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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

did you tell people, eg friends/family that you were ttc?

19 replies

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 09/02/2007 15:20

I remember when we started ttc for my ds, we decided not to tell anyone because of not wanting to be asked every month "are you pregnant yet?", and my mother being in total shock when we announced that I was pregnant and that we'd been trying for over a year.

And yet I remember walking into a shop with my mum and seeing my auntie's stepdaughter and my mum asking her if she was going to have any more and her saying "well we've been trying, but it just isn't happening".

This time we've been ttc for nearly two years and although we didn't tell anyone initially, most people we know do know that we've been ttc but have been unable to fall pregnant, although none know the reason why.

so did you tell? and was it more helpful or stressful.

OP posts:

compo · 09/02/2007 15:22

I made the mistake of telling my sister and she asked me each month if I had 'any news'. Drove me mad.
But I think if you have been trying for a long time it can help stop people asking all the time if you are planning a child, or a subsequent child. If you say you're trying most people will be tactful enough not to go on about it all the time

FioFio · 09/02/2007 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mrsflowerpot · 09/02/2007 15:26

no, neither time. First time it happened reasonably quickly, after 5 months. With dd, we were trying for over 18 months and were fending off all the 'aren't you having any more?' questions. I never wanted to talk about it to family - both mothers would have been unable to keep it to themselves for a start. I did sort of mention it to a couple of friends, but never as a big deal.
Just before I became pregnant with dd, when I was starting to think we should come to terms with never having any more, I had a bit of a meltdown with one good friend (who had no idea we were trying before that) about it all - now that did help a bit to get it off my chest.

wheelybug · 09/02/2007 15:35

Not with dd - and everyone was really shocked when we told them (not that there was anything to be shocked about, I was 29, dh was 32, been married for 4 years but there you go).

We conceived again without really trying so hadn't told anyone but unforetunately that ended in a m/c so although we didn't tell many peoplpe about the m/c those that know would assume we were ttc now. Also, have begun to tell people jsut because I'm so fed up of 'when are you having number 2' type questions. I don't volunteer the info but if they are close friends and ask I make some sort of 'well its not always that easy' type comment.

Original poster

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 09/02/2007 15:44

oh yes mrsflowerpot I kind of told my mum in the heat of the moment - my sister had just had another baby, and on the way to the hospital to see her my mum asked "so when are you going to have another one then". to which I responded that I imagined it was doubtful as we'd been trying for 16 mo at the time and she said "well it's not been that long, it'll happen". and ever since then she's asked on a regular basis "so any babies yet?" and has even started saying to my ds "so would you like mummy to have another baby?" which has led me to wish I'd never bothered telling her. but ah well it's done now lol.

OP posts:

LunarSea · 09/02/2007 15:49

not explicitly - but they knew I was hospitalised for a bit after miscarrying, so I guess they assumed so after that.

fairyjay · 09/02/2007 15:50

I feel it's sort of private, and not something I wanted to discuss with anyone other than dh.

Miaou · 09/02/2007 15:51

Didn't tell when we were ttc ds (no. 3), and got a lot of reactions as a) I had said we were stopping at two and b) six year age gap between dd2 and ds! However have been very open about wanting a fourth one since, but never said "we are actively ttc". But I was glad I had told people because when I announced I was pg with no.4 I didn't get the shocked and horrified reaction (which hurt my feelings more than I expected it to) - just the "ah, you always wanted another anyway" reaction

However I have always got pg relatively quickly and haven't got annoying relatives constantly nagging me about it! I think that would have stressed me out tbh.

FluffyMummy123 · 09/02/2007 15:51

Message withdrawn

Pruni · 09/02/2007 15:55

Message withdrawn

FoodieLexie · 09/02/2007 16:05

We TTC for 4 years - didn't tell a soul as we think it's a bit of a private matter. When it finally happened, we were staggered by the number of people who said 'we didn't know you were trying' or even 'Was it planned?' 'Are you pleased?' or 'Never had you pegged as the maternal sort.'
Even though those comments irritated me slightly, I'm glad we didn't tell people we were TTC as (a) I couldn't have stood telling people that nothing was happening for 4 years and (b) the look on people's faces was a picture!

Hulababy · 09/02/2007 16:10

First time round, no we didn't tell anyone at all. Then we had an early miscarry, and I guess everyone just knew that we were TTC although it wasn't something we talked about, even after a few months had passed.

When we were TTC for #2 people did know for various reasons. I think I prefered people to know as they could support me, like my mum, sister and close friends, when it took so long and if I'd had another mc I'd have had instant supprt. We actually stopped TTC after a certain length of time, again for various reasons, and that came up in general conversations.

beckyjones · 09/02/2007 17:43

Of course I did- and now regret it soooooooo much! Don't do it- I should have know not to gob off- I've been trying for 18 months and now getting sympathy smiles when I see my family-!

expatinscotland · 09/02/2007 17:45

No way!

TMI!

mum03 · 09/02/2007 22:12

Didn't with first two, both a shock to families as we were suggesting that we were not ready to try yet, even though we were ttc! Esp with 2nd as there was only a 15 month gap between them.

Now we are ttc no.3, everyone thinks because we have one boy and one girl that we are happy to stay at that. However I did let my mum and sister know at christmas, but told them both that they were not to ask me all the time if it has happened this month, and warned them that I will not necessarily tell them til after the 12 week scan. That should keep them going for a while, but I know that if we do not concieve soon, the questions might start happening.

Artoo · 10/02/2007 07:42

We told pretty much everyone we knew every step of the way.

It was a concious decision - I'd always been very vocal about not wanting kids, so when we did start trying I didn't want to be announcing our pregnancy, and have people say "oh dear, was that an accident?". I wanted people to know the baby was very very wanted.

Of course, then we had problems, so we involved everyone in those too, and our IVF treatment.

And the morning we tested after our recent IVF cycle we had a long list of people we had to tell. I knew we wouldn't be able to keep it quiet when my mother in law informed me that we would have to phone her before she went out as she had to leave a note of the result for her cleaner!

I would have found keeping everything that we went through just to ourselves far too stressful, and I know DH wouldn't have been able to manage it! At the end of the day you have to do what works for the two of you.

Hugs,
Artoo.

foxabout2pop · 10/02/2007 07:53

Artoo - LOL at the cleaner having to be informed!!!

We told friends and family we wanted two, so they assumed we would be ttc at some point!

We didn't tell some of them when ttc a third as I was over 40 by then and figured it might take a lot longer. I miscarried the third and had to suffer some appallingly insensitive comments like "its probably just as well isn't it?" (that we lost it) and "well, you've got one of each now, why on earth would you want a 3rd anyway?"

After that we made it very loud and clear to everyone that we desperately wanted a third, just to shut people up regarding their "views" on whether or not we should have a third.

yawningmonster · 10/02/2007 08:17

Didn't tell anyone with ds as we decided to try in Dec 03 and got pregnant that month! Have told people we were going to try for no. 2 as ds was very sick as a newborn and am terrified of a similar experience and needed to talk about these fears to people who know how bad things were.

babylove123 · 10/02/2007 21:30

DP and i been ttc no1 for 7 months.......told like 4 friends but they've given up asking (think they've forgotten tbh!) Was tempted to tell sis but havent and dont think i will (shes older and i have a feeling because she hasnt got kids, she wont understand)............

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