hello all, thought I would drop by cos I heard chocolate and cake was in abundance...and then read your many posts
Dear MrsMcJnr - so sorry to hear of your loss , words can not express how you must be feeling at the moment.
I found this today and thought it summed up how I would like to explain all this sometimes - even to my sister and can't - thank goodness for MN buddies -
Things I Wish My Friends and Family Knew About Women & Infertility
That it is probably the most devastating thing we will ever experience.
It makes us feel cheated and alone.
It ruins our self-image.
Our bodies, minds, and spirits spin out of balance.
It affects our relationships with everyone we know.
It interferes with our day to day functioning.
It feels like it will never end.
The medications make us moody and emotional and cause us to gain weight.
It is very expensive to go through treatments or to adopt.
It is emotionally draining.
We need distraction, because in every other moment we think of our infertility issues.
We miss the days of strong and abundant hope.
It changes our lives forever; we will never again be the same people we once were.
People experiencing infertility have the same rates of depression as those with cancer.
It makes us question everything we have ever believed in.
These are medical issues, not lifestyle issues.
Never suggest we just relax.
We fear calls from our clinic, because often it is bad news.
Stepping foot in our clinic make tears well up in our eyes.
Even though your intentions are good, you will probably say something that is offensive to us because the sensitivity of infertility has made us this way.
No matter how close the friendship, it will be hard to completely connect with fertile friends.
Infertility affects all aspects of life and the pain is inescapable. We are confronted with it at work, at the grocery store, at restaurants, on television and with family and friends, even if they don?t know it. Kids are life?s common denominator. When we can?t participate in these conversations we just don?t fit in.
Remember if I am acting mad at times, I am not mad at you, I?m mad at my life.
My life plans were rejected and continue to be rejected.
I will be OK again, but I don?t know when so when I seem OK, just accept that as a good thing for the moment, and don?t press me, because I don?t know how long the feeling will last.
Going through infertility is like being on a rollercoaster: there are constant ups and down and surprising drops. We never know what is around the next curve and we work very hard just to stay fastened in our seats.
Infertility is a journey that will take us to many places we never thought of or knew about and it will shape us into new people (some of our newness will be good and some will not be) and change how we look and deal with everything in our lives.
The greatest fear is that we will never have a child. Each failed treatment cycle, especially as our treatment gets more hi-tech, makes this fear even larger. If we could just somehow know that we would have a child, a lot of the stress would be alleviated.
I wish my family and friends could understand how holidays, special gatherings, and just hearing about or being around other people?s children and pregnant women, can be so hard sometimes.
That medical treatments are both emotionally and physically painful. That failed infertility treatments make us feel like failures. What did we do wrong?
We feel like our bodies are not our own. It takes up to four additional people in the room to attempt conception.
Every little secret is no longer a secret.
That fertility treatment is very clinical and there is nothing fun about it.
Treatment cycles move very slowly. It?s difficult to be patient. We are at the mercy of the medical world.
We are disturbed by how this affects our relationship with our partner; we?re rarely ?on the same page?.
We know to be thankful and grateful for what we do have.
The emptiness seems bottomless...if we could just see a picture of the future...
There is not one thing funny about it anymore. Don?t make light of our sorrows.
Misuse of the phrase ?God?s Plan? is annoying. This is nature?s flaw; my God would never intentionally include this struggle in His plan.
We?re not proud of our bitterness, our envy, or any way infertility has negatively affected us.
It?s unclear to know when to stop treatment and if that route is chosen, we?re giving up.
We want to return to the time we still believed in our dream.
We have stashes of baby stuff.
We feel we have a right to have children.
We want to see our partner?s resemblance in the faces and actions of our children.
Believe us, we?d rather not put you in an awkward position, but feel lucky you can walk away from it.
Please don?t try and "fix it" or say clever things to make us feel better, just acknowledge it.
The world asks, "Do you have children?" and as we age they will ask "Do you have grandchildren?".
Our innate desire to be a mother is being smothered and at risk of being snuffed out.
Is it okay if I just sit in the corner and nibble at the chocy left overs??? got my final IVF scan tomorrow and DP had not been to any so feeling sad and lonely hence why seeking the hut tonight