A show of hands about IVF

[Impatience]

We've reached the point of discussing whether to go for IVF or whatever other intervention might be appropriate. My main worry is whether I could cope with the stress of placing all that money, emotion and time into what appears such a long shot, so I'd like to find out what other people's experiences have been. I've found facts and figures and various wonderful success stories, but I'd like to make sure I've got a realistic reflection of experiences, good and bad. So, don't mince your words, tell me how awful it can be! If I then still think I can hack it, I'll feel I'll have made a properly informed choice.

If you tried IVF (or something else), did it work? How many cycles did you try? If it didn't work how did you decide to stop?

Did you find the various procedures and drugs horrible or manageable?

Was the two week wait so much worse than normal? Did it feel like putting all those real eggs in the metaphorical basket? Did you cope with the stress?

... and anything else you want to share...
Thanks x

Good luck with your decision Impatience. It can't be easy thinking about all these ifs and buts and maybes. (Obviously I have no personal experience of IVF)

It's such a shame that you haven't been successful, because I have always been hopeful for you (even though I know my constant optimism sent you to the hut).

All the best.

Ready x

I'm in Belgium where IVF is fully refunded, so the financial aspect you mentioned isn't an issue (although there is a limit on how many tries you get). Many of the other things are indeed pretty stressful.

However, I don't think you should be put off because of anticipating how hard it will be. You won't know till you try how you will cope, and you may even fulfil a dream!

The one thing I wished I'd thought of when we started, 7 IVFs ago, was that there are two sides to the success rate: the successes and the failures. By all means people should imagine achieving a pregnancy, but also spend a bit of time imagining how crushed you might feel (or not?) if you don't get pregnant.

The procedures/drugs are horrible first time because you make more of it than it really is - all that excitement, anticipation, novelty of jabbing yourself in the stomach, etc. 2nd time and following it's really no big deal. Unless you are one of those people who gets headaches from certain hormones or who is very sensitive to emotional stress. These were not issues for me.

The 2ww is the worst part. My mind goes into overdrive with the hope and fear. But it's also the part where there is literally nothing you can do (maybe that's why it's so hard), but wait and see the results of the blood test.

I'm on IVF 7 now, pickup will probably be in a couple of days. I'm bracing myself for the 2ww. The injections and puffer/sniffing thing have been fine. Internal ultrasounds, blood tests, all fine. No stress there.

If this fails we have 1 more fresh attempt. We never had any embies left over to freeze in all our previous attempts.

This attempt is our first since taking time out of IVF to adopt our DD, now 19 months! The break from IVF was a nothing short of a joy.

impatience We've been through 5 attemtps of IVF. Our dd was born may 2006. A 2nd attempt was cancelled due to overstimulation, disappointing but your health/safety has to come first.We experience an early MC on 3rd attempt which was heartbreaking. 4th attempt we received a postive pregnancy result, unfortunately the hormone levels where very low & didn't increase at the appropriate rate for the pregnany to continue.
Its the most stressful procedure my dh & I have had to go through. (this includeds me having major surgery to have my bowel removed durin 2000) Each time a little part of me felt like it had died. It took us 3 years to achieve this wonderful gift of a baby.(3 years isn't a long I know in terms t IVF) I would do it again despite during the last attempt advising dh I couldn't do it anymore.(we have 6 frozen embryos in storage)
I just wished at the start of the treatments the consultant could have said 'EHM it will take 5 cycles, on the 5th you will achieve pregnancy, which will go full term & you will deliver a baby'.
Sadly there are no guarantees, I wish you well with your decision. If you want to ask any questions please feel free to contact me [email protected] as I could waffle on for hours on this thread with the ups & downs. Take Care.

Thanks girls, this is exactly the kind of stuff I need. Thank you for sharing. And thanks for your email address EHM. I need some mulling-over space, but may well get in touch.

Ready, I am fond of your constant optimism, and I'm nice and cosy in the hut! Good luck with your trying.

Anyone else?

Good Luck faraway

Yes, of course! Very good luck Faraway, I wish you well.

