Just feel like I'm edging closer to insanity this cycle

[FlaminFlamingo99]

Hi all.
So my DH and I have been ttc for the last 9 months, and we were so excited but knew statistically it wasn't likely to happen right away and when we started we were just trying to be relaxed about it (the irony is not lost on me!), dtd when we felt like it, and aiming for the time around the fertile window (I use the ovia app as my cycles range from 28 days to 37 days so I have found that tricky figure out).

So after the first few cycles of seriously getting my hopes up for a BFP and being disappointed, I started to try to keep myself occupied with other things in my life and try to keep busy enough that there were fewer opportunities for me to sit and think and dwell on how much I really wanted to be pregnant. A sort of self-preservation that's worked for a while... until now.

This cycle I feel like a woman possessed, gone is my resolve to be relaxed about it all - I've been trying to do OPKs (I really struggle to do a 4hr hold so it hasn't really worked and it's left me a bit stressed out about it tbh). I've also been to the GP who has suggested a day 5 blood test just to rule out any possible factors. I've gone over and over the data I've logged in ovia over the last few months, I'm watching pregnancy videos on YouTube, and reading these forums all the time, I'm looking at baby clothes. I am just becoming obsessed and I know it's going to be all the more devastating if we don't get our BFP this cycle.

I am sorry if this post offends anyone or seems tactless - I know there are so many people out there who have a journey SOO much longer than mine and they manage to stay strong and keep going. I really admire you all. I am just having a wobble and don't speak to anyone but my DH about ttc and he is away atm and I'm finding it hard this cycle. I think writing this down has helped me realise how much I desperately want a baby. Just makes me sad that I don't know when it will happen.
If any of you lovely people can offer words of wisdom or support I would really appreciate it.
Xxx

I've been there - it took us 9 cycles to conceive no2 i think and it felt like a lifetime, and 6 cycles to conceive the first. I was lucky in that both times I conceived in the month I felt like you do now, like I was losing my mind.

You don't have to hold your wee for opks so I'd recommend using them more, try doing a couple a day in the morning and afternoon so you don't miss your hormone surge, opks will really help if you have varying cycle lengths. Have you considered temping? I conceived the month I started - nothing to do with the temping and a total fluke as we wouldn't have dtd on any other days anyway but it was interesting to pinpoint ovulation exactly.

Other than that I have no advice because I was exactly the same but good luck!!

Hi,

I just wanted to say, don't rely on ibis too much. We were trying to conceive #2 for roughly 4/5months and I tracked periods, cm etc right from the off on Ovia and fertility friend (my fertile window was the same on both apps) I too started to get frustrated as we were having sex at the right times etc ironically the month I didn't track a thing was the month I fell pregnant (beginning of October) I didn't even look at when my fertile window was and I'm glad I didn't because it told me I was ovulating a whole week after I actually did. Try not to rely too much on the apps as they're just a guide...the opks although I never used them will be much more reliable, good luck xx

That's meant to say don't reply on ovia too much not ibis!!

Thank you for your lovely reply Ohno, it's really reassuring to hear that - it's a shame some people have to wait so long for a baby when they are ready and we are pretty much just twiddling our thumbs just waiting for that BFP. How sweet it will be when it comes.

Thank you for the OPK advice too, I didn't realise I could do that - I've ordered some IC OPks so hopefully I'll get them soon and can start using them next month. I was really stressed about trying to hold for 4hrs as I find that so hard and I was worried I'd end up with a bladder infection or something (I'm prone to them anyway so I'm paranoid!).

I didn't know much about Temping before you mentioned it but it seems like a good idea to start that too so I think I'll order a thermometer and start that next month too. Doing both could show me that I am ovulating during each cycle and reassure me that there is nothing wrong with me.
That's amazing that you got both of your BFPs after having difficult months - hopefully I'll have some of your luck!
Thank you for listening and telling me your experiences too
Xxx

Just saw your message LauraK (sorry I live in the sticks and Internet is intermittent!) thanks for your advice - and congratulations I agree with you and I've heard other people say that ovia and other fertility apps are only a guide, so I do take it with a pinch of salt... But Temping and OPks should hopefully give me a real idea of when I'm ovulating, so I will definitely give both a try.
Thanks for reassuring me
xxx

To be honest I wanted to try opks and temping but just didn't have a clue where to start! Especially with temping, is tried reading up on it but it never really seemed that clear to me :/ lol! I think I would have definitely given it a go though if I was in a position where it really just didn't seem to be happening, I mean you might as well give yourself every chance right?! Try relax too and not put too much pressure on yourself...I know it's easier said than done but I genuinely believe being as relaxed as possible helps too! Keep us updated xx

flamingflamingo you sound just like me, I'm a woman obsessed and I can't seem to shake it. Looking at clothes thinking of names tests all the time, constantly thinking about it. Even considering making a fb group to find like minded mums as I prefer Facebook but can't seem to find any pages for ttc. I did get pregnant in July but lost it at three months in October, so I think it's really not helping.
You're not alone

I think this time of year is hard and can pile the pressure on that bit more. You won't be the only one feeling this way

I feel the same OP. Have only been trying for 3 months but feel like it's taking over my life. You're not alone.

Thanks everyone

LauraK I totally get what you mean about OPKs and temping being confusing - tbh I think I'll just be winging it the first few cycles and just seeing what happens! Can't hurt but to try!

DRRBANNER Sorry for your loss and that you are feeling the same. Hopefully we will get our BFPs soon xx

Haveacupoftea this time of year is hard... I keep seeing christmassy baby things and it gets me right in the ovaries!

Catlover thank you hope we get our BFPs v soon xx

I'll keep you posted - - if-- when I get some good news
xxx