People who say this you cd read up on are Jean Twenge, Patrick Holford, Emma Cannon, Zita West (I think). All about the Egg book particularly informative on male factors.

Good luck!!