Miscarriage misery

[Thingymaboob]

I'm currently suffering a mc. I never thought I would feel this bad. I'm a paramedic and I've treated loads of women who have had a mc / suspected ectopic and I've always thought of it in a really practical medical way: it happens to many women, it's very common, many women go on to have healthy babies. Until it happened to me. Have spent the last few days in bed lying in my own filth. Managed to have a bath today as my husband ran it and spent an hour persuading me to get out of bed. I'm drained and feel so miserable.

Am really sorry.

It's so horrible, you poor love.

Don't expect too much of yourself, a bath is a great first step. Apply a practical, medical approach to yourself on an hour by hour basis. Drink a lot of fluids, sweet ones if you don't feel like eating. You'll need iron, a fortified drink like ovaltine perhaps? (I can't actually remember if it has iron in it.)Get your partner to pick you up an iron tonic like spatone or floradix. if you do feel like eating, eat what you feel like. Watch some crap on a screen you can put near the bed.
These are all immediate practical things, the emotional fallout goes on for a long time after the physical recovery, be kind to yourself.
You don't say if this was your first baby. I had 4 mc and now have three rambunctious dc, I won't forget the ones I lost but they are a sad memory, but do imagine a happy future for yourself.

This was my first pregnancy. We were very happy. My focus now is going to be losing weight. My BMI is 31 so a stone to start with. My husband has been amazing. Obviously I'm terrified that I won't ever get a sticky one despite the overwhelming evidence that it will happen. I'm going to get floradix as I've heard great things. Feeling quite anaemic as short of breath walking up the stairs. I've had a week off work but planning on going back on Monday. I work in a hospital, mainly teaching. How long do people normally take off?

Take off as much time as you need, no one can tell you when you are ready only you will know that. It's a very personal thing and everyone deals with it differently. Take as much time and space as you need and really take care of yourself as going back to early won't be good for you. I bled for 11 days with my mc in July but it can really vary and also would depend how gone you were etc. There are some great threads to speak to people who have been through it in the body and soul section, might be worth a look. Thinking of you :(.

Hey, I just wanted to send you big love. I was where you are 2 months ago. Xx

Thanks guys. Am so drained. Likely a bit anaemic?

You could be but don't forget your body is also going through a lot physically and with your hormones let alone the mental exhaustion of it all at an emotional time. Rest and take care and try to eat some healthy food if you feel up to it.

Thingymaboob - So sorry you are going through this. You have had some excellent advice here, regarding looking after yourself.

Having had 13 miscarriages (and blessed with 3 wonderful healthy children), I can honestly tell you that no two pregnancies or miscarriages are the same. You have to go with how you are feeling, don't judge yourself on what others might say or think about how you should feel or how quickly you should go back to work.

One of my most difficult miscarriages emotionally was the least physically difficult. One of my later miscarriages at 11 weeks was actually strangely one of the easiest emotionally, but one of the hardest physically for weeks afterwards with anaemia etc. The crash of hormones is not to be under-estimated. It can mess with your head in a way that your dh might not be able to understand.

Go back to work when you feel able to do so. Don't rush back. Do something to mark your baby, naming, planting a plant or anything that you feel is appropriate for you and your dh.

Be nice to yourself.

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. My advice would be to be kind to yourself.
I found when I went back to work I was less capable of taking the little niggly things in my stride than normal and I just couldn't work at my normal pace. I feel physically okay but it has been emotionally exhausting.
for you.