Hi there - Just wanted to say that we have just started our first cycle last sunday. Just tablets at the moment, moving on to the nasal spray tomorrow.

For me personally it wasn't a hard decision to go ahead with IVF. I have wanted children since I was one myself. The thought of not ever having one was, and is unbearable. We have a diagnosis of unexplained infertility which is frustrating at times as there is nothing wrong with either of us. But I felt and still feel we needed to give it our best shot, however I have to say that the past 2 1/2 years of unssucessfully ttc (1 m/c)was so very stressful, but the nearer we got to our start date the better I felt and now that we have started I feel very positive and relaxed. I am obviously aware of all the success rates and am preparing myself as much as I can incase it doesn't work, and I know I will be totally devestated if this is the case. But in my heart I feel that this is the right thing to do. I have always felt I would need help when the time came and I was right, it may sound naive but I have the same feeling about IVF that it will work whether it takes 1,2 or 3 cycles. As for the financial side, we saved hard for the last year for our first cycle, if more are needed we will find it somehow.

My best advice to you is to look inside yourself, listen to your heart. You know, regardless of any other problems, financial or otherwise, the gift of life is so special if you yearn for it follow your instint.

All the best to you
Nelli xxx

Good luck Faraway!

Impatience - old buddy from the hut - as you know DP and I took ages to decide if IVF was for us. Almost at the point where I feel I would have rather sold my soul to the devil but there you go - desire to procreate is so strong in us women ...

I had one go at IUI nearly 2 yrs ago - drugs were fine and had no after effects and once I got used to using the pen needle (position over tummy and then looked away as I squeezed - with DP shouting from the kitchen if I had finished yet! cos needles terrified him) then all was fine - except we FTC. The scans were okay and even picked up a polyp that others had missed so hence I had to have that removed before I couldhave further treatment. We start (if FSH levels okay) our 1st cycle of IVF on 28 Feb. DP and I have promised each other no more than 3 attempts and if no BFP then that will be it I shall be cast away forever into the hut of doom (promise I will bring my own z bed! and supply of virtual drink )
On a positive note, my mate had 2 IVF attempts and now has a bouncing baby boy (birth was hell but thats another story........)

Hi Faraway

We had unexplained infertility and 7 years ago were told it was 'IVF by ICSI or nothing'. We thought about it really carefully and went for "nothing" or rather inter-country adoption. We now have two lovely DDs. We were very lucky and our adoptions were relatively smooth (actually I think I've blanked out the worst bits!) but inter-country adoption can of course be as stressful and frustrating as IVF, maybe even more so. However, I just wanted to let you know about our 'out of the box' decision when we were at exactly the same point as you.

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Just thought I'd add a positive story about IVF. After 4 & 1/2 years of ttc unsuccessfully we decided that we had to try it so we could at least feel we'd done everything. After a failed IUI, I was fairly cynical about it working first time round, but it did and now we have a lovely baby girl. The drugs are not particularly pleasant, but you cope, they are a doddle compared to morning sickness, I can assure you! The 2 week wait is agonising, especially as for me I felt v. v. premenstrual. But I threw myself into work and tried to forget about it. The main trick is trying to be remain positive while being realistic. Good luck.

I think IVF is a very personal thing, and what works for one might not necessarily work for another etc.

Our situation is slightly different in that we already have a ds who is 4 who was conceived naturally after 13 months of trying, but have been unsuccessfully ttc for our 2nd now for not far off two years. My dh was diagnosed with a low sperm count in July of last year, so I know that realistically we are not going to conceive another child naturally.

I had always said that IVF wasn?t for me. I have seen couples go through cycle after cycle after cycle with no success, and each time the emotional and financial price was high. And I have seen couples whose marriages have ended as the result f the inability to conceive a child.

I do think that a lot of emphasis is put on the joy that IVF can bring, but IMO not enough emphasis is placed on the potential failure, and reality is, IVF has a higher failure than success rate. I read somewhere the other week that only 1 in 3 women will conceive as a result of IVF. So that?s 2 in 3 who won?t.

