Ttc almost one year and so depressed :(

[cmxx]

Hey everyone... I don't want to just whine and moan but it's sooo hard and I need to get it out.. I'm hoping this is the best place to do that.

I came off the pill end of January 2015, so it's coming up a year with no success. At first we were naive enough to think we'd get pregnant straight away, but shortly accepted it would probably take a couple of months. We did not think it would take a year.
I don't want to sound like I'm being disrespectful as I know some people try alot longer.
I have had blood tests because I have an extremely irregular cycle but all came back fine. My partner did a home sperm test which was positive. I understand neither highlight all fertility problems but as it hasn't been a year yet our doctor won't take it any further.
It doesn't help that so many people around me are having babies and didn't even plan them. My brother in law recently had a baby girl and no one even knew he had a girlfriend, the pair hate each other but are staying together for the baby's sake. The whole family are potty over the baby and I just can't help but feel it should be me and my partner in that situation not them. Plus people keep saying 'you next!' and 'I'm surprised you haven't had one yet,' they just don't understand its not that easy. A girl at work was told she'd never be able to have another child after her first but she's pregnant again now, despite being incredibly unhealthy. I find it so hard everytime I see a baby or a pregnant person... My brain is constantly telling me I'm not good enough, reminding me that I'm struggling and it's like it's laughing at me for being useless. It's not fair :( my partner and I want this so badly... How long is it going to take? I always said from a young age... I believe I was put on this planet to be a mother, and I'm terrified ill be told I can't have kids... And now I'm scared that's actually going to be the case :( im getting so depressed about this idk what to do with myself anymore.
I don't know what I'm expecting from you all, sorry just wanted to get this all out there. Thanks all.

Hi!

I know this must be difficult for you, so big hugs for being as strong as you've been. I have TTCed for while as well. Had MC August 2015 and another MC early November this year. Meanwhile, my sister is pregnant and my good friend is pregnant with her number two. And this kind of triggers everyone to ask me the "is there a bun in the oven yet" question. It hurts sometimes when I think why I am not pregnant yet but I do not lose hope and you should not either.

Just remember that you are not alone :)

awww CMXX, stay strong, don't be disheartened.
We all want the same destination but our routes to get there and the time it takes will differ massively.
It's hard not to be envious of others who are getting BFP's or are pregnant right now, I hear you completely.
I'm nearly 38 TTC #1 and have just got a BFN this morning, I'm on cycle day 28, expecting af tomorrow and full anticipating being on the January bus.
It's a real mixed bag on here - which is good, if we all conceived first time, the world would be a lot busier I'm sure, and possibly alot more troubled.
I've read a few threads recently where ladies who have been TTC for over a year have conceived.... DO NOT LOSE THE FAITH PLEASE, especially at Xmas.
We will all get there in the end
xxxxx

Their babies are nothing to do with your fertility.

I know it's heartbreaking and I know there's a line of thought on here that says we can't help the envy and should vent. But I honestly think letting those feelings gain ground makes you feel worse.

Time to nag the GP a bit? (Has he put a timeline on further investigations?)

And maybe your DP too? (A proper SA in a lab would be better than a home kit for an accurate picture.)

Blokes who only want to do home tests worry me a bit - MFI nearly cost me a marriage. A proper fertility clinic SA is only about £100 and could be very reassuring/revealing.

We were TTC for over a year and had given up hope / enthusiasm, gave up on the careful schedule.. was mentally preparing myself to visit gp.. a few months later got bfp. We only dtd once that month. We're 30 btw. It's hard but keep positive

After a year you can usually get blood and sperm tests through the NHS and then to hurry things along take the results to a private clinic where you can have scans and a fertility check. That's what I did after a year, and the private practice but me on clomid and I conceived on the first cycle. All in, it cost about £500 for the private consultations and scans. Good luck and don't give up!

Sorry you're fed up, crap isn't it. Sadly as the years pass it doesn't get any easier or lessen for the want of a baby. You say you have very irregular cycles, I think this is your problem. What have you tried to regulate this?

Thanks everyone, it's good to be able talk about it in this community.

@mouselove I don't really know what to do... That's what I went to the docs for last time and they referred me for bloods to rest for PCOS and an infertility screening. But they came back fine. I'm deffo going to book something for early in the new year.

I think you could research Angus Cactus and Vitamin B6 and Luteal Phase Defect. Also ask for your thyroid to be tested. I really think if you can regulate those cycles you'll fall pregnant. X

Hello cmxx I am in a very similiar situation to you and totally feel your pain! We've been TTC baby #1 for 10 months (not that long I guess) but I've just turned 38 and am scared I've just left it too late. I've had blood tests which say I am ovulating but I am struggling to identify the actual day of ovulation despite using OPKs. So every month I feel like it's just a shot in the dark really! And every month that goes past is a month I get older. I've never been pregnant before and I know getting pregnant doesn't necessarily mean I will stay pregnant. I really want to get pregnant soon in case I have any problems.
To add to our frustration, my BIL and his girlfriend became pregnant after 6 months together (DH and I have been together over 13 years!!) It feels like a kick in the teeth though of course they have no idea we are TTC. Again, the family love the baby so I totally get how you feel. I have to have a little cry when I come home from seeing them!
Big hugs to you, we'll get there in the end!

@ohbigdaddio its so great to meet someone in a similar situation, in fact our situations are almost identical! Im the same I love my neice to pieces and love being part of her life but I come home so angry and upset that they have this beautiful baby they didn't plan and the baby we want so badly just isn't coming. I use opks and as far as I'm concerned we're getting the timing right so what's going wrong irdk. I guess we've just both got to believe that it'll happen and when it does it'll be the best moments ever :)