Feeling very down :(

[Hope24]

Hi Ladies,

Hope you are all well.

Long time lurker but first time I'm posting here.

A little background info about me. I'm 25 and DH is 30. We have been ttc for around 15 months with no luck. I've been referred to a specialist regarding some pelvic pains I've been having for a few months now. I have irregular periods and have suffered from cysts in the past as well.

In the beginning of our ttc journey I was very hopeful, even excited. But month after month of bfns, I've completely lost hope. I've got to a point where I just feel like quitting it all, but I just can't bring myself to give up. It's all I've dreamed about for the last few years.

I feel like I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. Don't get me wrong, my DH is very supportive and always tries to keep positive. But sometimes I just need to have a good cry and he just doesn't understand. I don't want to talk about this with my mum because she already suffers from anxiety and adding my problems will not help.

Sometimes I feel so guilty and feel like a failure. I can't give my husband a baby, I can't give my parents or parents in law a grandchild. I've even got to a point where I think that I've ruined my husbands life and he should just leave me because he deserves much better.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going into depression because I'm tearful almost everyday, I don't enjoy anything anymore, I don't even go out with my friends. I really don't want to feel like this, but it's so difficult when you see pregnant women all around you and you feel like failure.

Sorry for the long essay, I just feel like I needed to let it all out 😢😔

What a rubbish time you're having, I'm so sorry :( totally understandable that you'd be feeling really down.

Totally understand the guilt-feeling too, but none of this is forseeable or your fault.

Sorry I can't offer any advice. Maybe it'd be good to talk to the GP about some counselling?

I've only just started ttc but am already feeling down that it could take a long time. Hormones! Sometimes a good cry will do you the world of good x

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it! 😊

You're right though, sometimes you just need a good cry to let it all out. But my DH always thinks that I'm being negative. What he doesn't understand is that there's only so much a person can stay positive without any results.

I really hope you have a nice and easy ttc journey 😊

Hi OP, I'm so so sorry you're going through this hell

I'm only on month 6 of BFN's and one early MC but I can completely relate to the gut-wrenching guilt you feel regarding not being able to give your loved ones something others seem to attain so easily. All I can say is hold in there, these tests may pull up something that can be rectified easily and this time next year your life could be completely different. There's nothing wrong with having a good old cry either, it's much healthier than bottling it all up and pretending to feel differently. I'm not sure where you live but in my area we have something called "health in mind" which is a fabulous free counselling service. Perhaps you could see your GP and see if there's anything similar you could go to?

I know it's hard but really try to stay in touch with your friends, I became quite avoidant after a few months of BFN's and am now forcing myself to talk about the MC, go out when invited etc and it has done me the world of good to realise my life doesn't begin and end with what's going on in my womb, even though I feel like it 98% of the time.

Much love to you and wishing you all the best

Awww Hope you poor thing, what a terrible way to be feeling. You're definitely not alone, and it is really normal to cry and feel sad sometimes during this really stressful time. If it is every day though and you're not enjoying things you usually do then it might be a good idea to talk to your GP about how you are feeling. And your husband, if you can - he might not have realised quite how bad you are feeling, or might have his own worries that are getting in the way too.

Don't feel guilty, this is not something you have done wrong, it is not in your control. But you have sought help with it and been referred so that is really positive. Don't be afraid to do the same when it comes to your feelings as well - mental health is just as important and most of us have or will need help with that at some stage.

Hope you feel better soon.

Guys, thank you so much for taking time out to reply to me. I already feel a bit better! ☺️

I think you're right, I'm going to need to speak to my GP as I don't want to let this get too out of hand. I do feel a bit embarrassed to go to the doctor though, I don't know what I would say .

I didn't ever think this whole ttc thing would be so difficult. I guess I was just a bit naive.

Bless my husband, he's always trying to cheer me up and one thing he always says is that the longer the wait, the more precious it will be when our time will come. I hope what he says is true!

Thank you again ladies, sending you lots of hugs and good wishes 😊

Definitely see the GP, and may I suggest a short break from TTC? It's important every once in a while to remind yourself a baby isn't the be all and end all.

You have many years left before writinf yourself off, so be good to yourself, stop feeling guilty - if theres a problem it could easily lie with your husband and not you!

Also try warm water with lemon and honey in the morning. I swear by it, it helped my sister and me to conceive.