I just don?t want to face those odds. I just can?t see myself potentially getting into debt and going through the emotional turmoil with potentially no end result. I admire anyone who can do it but it?s just not for me. Yes I have considered it when feeling the sadness over my inability to complete my family, and have wondered if I will regret not doing it in the future, but I just wouldn?t want to put everything I have at risk with no certain outcome.

Good luck to all those who are currently going through it though x

Hi Nelli and LNO. Good luck with your cycles. I hope you and Faraway can all come back on here in a few weeks and tell us it worked x

Thanks for your alternative story Issymum. Adoption is an option I would very definately consider. Perhaps the fact that there are alternatives is why it's hard to take the plunge into IVF. We have a third option which is slightly unusual, in that being gay I have a female partner who could give it a go instead. After my first few unsuccessful months she tried and conceived first time, and we now have a very wonderful ds who I could not adore more if he was biologically related to me. Of the three options (my IVFing, adoption and dp TTC) dp trying is definately the easiest, cheapest (although that shouldn't really make the difference) and least stressful path, and for those reasons I feel strongly pulled towards that. But dp really wants a mini-Impatience, and there's the question of closing the book on my attempts: ending on an IVF attempt might give us that sense of closure.

(Oh dear, listen to that: I really just don't belief it'd work for me, do I?)

Issymum, what made you decide for adoption rather than IVF?

I don't have any personal experience of IVF. These links have some useful information that could help as back up facts in your discussion:

HFEA

You can also download or get them to send you a brochure

HFEA_brochure

Good luck hope this helps

Some crossed posts! Temperly, I'm really pleased for you. Congratulations on your dd.

WannaBe, you echo a lot of my feelings, and given my alternative options I am perhaps even less inclined to go for it than you. It's very interesting to hear your reasons against it.

Pruni, I'm so sorry to hear that it's not been working for you, and that you've been finding it so tough. It's your kind of story that I just knew was out there but couldn't find. Thank you for your honesty. Are you going to try any more cycles? (BTW, no danger of me reading the Mail about anything!)

Thanks Cityangel.

Thanks, everyone! I will find out today whether we are doing the pickup on Thursday morning (probably yes).

We decided to adopt DD because we wanted a child and family, and now we have that. It does make me more relaxed about IVF, but I have been surprised at how quickly I have become sucked back into the IVF state of mind since starting this cycle.

The psychologist we spoke to last week (from the IVF clinic) says that the emotions come in waves. Sometimes women in treatment can't face pregnant colleagues and friends, other times it's absolutely fine. I take much more interest in babies around me now that we have DD. Not only because of the infertility stuff, but also because she's the first baby I've been around in AGES, and I wasn't used to interacting with LOs before she arrived.

Sorry, this is a bit off topic, isn't it? I just wanted to thank you for the good luck wishes.

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Impatience - I had IVF which was lucky enough to work first cycle. I also have a son conceived naturally so we had the diagnosis 'unexplained secondary infertility'.

I found the drugs ok (found Clomid a lot worse) but agree that the 2 week wait is very hideous/

It must be really frustrating to know that your body CAN get pregnant, but just bloody well isn't! At least I can still right mine off as a no-hoper! (Funny what we draw comfort from... )

I just wanted to thank you all for your stories, and wanted to update you. I feel that I am leaning away from IVF and other interventions. As the months ticked past I felt increasingly in favour of us giving up on me and letting dp try again. After trying the idea of IVF for a while, and finding out much more about it, I feel it really isn't the most sensible option for us, given that we have the far easier option of dp trying, and I am now once again very much in favour of her trying.

But, you know, things might change again! It really is a very big decision, and we won't make it lightly. I appreciate how very lucky I am to have dp with her functioning reproductive system (here's hoping it still works...) and I wish everyone very much luck in their various paths. Nelli, LNO and Faraway, I hope the next few weeks aren't too tough, and that you get that elusive blue line.

Thanks again xx

Impatience good luck to you & your dp in what ever you decide to do.