How do I "forget" about TTC?

[TheLegendOfBeans]

Evening all

My DP and I have been TTC for a few months now. We have a lovely 11mo DD and we sadly had a m/c in August. Since Sep/Oct we have been TTC and to no avail. I got pregnant with no effort at all with DD and the subsequent pregnancy that failed.

I feel like my desire to have another DC is taking over my mind too much to the detriment of my MH. I am lucky enough to be in a position where I don't work and as grateful as I am to be in that position I'm struggling not to overthink the whole TTC/desire to have another child.

My DD may end up being my only child and thats fine - we are lucky to have her full stop - but my true wish is to give her some brothers and sisters. I think the combination of my getting on a bit (35) and DP and I wanting to have a few means I'm impatient.

Regardless, I need to find a way to rid this from my brain. My DD is in nursery two days a week and I've been thinking about Open University courses and the like but not sure if that's the right type of thing?

Basically, how have those of you who've been in the TTC boat stopped yourselves from thinking about it all the time? my mental health will suffer if I don't get a handle on this now - plus I fear the overthinking could potentially be hampering my efforts.

TIA x

Bumping in vain hope x

sorry to hear about the mc:(
but it does show you can get pregnant again and I think you shouldn't worry that it might never happen as it sounds like you have a very good chance. It probably would be difficult to stop thinking about it completely but make an effort to disregard any negative thoughts as its certainly far to early to be loosing hope. More than likely you will get pregnant again soon. I think some kind of project would help to distract you a bit

Hi Legend, i feel like I am in a somewhat similar position to you in that I don't work so I'm finding I have far too much time to think about everything. I am only on my first month TTC so am hoping the novelty will have worn off in a few cycles times and I will just be able to get on with normal life during the 2WW. In the mean time I am just trying to busy myself with as much as I can to take my mind of it, we have loads of decorating that needs doing around our house so I'm trying to focus on that, plus exercising and general household chores.
FX for you that you get a BFP soon

Yes having other things to focus on definitely helps the most. Open University - if you were planning on doing it anyway, why not?

A good tip I have heard is to plan something non-pregnancy-friendly every month, so that if you're not pregnant you have something to look forward to, and if you are, you'll have to cancel!

It's funny; I feel like I'm in a 4ww...it's AF/waiting for AF to go/trying to remember to ov strip/shagging/more shagging/worrying about missing FW/being exhausted/praying for AF not to arrive/AF arrives.

I'm gonna look at the Open University free courses today; plus I may look at joining a yoga class or something on days when I don't have DD.

Not working and looking after a young baby is a funny thing...on the one hand you're permanently "on", feeding, changing, making sure they don't short circuit the electrics....but also your mind isn't engaged in such a way to stop the thoughts about wanting another baby seeping in.

Thanks for responding guys, was just posting for traffic and in the hope of contacting a hypnotist that could stop my brain itching via MN

Also: I have to realise I'm 35 now so even if there is a glimmer of hope re another baby it could take aaaagesssss

Just think positive and try and relax....says me haha!

Hi OP - it all sounds very familiar.

I have a DS who is 2yr 9m and with him we fell pregnant on the first cycle of trying. This time last year we decided to try again for DC2 and again I caught pregnant on the first cycle but I then unfortunately miscarried about a month later.

Me and DH took two months off TTC as I didn't feel emotionally ready to try again but in March last year we decided to try again and I assumed it would happen just as easy as it had the previous two times. However, every month it was negative test after negative test and after about 6 cycles of this I started to lose hope. I was 33 this time around as opposed to 30 when we were TTC our DS. By the time we got to cycle 10/11 (I'd lost track by that point) I had kind of got it into my head that it wasn't going to happen and told myself I should be thankful I had one wonderful child when some families can't even have that.

Anyway, in order to try and give myself something else to focus on I decided to apply for a promotion at work and I theee myself into preparation for that and as Sod's Law would have it I got a positive pregnancy test two days before my interview.

Also, in your post you mentioned "feeding" your child and I didn't know whether to take this as though you breast feed your DD? Whilst TTC DC2 I was still breast feeding my son (although not regularly because of his age) and after months and months of BFN's I did start to wonder if me breast feeding was causing a problem and the cycle where I got pregnant was the first cycle that I had stopped breast feeding my son. It may have been a coincidence but something to consider if you are BF'ing.

Hello wannabe - oh no no reason BFing...that didn't work out for me so she's been FF since she was 8w old! I'm mostly referring to shovelling pasta into her at the required times!

As it said in my OP I am no longer working as my last boss was a misogynist and a dick and my long term plan is to return to study to retrain. We leave the U.K. in 6 months to move to Europe but there's not a lot regarding that to take up my mental time IYSWIM?

Which is why I'm going to try and really "get into" the short free courses on offer from the OU. Studying is the only way I can see to fill the pigeonholes in my brain currently filled with "WANT ANOTHER BABY NOW".

May I ask, are you pregnant now? If so big congrats xxx

Yes, I'm just under 9 weeks. It came as quite a shock to me and DH because after 10 failed cycles we'd pretty much given up thinking about it. I didn't tell DH for 3 days after I got the BFP because I couldn't quite get my own head around it

Stories like yours give me hope xx

If you work it out let me know! I'm really struggling with this too - I work in a job that is in some ways quite intense, but which is very self-directed and includes a lot of time working entirely alone (I'm a researcher). I've always found in the past that one of the most challenging things about my job is that it's very hard to 'get out of my own head' if I'm upset or worried about something. I occasionally do some teaching, which is great for this, so I do think being busy is key - but I also find it so, so hard to stop myself obsessing!

Does anyone else also find it slows down time? Again, normally with work I constantly feel like deadlines are hurtling towards me, there's never enough time, etc., etc., but for the past couple of months (we started TTC in August) time just crawls, e.g. at the moment I cannot believe that it is only CD11 for me, since it already feels like it was so very long ago that I was last hopeful for a BFP - it hasn't even been two weeks yet!

Absolutely know what you mean about time crawling Lisa! This is my first month TTC, in the past it's always felt like one period has just only just finished before the next one starts. Can't believe how I'm now actually willing it to be closer to AF time, I should just be enjoying my none AF days like I used to!