Does anyone else feel this way?

[DaisyDanzel]

Hello all

I have just joined and this is my first post so I wanted to introduce myself and chat/maybe get some advice.

In March my boyfriend and I will have been together for 2 years. I am 33 and he is a bit older at 41. I have no children (neither does he) and we have decided in the new year that we are going to start trying for a baby. If I'm honest, growing up I always thought I would follow the classic route of...meet soulmate, fall in love, get married, have babies. However, apparently life doesn't run that smoothly and up until I met my now boyfriend I was never in the right relationship or ready to try. In an ideal world we would be able to wait a little longer and perhaps travel a little and get married first...but that biological clock is ticking! I don't want to risk waiting any longer and he doesn't want to be an even older Dad than he already will be.

I've heard many people say that you are never ready for children, no matter what your circumstances but if I'm honest I'm still a little scared! At the moment life is fairly comfortable and we are happy. We are able to spend a lot of time together and with friends, enjoy each others company and laugh a lot together. We are well aware that life will change completely if we are lucky enough to have a baby and I guess I am just looking for some reassurance that it is normal to be feeling this way!

For about 6 months we have been planning to start trying in January and the closer it gets the more I think...maybe we should just wait a little longer. At the same time I feel broody and envy other pregnant women!

I want to be a Mum but at the same time cannot imagine being one! In a weird way (and I've never heard anyone else say this) I sort of feel like...am I allowed to actually have a baby!? I do wonder if that is because we want to try for a baby before getting married.

On a different note I am confused by the abbreviations I see all over the internet for everything baby/conception related! Some are obvious...but others I have no idea. Is there a post somewhere that can clear it up for me?

Thanks for reading and sorry if I have rambled on a bit for my first post haha

Hi Daisy

I felt like that too. We agreed to try in the new year but it seemed v scary when the day arrived.

Fortunately you have 9 months to get used to the idea, once you're pregnant and your life starts to gradually change.

I now have 2 children and love it (most of the time). It felt like starting a new chapter when the first arrived.

Good luck!

Hello Daisy,
The feelings you describe are what a heck of a lot of people feel when deciding to ttc! Totally normal! I also have two children (one is 3, the other 9 months) and while yes, your life does change and yes, it's challenging, it's the most wonderful thing and I wouldn't change it for anything. I like you, am unmarried and it's not that unusual so don't worry about that. I am 40 and dp is 39 if that helps! As for the abbrieviations, it's something you pick up along the way although I think if you google "mumsnet abbreviations" you'll find it easy enough. I would suggest, although you probably already know, taking folic acid, probably start about now. Above all, try to relax and enjoy yourself! X

I certainly did feel that way. I didn't meet my DH until I was 32. We got married when I was 34, just 20 months after meeting, and I returned from honeymoon pregnant.
In an ideal world we would have spent a year just being married before ttc but we were both aware of time ticking on and felt it was silly to wait as we both definitely wanted children.
We went on lots of nice dates together during my pregnancy. I'm still really not used to the idea of being a mummy and DD is 11 months! It's the best thing in the world though.

Me and DP always said "maybe have kids, probably in mid thirties", never been maternal, always preferred cats to kids.. then we used a cheap condom in the Middle East I now have a 2.5 yr old DS and I'm pregnant again at 31. It's the best thing we ever did. I love being a mum and like I said, I never bothered with kids before.. I used to think there was something wrong with me as I never cooed at babies like most women but I couldn't stop doing it to mine! It's true that most people aren't ready but you just deal with it all as it comes and it just becomes your natural state. The pregnancy is a slow build up and you get more and more comfortable with the idea. Everything slots into place when you hold them. (This was my experience and most I've heard, not saying it's the same for everyone) You will stay be able to enjoy things you do now. It sounds like you have a solid relationship and will be able to handle it all!

I know a lot of people my age who don't want kids as they don't like them and don't think they'll be a good mum. I just want to say to them that I was the same until I had my own but I never would.

Thanks so much everyone for your replies, it really has helped me feel better about it!

Thanks Phoenix, I started a couple of months ago taking 'seven seas trying for a baby' which has everything in it . I'll google the abbreviations and start revising haha..there seems to be a lot of them!

I think some other worries of mine also link in with the overall feeling. We met online and I moved 2 hours away to be with him. I work from home mostly and I guess you could say I'm not an especially outgoing person. I'm not a recluse but quite happy to be at home! I haven't really made any friends for myself since being here. There are my bfs friends and partners etc but for me it's not the same thing. BF is a bit the opposite and loves being social, spending time with friends etc. He worries..and so do I a little..that I may end up a bit isolated. I have told him that I'll be keen to meet other mums and playgroups but I'm sure that is easier said than done as a new mum with a baby!

Do NCT! I still meet with my NCT group every week.

There are plenty of groups out there if you want to chat to other mums, also a lot of apps where you can meet other parents nearby but I have never felt isolated despite not having mum friends, probably because DP works from home and I like my own company anyway! Mumsnet helps a lot too

Sounds like something I would deffo love to do Oyster. That has actually been suggested to me by quite a few ppl and I like the sound of it.

I like my own company too Spooky. I could actually quite happily not see anyone for days haha. I don't form close friendships easily...but I do enjoy going out with those I am close to. Seeing as my BF would be the one out working I feel like I'd need to make an effort to get myself out a bit more.